How to pleasure

10 Tips for a Bigger, Better Orgasm

Published: NOVEMBER 26, 2015
Are there really 10 steps to a better orgasm? Yes, but you might only need a few.

Everybody wants more and better orgasms. When surveyed, 85 percent of women reported a desire for orgasms that were more frequent, and more intense. And why not? Orgasms are awesome! Whether you're with a partner or flying solo, orgasms are like chocolate-covered-joy, wrapped in a high-score, followed by a nice nap.


The French refer to orgasms as the little death. It may sound like a quaint euphemism, but it actually has some basis in fact. A 2005 study done in the Netherlands did brain scans of women in the midst of orgasm; they showed a marked decrease in blood flow and brain activity during the big moment. In other words, orgasms are all about sensation. Whether you're an orgasm-pro or a novice dying to see what all the fuss is about, these better orgasm tips will help you stop thinking and start experiencing.

The Mood - Get Into It

This may seem like an easy one, but think about it: we often agree to a little nookie to please a partner, even if we're not in the mood. But when it comes to having a great orgasm (or three), the body-mind connection is paramount. If your mental side is not engaged, physicality will suffer. Likewise, if you have a headache or are dealing with stress, it can be next to impossible to get your body to work with you to produce that powerful sexual energy. If an orgasm's your game, it's OK to wait until morning, the next day, or whenever you're feeling your sexiest. (Read more about your brain's sexual chemistry in Your Brain On Sex.)

Behold the Power of Foreplay

Women often report a desire for more frequent foreplay that lasts longer. This includes kissing, cuddling and fondling. It can include so-called heavy petting the mutual removal of clothes, or mutual masturbation. (Read more about that in Double the Fun! Hot Tips on Self Touch for Two.)


Women's bodies in particular go through changes during the arousal phase. The vaginal opening changes shape to accommodate the penis (or whatever), and lubrication is produced. Without adequate foreplay, the body just isn't ready for satisfying intercourse - or even successful masturbation. This can be a tricky issue to discuss with a male partner, especially if he's the sort who thinks that once he has an erection, you're both good to go. This brings us to …

Talk Dirty…to Your Partner

If you're working with the presumption that your partner will do what it takes to please you, by all means, you should reveal what that is. If that's a difficult conversation for you, try broaching the subject somewhere other than in the bedroom. It's a very romantic notion to presume that if we're in tune with our partners, they'll magically intuit what we need without being told. In real-life, that rarely happens (and if it does, it's probably just luck!). Tell your partner what they do right, what you enjoy, and what you'd like for them to do differently. Do this with loving tact, and they'll appreciate it - honest! And you'll appreciate the potent orgasms this new knowledge is sure to produce! (Get some tips on how to talk dirty in Talk Dirty to Me: The Why and How of Hot Aural Sex.)

Stop Judging

Plenty of women grew up being told that only boys masturbate, that they think about sex constantly and therefore can't help themselves. Girls also tend to be told that nice girls just don't do that sort of thing - it's unseemly, or it suggests that they're (gasp!) too interested in sex. Today we know better ... at least intellectually. Even so, sex and sex talk can inspire feelings of shame, embarrassment, or self-doubt. None of that is going to help you reach peak orgasmic levels. If you haven't already, talk to your female friends about your sex life and ask about theirs. You may be surprised to learn how much you have in common with your peers. Sex is normal and natural. It seems simple, but sometimes we all need a reminder. (Find out what some kids hear about sex in The Worst Analogy for Premarital Sex Ever.)


Know Thyself

If you've been taught not to masturbate, you might not even know what you need physically. Luckily, it's never too late to learn. Spend some alone time touching yourself and getting to know your body. Experiment to find what areas of your body produce the most arousal during foreplay, and which give you the most sexual satisfaction during clitoral or penetrative masturbation. If hearing those words almost gave you the vapors, this next step will be a vital one for you. (Learn about the benefits of touching yourself in 10 Things You Don't Know About Self Love.)

Know Thy Vagina

OK, that's a bit of a simplification. In truth, you'll want to know thy labia majora and minora, how to find thy clitoris, and how to locate and stimulate thy G-spot. There are visual aids available for this, as well as sex toys designed to seek out and stimulate your favorite orgasm locales. I promise, the better you know how your body responds to stimulus, the better you can direct your partner (or your favorite sex toy), and the more powerful your orgasms will become. (If you aren't comfortable with your vagina, you probably won't want to touch it. Learn some self love in Your Vagina Isn't Ugly, It Just Looks That Way.)

Get Into Position

As we've said, different people like different things, but there are a few positions that have consensus approval. For more intensive stimulation, try sitting upright with your back against a wall, sex furniture, or your headboard. Bring your feet together so that the soles touch while pushing your knees to the sides. Touch yourself as you normally would; this position produces increased sensation and intense orgasms in many women. Some women also prefer to masturbate while lying on their stomachs. There's no universally right or wrong way to do it, so let sensation be your guide.


To Vibe, or Not To Vibe

Many women swear by vibrators, and I don't just mean in the "oh f*$#, that orgasm was amazing!" kinda way. The right vibe is almost certain to produce exceptional orgasms in record time. So what's the problem? Well, some vibrators can be so awesome that even the most magnificent penis pales in comparison, at least temporarily. (You can read more about that here.) At any rate, if you've got a partner you want to connect with, you might want to vibe less and give him a fighting chance.

Kegels: The Other Workout

Having strong Kegel muscles (also called pelvic floor muscles) is a great way to invite more intense orgasms. This is something you'll have to work at. The Mayo Clinic advises that the easiest way to find the Kegel muscles is to practice stopping your flow of urine mid-stream. Once you've succeeded in this, you've found your Kegels. Practice tightening your pelvic floor muscles for five-to-10-second increments, then relax and do it again. Three sessions of 10 reps is recommended per day. These can be done lying on your back in bed, or in line at the grocery store, whenever you can fit them in. With daily workouts, you should feel a difference in orgasm intensity within as little as two weeks. (Read more about the connection between pelvic floor strength and sexual satisfaction in For Better Orgasms, Flex This Muscle.)

Frankie Say, Relax

If '80s music has taught us anything, it's that you need to relax when you want to come. More than a clever lyric, these are words to live by. Stop thinking about work, the kids and that stupid get-together this weekend. Being able to relax is an indicator that you're comfortable with your partner of choice, with your surroundings, your body and the task at hand. In fact, don't even think of it as a task. It's not. It's more like an interesting errand that ends with a leg-shaking, headboard pounding, moan-inducing orgasm. And when you get there, remember to enjoy it!


Want some pleasure promoting tips that you and your partner can share? Our readers have been loving "Red Hot Touch: A Head-to-Toe Handbook for Mindblowing Orgasms."

Wednesday Lee Friday

Wednesday Lee Friday is an eclectic writer of fact and fiction. She has worked as a reptile wrangler, phone sex operator, radio personality, concierge, editor, fast food manager, horror novelist, and she owns a soap shop. She prefers jobs that let her sleep during the day. Everybody knows all the best art and literature happen at night! Wednesday's work has appeared in Women's Health Interactive, Alternet, Screen Rant, The Roots of Loneliness Project and Authority...

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