The Art of Impact: How to Increase Intimacy With Impact Play

Recently, I wrote a paper for a social psychology course about BDSM communities and the importance of play parties. I read all kinds of research about the personal characteristics of kinky people (verdict: they're pretty normal!). However, I also read articles that weren't explicitly linked to BDSM; one of them was about how, when two people collaborate on a task, their brain waves harmonize. The more harmonized their brain waves, the better they were at the task.

So, what does that have to do with impact play? Actually, a lot.Connection and Impact Play

When two people have a good scene, they often describe the connection as "flowing into each other." My partner calls it "surfing a wave." I like to think of it as energy, as actions and reactions seamlessly bouncing back and forth between two people.

I wouldn't be surprised if researchers were able to get EEG waves off of kinky people during a scene (we can't because EEG machines are super sensitive to movement). The might just see the same kind of synchronization between the brains of the participants.

This feeling of connection is one of the most wonderful rewards of impact play scenes with a trusted partner. Beyond the nice, floaty endorphins, you flow to the rhythm of the toys and your partner. At the best times, you feel very close to your partner, as if you'd become a new entity rather than two separate people.

Reaching this state demands trust, practice and openness to experience. There are also several things you can do to make it easier to reach.Practice Your Skills

The first thing you need to do is make sure you know what you're doing. Check out this helpful guide for impact play to get you started. Knowing the pain and sting levels of each tool, as well as where and how to hit for maximum pleasure, will help you keep your bottom in that nice space between too much and too little stimulation.

What you see in BDSM porn or at play parties are usually very skilled people with many, many hours of practice, so allow yourself plenty of time to learn.Begin a Session With Connecting Breath

One way to synchronize bodies and minds is to spend a little time breathing together. It's a basic tantric technique that forms the foundation of more advanced sexual skills.

Breathing together means setting your bodies at a similar pace. You can get a lot of information about your partner's state of mind as you pay attention to their breathing: quick and shallow means nervous or anxious; long and deep means relaxed. Try to guide each other to breathing deeply and slowly together, synchronizing your heart rates, and possibly even your brain waves.