HOW TO PLEASURE
10 Tips for a Bigger, Better Orgasm
Are there really 10 steps to a better orgasm? Yes, but you might only need a few.
Everybody wants more and better orgasms. When surveyed, 85 percent of women reported a desire for orgasms that were more frequent, and more intense. And why not? Orgasms are awesome! Whether you're with a partner or flying solo, orgasms are like chocolate-covered-joy, wrapped in a high-score, followed by a nice nap.
The French refer to orgasms as the little death. It may sound like a quaint euphemism, but it actually has some basis in fact. A 2005 study done in the Netherlands did brain scans of women in the midst of orgasm; they showed a marked decrease in blood flow and brain activity during the big moment. In other words, orgasms are all about sensation. Whether you're an orgasm-pro or a novice dying to see what all the fuss is about, these better orgasm tips will help you stop thinking and start experiencing.
The Mood - Get Into It
This may seem like an easy one, but think about it: we often agree to a little nookie to please a partner, even if we're not in the mood. But when it comes to having a great orgasm (or three), the body-mind connection is paramount. If your mental side is not engaged, physicality will suffer. Likewise, if you have a headache or are dealing with stress, it can be next to impossible to get your body to work with you to produce that powerful sexual energy. If an orgasm's your game, it's OK to wait until morning, the next day, or whenever you're feeling your sexiest. (Read more about your brain's sexual chemistry in Your Brain On Sex.)
Behold the Power of Foreplay
Women often report a desire for more frequent foreplay that lasts longer. This includes kissing, cuddling and fondling. It can include so-called heavy petting the mutual removal of clothes, or mutual masturbation. (Read more about that in Double the Fun! Hot Tips on Self Touch for Two.)
Women's bodies in particular go through changes during the arousal phase. The vaginal opening changes shape to accommodate the penis (or whatever), and lubrication is produced. Without adequate foreplay, the body just isn't ready for satisfying intercourse - or even successful masturbation. This can be a tricky issue to discuss with a male partner, especially if he's the sort who thinks that once he has an erection, you're both good to go. This brings us to …
Talk Dirty…to Your Partner
If you're working with the presumption that your partner will do what it takes to please you, by all means, you should reveal what that is. If that's a difficult conversation for you, try broaching the subject somewhere other than in the bedroom. It's a very romantic notion to presume that if we're in tune with our partners, they'll magically intuit what we need without being told. In real-life, that rarely happens (and if it does, it's probably just luck!). Tell your partner what they do right, what you enjoy, and what you'd like for them to do differently. Do this with loving tact, and they'll appreciate it - honest! And you'll appreciate the potent orgasms this new knowledge is sure to produce! (Get some tips on how to talk dirty in Talk Dirty to Me: The Why and How of Hot Aural Sex.)
Plenty of women grew up being told that only boys masturbate, that they think about sex constantly and therefore can't help themselves. Girls also tend to be told that nice girls just don't do that sort of thing - it's unseemly, or it suggests that they're (gasp!) too interested in sex. Today we know better ... at least intellectually. Even so, sex and sex talk can inspire feelings of shame, embarrassment, or self-doubt. None of that is going to help you reach peak orgasmic levels. If you haven't already, talk to your female friends about your sex life and ask about theirs. You may be surprised to learn how much you have in common with your peers. Sex is normal and natural. It seems simple, but sometimes we all need a reminder. (Find out what some kids hear about sex in The Worst Analogy for Premarital Sex Ever.)
If you've been taught not to masturbate, you might not even know what you need physically. Luckily, it's never too late to learn. Spend some alone time touching yourself and getting to know your body. Experiment to find what areas of your body produce the most arousal during foreplay, and which give you the most sexual satisfaction during clitoral or penetrative masturbation. If hearing those words almost gave you the vapors, this next step will be a vital one for you. (Learn about the benefits of touching yourself in 10 Things You Don't Know About Self Love.)
Know Thy Vagina
OK, that's a bit of a simplification. In truth, you'll want to know thy labia majora and minora, how to find thy clitoris, and how to locate and stimulate thy G-spot. There are visual aids available for this, as well as sex toys designed to seek out and stimulate your favorite orgasm locales. I promise, the better you know how your body responds to stimulus, the better you can direct your partner (or your favorite sex toy), and the more powerful your orgasms will become. (If you aren't comfortable with your vagina, you probably won't want to touch it. Learn some self love in Your Vagina Isn't Ugly, It Just Looks That Way.)