Yes, sex is foremost about pleasure. However, dig deeper, and it oftentimes encapsulates so much more in our personal lives.
How Having Great Sex Allows Your Best Self to Emerge
Great sex allows us to reach the full spectrum of our emotions and can allow us to feel like our most empowered selves.
It’s beneficial to generally discuss manners and methods of having great sex. However, reaching out to top porn stars in regards to this yields infinitely more compelling notions. While I was taking in the sights and sounds of AVN’s 2020 Adult Entertainment Expo, I questioned a plethora of sex-adoring sexperts in regards to how they achieve their best selves via having the best sex possible.
Develop a Self-Care Regime
While most know award-winning pornographic actress Karma Rx by her Twitter profile description of being an “anarchist, nihilist, and filthy fuckslut,” she aims for something more nuanced when filming onscreen.
“Intimacy comes at the cost of vulnerability,” she says. “I always struggle with intimacy. Porn is attractive to me because I can be vulnerable without necessarily having to be intimate. Most times, my co-star doesn’t even know my real name.” Continuing, she makes mention to a notion that probably triggers many who attempt to achieve vulnerable, intimate sex. “In my [non-porn] life, intimacy is not worth being vulnerable.”
If feeling similar to Karma Rx, then having some level of self-care is essential. Self-care that allows you to interact with vulnerability in some manner as a prelude to intimacy then is essential.
When not on set, Canadian star Emma Hix notes that her three cats and one husky help keep her grounded. “Sometimes you get into a depression, and you don’t think you’re coming out of that hole, so I proactively began to do more. I try to be thoughtful about self-care much more now, for sure.” In achieving a balance between a very active on-screen career and an off-camera life that includes time with her animals, “and a lot of time alone,” Hix has been able to create the space for her to already be an AVN award nominee less than five years into her career.
Read: 5 Tips For Practicing Intentional Aftercare
Let it Empower You
Sex as a vehicle of empowerment is important to note. As an essential component of the plus-size porn movement, there were stars aplenty at the Adult Entertainment Expo willing to expound on this notion. AVN 2020 was highlighted by actresses of size stepping to the forefront more than ever before. Veteran performer Karla Lane became an AVN Hall of Famer, while Sofia Rose was nominated for Social Media Star of the Year.
As well, leading adult site Adult Time’s size-positive “Shape of Beauty” series featured the likes of April Flores, and was a surprise winner for Best Niche Series or Channel. If there was ever a time wherein empowerment for all people via sex and sensuality were possible, it’s right now.
“Having your fantasy reflected onscreen as reality is definitely comforting,” says newly minted Hall of Famer Karla Lane. Continuing, April Flores notes, “[porn] has to be about more than to love being an exhibitionist and fucking in front of the camera. Using my body and body of work to empower other people -- not just fat people, but all people -- to celebrate beauty and self-worth is important.”
As well, for Sofia Rose, her desire to empower hits a little bit closer to home. “I have a 28-year old daughter. When she was in the second grade, she was bullied for being chubby. Her battle with her weight began to affect her mental health. When I got into the industry, I had the intention of showing my daughter that as a big person, you could be beautiful if you own your sexuality and confidence. She’s learned that. Now, I look up to her! I wish I was as stubborn and confident as she has become.”
Read: What Experts Think the Top Sex Trends of 2020 Will Be
Continue to Search for Your Best Sexual Self
For many, sex is simply the most preferred form of physical and emotional release. Ultimately, that’s quite alright. However, if one digs deeper, the emergence of sex as a more impacting tool of social growth and personal comfort is as or more important to consider. One’s personal search for empowerment involving a fuller and more balanced sense of one’s sexuality should be contemplated.
Porn stars like Karma Rx, Emma Hix, Karla Lane, April Flores, and Sofia Rose are dynamic personalities, who clearly have established sustainable methods for self-care and self-growth, via actualizing their best sexual selves. Though clearly a difficult process, the rewards are plentiful.
Marcus K. Dowling is a journalist, broadcaster and entrepreneur. Recently, he's had a role in concept development, marketing, and promotion for Rewind and Decades, two wildly popular retro-themed entertainment venues in downtown Washington, DC. In the past ten years, Marcus has written for VICE, Pitchfork, Complex, Red Bull, Bandcamp, Mixmag, ESPN's Undefeated, and more. As well, he's the CEO of professional wrestling startup company Capitol Wrestling.