Dating a Fetishist - What's That All About?

"I would never date a fetishist. That stuff is sick!" Sadly, this is something people say far too often. The misguided idea is that if someone has a sexual interest or proclivity that we don't, that any thoughts of romance are doomed from the start. But does it really have to be that way? Probably not. Before we talk about this in earnest, let's define our terms.

Succinctly, a kink is when someone has a non-traditional sexual craving or ideation that enhances sexual pleasure or intimacy for them.

A fetish is when that thing is necessary to engage in fulfilling sex.

Open and Honest Communication Is a Must

Fantasizing about a kink is popular, if not universal. Many times, a kink is explored once or twice and then never again. A fetish is more likely to become a habit because the person may be unable to achieve arousal or climax without specific stimuli. For our purposes, we're talking about people who require some representation of their fetish in order to engage in enjoyable sex. Dating a fetishist requires plenty of open, honest, non-judgmental communication on both sides. If this already seems like too much for you, you probably shouldn't date a fetishist.

Fetishes vary widely. Each one has specific requirements that a partner will have to be aware of to make the relationship work. Let's look at some of the most common fetishes and what it might take to incorporate them into your bedroom activities. Note: I'll be using hetero-normative language for the sake of convenience. Fetishes know no gender. Also, this is by no means an exhaustive list of fetishes.

Foot or Shoe Fetish

Foot fetishes are so common, they may not even qualify as unusual anymore. Foot fetishists may like to masturbate with or onto feet. Some like to have sex with open toed shoes. The sight - and often the smell - of feet is arousing to a foot fetishist. They may also want to photograph your feet or use photos of feet as sexual aids.

If you find yourself dating someone with this fetish, you'll want to be highly confident with your own feet. This may mean avoiding blisters and calluses or maybe eschewing restrictive or heavy footwear that might beat up your feet. Dating a foot fetishist may also necessitate regular pedicures. The good news? You'll also be in for foot rubs ... lots and lots of foot rubs.

Cross-Dressing

Believe it or not, plenty of straight men are into cross-dressing. To deal with the emotional social stigma, some men prefer that they be "forced" into it by a dominant partner. Others are downright gleeful about doing it on their own. Cross-dressing can translate to a wide array of behaviors. It may take place only in the bedroom or it could be done out in public. Your cross-dressing fella may buy his own lingerie, hosiery, or other items for his own use. Or he may occasionally raid your closet and drawers (pun intended).

Navigating this fetish may require firm boundaries. For example, borrowing a dress might be fine, but stretching out an expensive bra may not. You may also need to discuss where and when dressing up is OK with you. Entertaining friends may be fine, but dinner with the parents may demand traditional attire.