Which, ta-da, can be done by exploring new erotic, sexual, and sensual venues. Sure, some might leave you cold, but there’s a good chance that one (or many!) will be just the thing to open up entirely new worlds of arousal.
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How do you find your fetish?
And now we come to our third question. Now that you understand what a fetish is, and why finding yours can add an added extra thrill to your sexual activities, where do you go from there?
Well, it might go something like this: Being a fan of the steampunk aesthetic (the science fiction subgenre with a distinct Victoriana-bent) you sample the genre's erotica. You enjoy it so much that you try your hand at writing your own. From there, perhaps you branch out to finding sexual excitement in dressing like your characters and engaging in role-play, or even with your own version of BDSM power exchange dynamics.
Perhaps this path could lead to discovering you really get turned on by dreaming up steam-powered sex toys, which then goes to more modern varieties used with a dash of play-acting.
[Learn more about BDSM by joining the community at THE CAGE.]
The bottom line is that to do this kind of arousing discovery takes two things:
1. Let Go of Expectations
Let go of expectations and just have fun engaging in some erotic play. If something you try doesn’t turn you on then don’t worry, that doesn’t mean anything—only that it may not be for you.
Similarly, if you find something that does push your erotic buttons, that doesn’t mean you’re a freak or anything negative like that. As long as whatever you find involves consensual activities, and doesn’t get in the way of maintaining your day-to-day life, then it’s perfectly fine.
As it’s one of the biggest injustices so many sexually healthy people face these days, let me say it again: getting turned on by something doesn’t make anything about you wrong.
In fact, it makes you something remarkable: yourself.
I’d go as far as to say that the only thing anyone should feel guilt or shame over is that our society continues to emotionally harm people over an aspect of a pleasurable and consensual sex life.
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2. Let Your Excitement Lead the Way
Embrace the play aspect of your fetish searching: allowing your erotic enthusiasm rein free to lead you where it wants.
This doesn’t have to be just in sexual terms either. Sometimes a new source of arousal can unexpectedly arise from experiences that are instead more sensual.
What they might be, again, is up to you and your explorations, but you could try out tactile activities like ceramics, gardening, cooking, or sampling new varieties of food. You might also give working with fabric a shot or perhaps getting into the steamy delights of scented baths.
The idea here is to expand your explorations beyond the more obvious sources of erotic entertainment by experiencing the world around you as a sensual playground.
Read: Welcome to the Dungeon: How to Join the BDSM Community
So Many Pleasures Waiting to Be Discovered
Fetishes, despite how they’re narrowly defined in some places, can be an extremely pleasurable component of anyone’s sex life—with partners or when self-pleasuring. As long as fetishes are consensual, and don’t negatively interfere with the rest of a person's life, they should never be mocked, demeaned, or held against those who have them.
Fetishes can also act as doorways to new erotic interests, and from there to even new sexual activities. Doing so can be a challenge, with as many misses as hits, but when finding a new source of arousal can offer so many possibilities for growth as a sexual human being, or just having tons of kinky fun, it’s always worth the pursuit.
Finding your fetish (or even better fetishes) despite those ups and downs can be all kinds of fun. So, when you think about it, there’s really no reason not to get out there and discover what turns you on: just remember to take care of yourself, try as much as you’d like, and above all else, stay joyful and positive while finding your fetish.
