Masturbation. It's that thing you have to do if you want an orgasm but there's no one around to have sex with. It’s something that you do alone, but have no need for once there’s another person in the bed. It’s what gets you through the lean times until you can get back to "real" sex. Am I right?
Double the Fun! 5 Hot Tips on Self Touch for Two
Well, that's how many people feel about it, but it doesn't have to be that way.
In fact, masturbation is an awesome way to explore sensation, learn what works for your body and get to know your orgasms. And, if you do it with a partner, it’s a terrific way to experience pleasure together and show each other how your bodies work.
Also, it's totally, crazy hot.
If you're looking for something different to celebrate your Valentine's Day, consider some good 'ol fashion mutual masturbation. Although, oddly enough, Hallmark does not make any Valentine's Day cards that mention how you want to masturbate with your partner, and we can't fathom why they would not.
Here's how you can double your fun. (Also, check out a whole whack of awesome articles on self love here.)
Masturbation when you're not alone? Why, that's crazy talk!
Many of us learn about masturbation before we start engaging in partnered sexual activity, sometimes even as children. Then we find partners, start engaging sexually with them and, sometimes, masturbation gets relegated to second-class sexual citizen status.
The normalizing of partnered relationships and the tendency to value penetrative intercourse over all other forms of sex seem to feed this phenomenon. But what about the pleasure we experience from masturbation? Do we ever really forget about that? Of course not! But we might just push it aside for times when our partners aren’t around.
For many people, sex and masturbation are laid out very clearly as an either/or proposition, but what if we thought about bringing those two things together? What if instead of masturbating alone, we did it with a partner? Why not? There are so many potential benefits:
- Guaranteed Satisfaction: You both know what to do, so everyone gets touched the way they want to.
- It’s One Hell of a Show: You already think your partner is hot, so watching them please themselves is bound to be pretty hot too.
- Lots to Learn: You get to see exactly how your partner likes to be touched, which means that you can take that knowledge and use it to become a better lover.
- It's Oh-So-Safe: Total control over all bodily fluids = less to worry about.
- More Options: It’s always great to expand your sexual menu. Plus, for couples who are refraining from intercourse, this is a terrific alternative.
Mastering Mutual Masturbation
OK, so maybe now you’re thinking about making your sexual solo a duet but don’t know where to start. No problem! There are so many awesome ways to explore mutual masturbation. Here are a few ideas.
Keep It Mellow
Let’s be honest: Sometimes in partnered sex, things get tiring or uncomfortable but you stay the course for the sake of your partner’s impending orgasm. With mutual masturbation you can both get nice and comfortable and stay that way.
Raid the Toy Box
While we’re getting comfortable anyway, consider adding a toy (or two, or three!) This way you can take it easy, lie back and let your toy do some of the heavy lifting while you ease into the idea of having an audience.
While you can use any toy you like during mutual masturbation, our top recommendation for penis-havers is the Fleshlight Quickshot Vantage as its clear design allows your partner to have a full view. For vulva-owners, we recommend the G-spot vibrator LELO MONA 2 as its pointed head makes it perfect for clitoral stimulation as well as G-spot stimulation.
Work It (or, You Know, Don’t)
See how you feel about having an audience. You may find that you love it and want to add a little something to your routine for those who are watching. You also may find that it works better for you to tune everyone else out and just focus in on yourself. That’s fine too.
Sexy School Time
There’s no better way to learn how your partner likes to be touched or, likewise, to show them what feels good for you. Watch your partner, take note of how they touch themselves, if they like toys or lube, what happens to their breathing as they approach orgasm.
All of this information will help you be a more attentive partner in the future. If you want your partner to learn the same things about you, now is not the time to be shy. Let them see and hear what's happening as it unfolds.
Once everyone is comfortable, start exploring. Try new things. Allow your partner to direct you, and do the same for your partner. Just relax, enjoy each other's company and have fun with it. You never know where your adventure will take you!
Above all, remember that there are so many ways to be intimate and experience pleasure with our partners. While we usually think of masturbation as a solitary act, sharing it can be a profoundly intimate, pleasurable and sexually gratifying experience. In fact, it might just double the fun.
So go on, skip the flowers and chocolate this Valentine's Day and go for some mutual masturbation instead!
JoEllen is a writer, speaker, researcher and mental health advocate whose work explores the impact of depression on sex and relationships. Since 2012 she has written about sex, mental health, and how none of us are broken on her award-winning site The Redhead Bedhead.
JoEllen's book The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression & The Conversation We Aren’t Having is now available in paperback, ebook, and audiobook.