Most people raised female-presenting spend the majority of their growing years taught to be demure, serving, soft, submissive, and gentle. So the idea of being "in charge"—and responsible for a scene—can be downright terrifying, even if you've been fantasizing about it every night. Reality is rarely the same as fantasy.
However, as nervous and/or terrified as you might be of being in charge, I have one thing to tell you:
It's not as hard as you're imagining—if you mess up, your partner probably won't even notice.
Even for women and/or femmes who have been fantasizing about being the one who calls the shots, nervousness about "failure" can keep them from taking that step for a long time—or at all. I know because I was that woman.
READ: 7 Fun Ways to Try Your Hand at Gentle FemDom.
That's where these suggested scenes come in—they would have gone a lot way toward helping me feel more comfortable being in charge. Even now, I tend to go into most of my femdom play sessions with a general "outline" of what I want to do—if only to make sure all of the toys I want are clean and available. (There's nothing like wanting a favorite sex toy and finding that it wasn't recharged since last time.)
You don't have to go nuts with a 37-page scene outline; but having a general plan can help you feel a bit less nervous and a bit more confident about what's going on.
Once you've tried out a few of these basic scenes and start to feel more comfortable, you might find yourself branching off. Or, maybe you just want to repeat these scenes and modify them to your desires that day. That's OK too!
Take these basic outlines as tools you can sculpt and modify to what YOU want as a femdom—because that's entirely the point!
Before we head into the fun stuff, let's go over the basic information.
There's a reason for that: When you remove your partner's sense of sight, it means they can't watch you.
For nervous beginners, this, in itself, is a godsend. Plus, removing your partner's sense of sight means every other touch is amplified—so everything you do will feel more pleasurable and intense to them. Blindfolds are your friend; I recommend using them as much as possible.
READ: Blind, Deaf, Mute: Sensory Deprivation Play
If your genders and body parts don't align with the examples, don't fret. Just twist around the suggested scenes to fit what works for you and your partner. Each one of the examples would take even longer to explain if I covered every possible gender and body option. The idea is to take the basic ideas and fit them into what you want. After all, that's the whole point of femdom!
...and set up a safeword in case anyone starts feeling uncomfortable. Choosing to tie someone up or blindfold someone with no prior discussion can lead to a pretty disappointing ending—especially if your partner's answer is "Hell no!"—and it can be a violation of consent.
Instead, long before you plan on bringing these fantasies to life, sit down and discuss these ideas with your partner. You don't need to disclose the whole scene if you don't have it planned out or want it to be a surprise, but basic negotiation usually means that you discuss for (and get consent for) the basic activities you think you'll include like "Are you okay being bound?"
You, of course, are free to change around anything to make sure you are the sole focus - there's nothing "submissive" about being the center of pleasure.
However, I've found most femdom beginners who are nervous about dominating a partner are even more nervous if you make them the center of attention in any given scene—especially if receiving all that pleasure means they need to be stationary and rely more on verbal instructions.
That's why these scenarios focus on the submissive partner; it makes it a whole lot easier to get outside of your own head, focus on actions, and add a focus on your physical sensations later on in ways that are likely familiar to you already.
Read: 7 Ways to Challenge Your Creativity as a Dominant.
Now that we have the basics out of the way, let's get to the fun stuff. Here are three scenes for a beginner femdom to try:
Even if you're still new to the idea of controlling your partner, a lot of wannabe-femdoms have given handjobs and controlled the pace of their partner's orgasm before. In this scene, let's take that to a new level.
To start, after he consents to a bit of power exchange, tell him you're going to take control of him for a bit. Tell him that, if he's good, you'll let him have his way with you after you're done, but if he doesn't obey, well, you'll both have to try this again another night, won't you?
Once he's agreed to your "terms", have him lay down or sit in the way that's most comfortable for you both. Add a blindfold and tell him he's not allowed to move a single body part without permission. (If he tends to have issues staying still, you might want to pick a specific body part or require him to hold something in his hands. The idea is to keep some command on his mind at all times.)
And if he moves? He loses.
Now that he's completely at your mercy and can't even see you, you have free run of his body. This is all about what YOU want to do with his body (within the activities he's consented to). Here are some ideas to get your gears turning:
It's up to you.
If you'd like to up the ante, feel free to have a small paddle or riding crop and give him a small swat on the thighs or butt every time he moves. You can also use your hand and give him a light slap to whatever body part he improperly moved. (However, keep in mind that impact play of any kind should first be discussed with your partner ahead of time—like I mentioned above.)
Tired of your game? It's not supposed to last forever, so that's normal!
To easily transition into the rest of your playtime, anytime you'd like to, try leaning down and whispering how much you've enjoyed playing with him, how hot it is to watch him try to obey like that, and how you'd like to see how good he can make you feel now.
You can lay back and let him pleasure you, or you can take some of that dominating energy and be a bit more in-charge during whatever resulting sex acts happen now.
READ: Life on the Edge: Edging and Why You Deserve It
Bondage doesn't have to be difficult; you can use some basic bondage ideas to enhance sex activities you've likely done with your partner in the past.
After getting his permission for some power exchange, I recommend starting this scene with him laying out on the bed, naked. (You can certainly start with him clothed, but getting a clothed man naked while he's tied up is pretty darn hard.)
Use whatever bondage restraints you happen to have. If you have a spreader bar, ankle cuffs or wrist cuffs—use those! If all you have is a thick winter scarf, you can still tie up his wrists above his head with a double-column tie (easy to search on YouTube)! If you have something in-between, you can use that as well.
Remember, it's all about what you want to see him doing and looking like; I just highly recommend you think ahead about any activities you want to do to ensure his bound form will still work for what you want. For example, if you want to enjoy some female-superior sex positions, tying his wrists to his thighs may get in the way.
Once your partner is tied up, toss that blindfold onto his face. Don't have a one? A clean shirt—or even a worn pair of panties—all works too. Get creative and do what you want to see.
With your partner tied up, blindfolded and at your mercy, you can now do what you want to do. Whatever you want to do (and is within his boundaries) is entirely appropriate—but I certainly have some fun suggestions:
You, of course, can end your scene however you want. If you're fond of receiving oral sex, I recommend sliding up to sit on his face (which you can use sex furniture to easily do, if you're worried about the weight!) and maybe even being nice enough to release one of his hands to allow him to stroke himself while he pleasures you. Feel free to add firm instruction that he isn't allowed to orgasm until you are satisfied.
Alternatively, having him nicely tied up on the bed also makes his penis or vagina entirely accessible. If you feel like some intercourse, this is a great time to slide on top. (If an erection isn't in the cards right now, you can always put a strap-on harness onto his body and use that instead. An erection isn't a prerequisite for great intercourse!)
READ: Got a Penis? Here's How to Have Sex Without It.
At the heart of many submissive fantasies is longing to be "owned" or "objectified." That is, to be used as something that's specifically designed for the femdom's pleasure—like a human sex toy.
This simple scenario takes advantage of that longing in a simple, fun-to-do way. This will be the most "dominant"-feeling of the options, but you can dial things down to fit within your comfort level at any point.
This type of scene should happen at a time when you're aroused and looking for some playtime with your partner. Pick a time when your partner isn't already poking at you with arousal, but when they also have the time to comfortably enjoy a sexual encounter with you. (In other words, don't initiate when she's busy with a work project; pick a time when you're feeling amorous after an intense episode of your favorite show.)
Now that the time is right, make it known that you're turned on. You can start giving her cues—such as getting more touchy or pushing yourself against her—or you can choose to just be upfront and say you want to use her as your "sex toy" tonight. No matter which path you choose, though, as long as you're dominant without being unreasonable, you'll likely find your partner is more than willing to go along with your idea.
Then, ask yourself: How would you like to be pleasured today?
This entire scene is all about treating your partner like a (consenting) object, so as long as you know it isn't on their limits list and you both know your safewords, the world is your oyster. Do you want your sub to strap on a dildo so you can ride her? Do you want to make her your glorified sex toy mount while she holds a vibrator for you to sit on on while she makes out with you and plays with your breasts? Do you just want to lay back and enjoy as she pleasures you without you lifting a finger? Let your mind run wild and pick the sex act(s) you want to enjoy.
The important part of this one is that your partner is supposed to feel like your "toy" who exists just for your pleasure. You don't have to go all-out with the verbal language (as, remember, dirty talk can make newbies nervous), but by being upfront and demanding about what you want—and expecting them to provide it—it can feel objectifying for them (in a good way!).
Feel free to add a blindfold or bondage here, unless it gets in the way of your plans. Or, maybe a collar would be a hot visual for you. (After all, making her unable to move while she's forced to be a sex toy holster can be a very fun way to make sure she "knows her place" as your submissive.)
If you truly think she'll enjoy being purely a "sex toy," don't let your partner orgasm after you're satisfied. Sex toys don't cum, after all. On the other hand, if you want to see their explosive pleasure, have at it. You make the rules here.
No matter what scenes you end up doing, or what you do within those scenes, as long as you have your partner's consent and you're in charge, you're doing femdom right.
PRESENTED BY
Mistress Kay has a fondness for all things sexual. With a house that's quickly running out of room for all of her reading and vibrating pleasures, she spends her free time reading, writing, and learning about the sexual universe with her partners. She can be reached at Kinky World.
