Your Vulva Isn't Ugly, It Just Looks That Way

Remember the movie "Dirty Dancing"? OK, so maybe I just dated myself, but even if you haven’t seen it, you might be familiar with its leading lady,Jennifer Grey, or "Baby." But whether you remember her face or not, you’ll never see it again. That’s because shortly after that performance, Grey emerged with a whole different face, one in which her once-prominent nose was replaced with a demure little button. Cute? Sure. The problem is, without "the nose," she suddenly looked liked someone else, someone her fans no longer recognized.

"I went into the operating room a celebrity and came out anonymous," Grey told The Daily Mirror in 2012.

So why am I going on about the surgically altered appearance of a 1980s actress? Well, because noses aren’t the only thing many women are altering these days, all for the purpose of fitting a supposed ideal. You know what I’m talking about: Your vulva. Well, not yours specifically perhaps. I’m sure it’s perfectly lovely. But even if it is, you probably think it’s a little too uneven, or too fat, or the wrong color ... or something. There’s surgery for that. If you’re really dissatisfied with what you’re packing below the belt, maybe you’ll opt for it. Or maybe you’ll do what the rest of us do and go on hating what you assume is your ugly vulva.

But here’s the thing: It isn’t ugly. It just looks that way.

Different Isn't Ugly

In order to assume that you’re ugly, there has to be a standard to compare yourself against, right? If you check out the websites for cosmetic surgeries like labiaplasty, the "down-there" ideal for women looks something like what Barbie’s got going on under that ruffled miniskirt: All tucked up neat and tidy. And completely smooth and whiskerless, of course, like one of those weird hairless cats. If that’s what you’ve got in your panties, more power to you, but there’s something to be said for diversity, especially since the vulva and vagina are such an amazingly diverse structure. (Read more about it in 10 Things You Don't Know About Vaginas.)

In fact, I’d be willing to bet that no two vulvas are alike. It's a little hard to prove it in the locker room, but there's an amazing art exhibit (The Great Wall of Vagina!) by U.K. artist Jamie McCartney. He’s created plaster casts of more than 400 real-life vaginas (well, actually they're vulvas) and displayed them all, side by side, in 10 panels. What you’ll notice right away is how astoundingly different each is from the one next to it; one is a simple cleft, another an orchid. In some, the labia hang down, or the inner labia open out like butterfly wings, or fold gracefully to one side.

"For many women their genital appearance is a source of anxiety and I was in a unique position to do something about that," McCartney said.

Panel No.1 of 10 from the Great Wall of Vagina by Jamie McCartney

So many vulvas - and they’re all curious, captivating, unique and unexpectedly interesting. But ugly? Not a chance.

It's Just a Vulva, People

Of course, the reason that many women struggle to love their lady bits isn’t just about how they look. All those various flaps and folds are probably just something we fixate on because we really have some other, bigger problems with what’s going on down there.

Like shame.

Perhaps you’ve been told that that part of your body is "private," or even "dirty." At the very least, it's generally unmentionable in "polite conversation." Your vulva just like your hands or mouth or heart, is just a part of your body, one that, like any other, we all need to learn to accept, and even love. But boy does it get a bad rap.

Case in point: A Michigan mother recently made news for trying to get the unedited version of "The Diary of a Young Girl" by Anne Frank banned from schools for being too "pornographic." Here’s one of the offending passages: