In 2018, during a wonderful couple’s trip to Portugal, I discovered something about myself: I am a cuckquean. I am aroused by my husband sleeping with other people.
A cuckquean is a woman, typically in a hetero relationship, who takes pleasure in watching (or knowing about) her partner’s sexual interactions with other women. (You may be more familiar with the male version, the cuckold.)
READ: Down to Cuck: What You Need to Know About Cuckolding.
When I discovered this about myself, I was reluctant. You see, when it comes to love and sex, we fear the irrevocable mistake. That is, we worry that one "wrong" choice or a not-so enjoyable experience will destroy an entire relationship. We give sex so much power over our hearts and decisions -- so much so that many of us spend lifetimes ignoring and/or repressing desire so we can “preserve” the love we have.
The problem is, we can’t unlearn what we learn. Being confronted by my desire created a dilemma: Do I spend my life fantasizing over this alone, or do I confide in my husband and move towards pleasure together?
I (we!) chose the latter.
Exploring this fantasy has come with its blunders. I had to learn in what context my cuckquean fantasy thrives and with which partners. It wasn’t a refined process -- and, yet, each point of error became a learning lesson, a chance to improve.
Understanding one’s pleasure takes practice, and I’ve learned that experimenting with sexuality can be an extraordinary place for growth and deeper connection when approached with care.
As a cuckquean, I started paying attention to the many ways my fantasy could be conducted, and how each scenario made me feel. This led to three categories:
Arouse: Scenarios I knew turned me on.
Neutral: Interactions I’d have to test to know if I truly liked them.
Retreat: Scenarios I knew turned me off.
It was easy to cross the "retreat" items off our list; however, the "neutral" scenarios held potential and required me to take measured actions (as to not overwhelm or expose me to situations that were, in fact, "retreat"-worthy). The arousing scenarios, on the other hand, simply required planning.
So, I got to work.
Through my personal experience and coaching clients, I recognized a pattern within the fantasy. Most cuckqueans I’ve met, including myself, have a preferred "role" within their cuckquean fantasy.
READ: Confessions of a Cuckquean: It Isn't Always Rainbows and Unicorns.
When I uncovered this information, I was relieved! This gave me a framework within which I could assist other cuckqueans and apply to my own pursuit. I call them cuckquean "archetypes": the role(s) a cuckquean prefers to take on when engaging with this fantasy.
Why are these archetypes so helpful?
Well, in short, because archetypes can act as a doorway to self-awareness.
These archetypes are here to offer insight into your pleasure and to help you explore a range of scenarios that provide clarity on what you want. They may help identify the role you most desire within the cuckquean fantasy and ultimately reveal the best path forward.
Not all cuckqueans are made the same! Maybe you have a dominant archetype. Maybe you are a combination of two or more. Maybe your preferences change over time, space and relationships.
Consider this a self-discovery experiment wherein you are the observing expert. At the very least, let these archetypes be guideposts to your pleasure.
Without further ado, here are seven cuckquean archetypes:
Like in a D/s dynamic, the submissive cuckquean willingly relinquishes their control or status. This is most likely your archetype if you enjoy humiliation, taking orders, being of service or have a leaning towards masochism. Within this archetype, the cuckquean tends to have a certain level of involvement within the “affair.”
Being a submissive cuckquean may include:
Taking verbal cues or humiliation from the Hot Husband and/or Cuckcake.
Assuming the role of "third wheel" while the Cuckcake is present.
Acting as a liaison between your Hot Husband and Cuckcake (be it in-person or virtually).
Like in a D/s dynamic, the dominant cuckquean willingly takes a leadership role and consensually controls the Hot Husband and/or Cuckcake. This is most likely your archetype if you enjoy being in control of other people’s pleasure, giving orders, being served, or have a leaning towards sadism. Within this archetype, the cuckquean tends to have a certain level of involvement within the “affair."
Being a dominant cuckquean may include:
Directing a sexual scene that includes the Hot Husband and Cuckcake.
Co-dominating the Hot Husband or Cuckcake.
The voyeuristic cuckquean takes pleasure in seeing. If you enjoy watching your Hot Husband and Cuckcake engage intimately, this is most likely your archetype. Within this archetype, the voyeuristic cuckquean may:
Watch their Hot Husband and Cuckcake in the same room.
Watch/facilitate their Hot Husband and Cuckcake in a virtual setting.
Consensually conceal their presence and play the role of “peeping Tom.”
This cuckquean is aware that their Hot Husband is having sexual relationships with other women but does not want the details of those engagements. In other words, the knowledge that their Hot Husband is sexually active is the turn-on, and specifics aren’t necessary (or, in some cases, welcome). Within this archetype, the cuckquean is completely uninvolved in the “affair.”
Being a don’t-ask-don’t-tell cuckquean may include:
Consenting to your Hot Husband’s out-of-town “affairs” without requesting details.
The tell-me-everything cuckquean takes pleasure in knowing. This cuckquean is aroused by their Hot Husband’s recounting of sexual activities. Opposite to the don’t-ask-don’t-tell, this cuckquean requires details of the event(s). Within this archetype, the cuckquean’s involvement in the “affair” is optional.
Being a tell-me-everything cuckquean may include:
Your Hot Husband sharing his sexual activities in a neutral setting.
Your Hot Husband sharing his sexual activities as an arousal tool or dirty talk within a sexual setting.
Receiving updates from your Cuckcake about their experience with your Hot Husband.
If you like having the option to participate with your Hot Husband and their Cuckcake, this is your archetype. In other words, if you’re interested in starting a cuckquean scene with the option of turning it into a threesome, you may be a possible-participant.
This cuckquean takes pleasure in the hunt. If you’re excited by taking part in the selection/intro process between your Hot Husband and their partners, you are a Wing Quean.
Being a wing cuckquean may include:
You and your Hot Husband go to a bar. Together, you scan the environment and pick someone of interest. You or your Hot Husband approach the woman and invite her back to the table for a drink all together. If the woman is with a friend, include her, and enjoy the friend’s company while your husband hits it off with the potential Cuckcake.
You and your Hot Husband take time to find a match on an online dating site. You are a part of the selection process, and maybe even the initial communication.
Pleasure is a unique experience, so as you travel down this path, take these reminders with you:
And, most importantly,
Learn to prioritize pleasure and savor each step.
Quean Mo is a sex and relationship blogger, with a leaning towards kink, ethical sex tourism, and her cuckquean lifestyle. Her passion is creating space for people to accept their desires and find freedom through self-discovery. She is based on the Côte d’Azur with her French husband, where they’re always plotting their next adventure.
