MASTURBATION AND SOLO SEX
What is Death Grip Masturbation - and How Can Penis Strokers Help?
Published: SEPTEMBER 8, 2021
| Updated: MAY 6, 2022 10:04:28
Get a grip...gently! Using a penis stroker can be a great way to combat death grip masturbation syndrome.
Sex toys can be a miraculous tool in the bedroom - for everything from premature ejaculation to erectile dysfunction and a bunch of other things too! It turns out, just like how we use tools in other areas of our lives to make things easier and better, using tools in the bedroom can drastically increase our enjoyment and functionality.
So, today, let's talk about Death Grip Masturbation Syndrome - and various ways to help retrain yourself (including using those penis strokers!)
What is Death Grip Masturbation Syndrome?
"Death grip masturbation" is what it's called when someone who owns a penis grips it during masturbation in a very, very tight grip. Since the hand has a much stronger grip than any other part of the body (like the vaginal canal), over time, continually masturbating in this way can mean you require this extremely tight grip in order to reach orgasm (which is why it's referred to as a "syndrome.") When you consider that some people masturbate for consecutive years without experiencing any variation in technique, you can see how this could easily habituate the body to experience pleasure in only a certain way.
This isn't necessarily a problem. If that's the way a body likes to orgasm, then that's the way a body likes to orgasm. Each of us have our own needs and wants when it comes to achieving orgasm. It's likely that the penis owner has never found any issue with this extra-tight style of handjobs while playing solo.
Read: Masturbation is the REAL Hero of the Pandemic
However, issues may start to pop up when someone with death grip masturbation starts to get involved with a partner. This can lead to shame about their inability to orgasm, frustration with a partner and just feeling annoyed that they aren't feeling as much enjoyment from partnered sex as they thought they would.
Death Grip Syndrome becomes a problem because the two people involved in the sex consider it a problem. As we've talked about on Kinkly many times, orgasm isn't the be-all, end-all of sex or intercourse. Everything about your coupling could be about receiving pleasure, reconnecting with one another, exploring your bodies, and generally inhabiting a similar, vulnerable space where your bodies may be on display.
That's all to say: Death Grip Syndrome doesn't have to be a problem. If the penis-owner can only orgasm through handjobs, that isn't all that different from the myriad of clitoris owners who find that only a good wand massager is going to do the trick. We have this cultural expectation that penis-owners should be able to achieve orgasm through intercourse, but that doesn't have to be the case - and it isn't, in some cases, even outside of Death Grip Syndrome.
That being said, a lot of people find that Death Grip Syndrome is a problem - but only because it's hampering their ability to enjoy parts of their time together. It can be frustrating to want to orgasm via intercourse - but finding it impossible. In some cases, the time required to achieve orgasm via intercourse can leave the receiving partner extremely sore - even raw and bleeding - which can result in intercourse being off the table entirely for longer than the two people may want while you heal.
Death Grip Syndrome can present more of a problem in casual encounters. Like I said, our society expects penis owners to easily orgasm via intercourse, and it can be an awkward conversation you may not want to have with a casual partner.
In any case, if you're reading this article, you're probably are looking for a "fix" for this problem that's bugging you.
How to Fix Death Grip Masturbation?
Luckily, Death Grip Masturbation is very reversible for virtually everyone. (If it isn't reversible through practice, it's either the way your body was made, or you may have physical or mental conditions that may be roadblocking things. In that case, though, it isn't Death Grip Masturbation Syndrome.)
Almost everyone who has "Death Grip Masturbation" trained themselves into the need for the tight grip in order to orgasm. That means they can train themselves not to require it too.
It takes time - and effort - but if you're hoping to help your body become more sensitive to other types and tightnesses of sensation, these can be some great ways to help yourself swap things up:
Expect This to Be a Process
Death Grip Syndrome builds up over time; you won't be able to reverse it instantly.
Most importantly, you need to know that this might occasionally be frustrating. If your body is used to achieving orgasm in a certain way, and you're trying to mix that up entirely and make it orgasm in a new way, you can, expectedly, find days where you're unable to orgasm.
I can't give you the exact way that's right for you to undertake this process. Will you resolve not to orgasm unless you can do it without the tight grip you're used to? That will likely start to work faster - but that could likely mean going weeks without orgasm.
Will you resolve to start making changes to how you masturbate - but still turn to an extremely-tight grip on days where you're frustrated that your alternatives aren't working? This process might take longer, but you'll probably have fewer days of frustration.
It's really up to you - and what you want to do. But expect it to take months. This isn't a quick process.
Use a Penis Stroker
Obviously, my first advice would be to "use a looser grip" - but for a lot of people who are used to masturbating in a certain way, that can be easier said than done. As someone gets closer and closer to orgasm and becomes more focused, that goal also tends to fly out the window as they just want to hit the finish line.
That's where penis strokers come in - especially ones that are encapsulated in a plastic case, like the Water Activated Pocket Stroker by Cloud 9 Novelties. Using an entirely different stand-in for your hand essentially acts as a barrier towards accidentally swapping back to the tightness you always use.
A penis stroker that's contained within a plastic case can be a particularly great idea. Uncased penis strokers (like the Cloud 9 Handheld Torso Stroker) or your bare hand allow you to use the grip you are used to, whereas a plastic case keeps you from squeezing the stroker as tightly as you get closer to orgasm. When you use a stroker encased in plastic, you are able to vary the tightness with your grip strength somewhat, but not to the extent you are used to. Some cases are so rigid that squeezing the plastic case won't make the stroker any tighter at all. It will "force" you to into accepting whatever tightness the penis stroker was built with.
If you want a stroker that does all the work for you, check out our review of the KIIROO KEON.
Switch it Up Pre-Orgasm
In some types of sexual therapy, the orgasm is regarded as the most important aspect of the experience. With that in mind, you might find this a good option: Allow yourself a bit of super-tight grip during the masturbation experience itself, but resolve to get yourself to orgasm with a gentler grip.
In practice, this might look like enjoying your masturbation session like you've always done - but you promise that the final 3 seconds of strokes need to be a soft, gentle touch that's unlike anything you ever do. After you build yourself up enough, that soft, gentler touch will likely be enough to tip you over the edge and into that orgasm.
Next time, you might try for 5 seconds of soft, gentle touch. Each time you masturbate, you just keep building on how long you require a gentle touch pre-orgasm. Over time, you'll be at a 30-second countdown - and then it will get even longer as you keep going.
Essentially, this helps train your body physically (and you, mentally!) that it's possible to orgasm with a gentler touch - and that the super-tight grip of Death Grip Syndrome isn't necessary. Over time, this can really make a difference.
Read: On the Other Hand: Remembering Masturbation Isn't Mandatory
Masturbate Less Frequently
If you're masturbating all of the time (whatever "all of the time" means for you), you're giving your body a whole lot of time to get used to that tighter grip. More time spent getting used to that tighter grip is more time that your body is going to need to spend to get untrained away from that tight grip.
A high frequency of masturbation to orgasm can also make it more difficult to orgasm in other ways - until you take a break from those orgasms. Essentially, the body has a refractory period where it likes to "come down" after sexual activity. If you ramp it up and try to make it orgasm again, it will be harder for your body to reach that peak. You've probably experienced that yourself when you've tried to go a second round - or just masturbated too closely to the last time you came.
Take care of two problems at once by masturbating less often - and trying to use some of these looser-grip suggestions (like a penis stroker!) when you do end up enjoying some solo time. Win-win!
Intentionally Deny Yourself Before Partnered Encounters
While the point above asks you to cut down on your masturbation frequency, in general, this one is specifically focused on cutting down on your masturbation before a scheduled time where you'll be with your partner. If you know you have a date two weeks from now, you can start minimizing masturbation now.
Do you know one of the most recommended tips for holding off ejaculation during intercourse is? It's to masturbate to orgasm the day of sex - before the intercourse itself. Since the body has already had some sexual fulfillment earlier in the day, it can make it a bit slower to respond to subsequent pleasure - which is what people who want to last longer during intercourse are going for.