PERSPECTIVES
3 Scenes for a Beginner Femdom to Try
Published: MAY 2, 2022
| Updated: JULY 21, 2022 10:06:19
These three scenes provide a simple blueprint for those nervous about taking control during playtime. And remember: As long as you have your partner's consent and you're in charge, you're doing femdom right.
Most people raised female-presenting spend the majority of their growing years taught to be demure, serving, soft, submissive, and gentle. So the idea of being "in charge"—and responsible for a scene—can be downright terrifying, even if you've been fantasizing about it every night. Reality is rarely the same as fantasy.
However, as nervous and/or terrified as you might be of being in charge, I have one thing to tell you:
It's not as hard as you're imagining—if you mess up, your partner probably won't even notice.
Even for women and/or femmes who have been fantasizing about being the one who calls the shots, nervousness about "failure" can keep them from taking that step for a long time—or at all. I know because I was that woman.
READ: 7 Fun Ways to Try Your Hand at Gentle FemDom.
That's where these suggested scenes come in—they would have gone a lot way toward helping me feel more comfortable being in charge. Even now, I tend to go into most of my femdom play sessions with a general "outline" of what I want to do—if only to make sure all of the toys I want are clean and available. (There's nothing like wanting a favorite sex toy and finding that it wasn't recharged since last time.)
You don't have to go nuts with a 37-page scene outline; but having a general plan can help you feel a bit less nervous and a bit more confident about what's going on.
Once you've tried out a few of these basic scenes and start to feel more comfortable, you might find yourself branching off. Or, maybe you just want to repeat these scenes and modify them to your desires that day. That's OK too!
Take these basic outlines as tools you can sculpt and modify to what YOU want as a femdom—because that's entirely the point!
Femdom Scenes: Some Basic Info
Before we head into the fun stuff, let's go over the basic information.
1. Most of these scenes involve blindfolding your partner.
There's a reason for that: When you remove your partner's sense of sight, it means they can't watch you.
For nervous beginners, this, in itself, is a godsend. Plus, removing your partner's sense of sight means every other touch is amplified—so everything you do will feel more pleasurable and intense to them. Blindfolds are your friend; I recommend using them as much as possible.
READ: Blind, Deaf, Mute: Sensory Deprivation Play
2. These scenes specifically mention genders and body parts.
If your genders and body parts don't align with the examples, don't fret. Just twist around the suggested scenes to fit what works for you and your partner. Each one of the examples would take even longer to explain if I covered every possible gender and body option. The idea is to take the basic ideas and fit them into what you want. After all, that's the whole point of femdom!
3. All of these scenarios assume you and your partner have discussed your power exchange ahead of time.
...and set up a safeword in case anyone starts feeling uncomfortable. Choosing to tie someone up or blindfold someone with no prior discussion can lead to a pretty disappointing ending—especially if your partner's answer is "Hell no!"—and it can be a violation of consent.
Instead, long before you plan on bringing these fantasies to life, sit down and discuss these ideas with your partner. You don't need to disclose the whole scene if you don't have it planned out or want it to be a surprise, but basic negotiation usually means that you discuss for (and get consent for) the basic activities you think you'll include like "Are you okay being bound?"
4. You'll notice a distinct lack of scenarios that revolve around the dominant being the sole focus of the scene.
You, of course, are free to change around anything to make sure you are the sole focus - there's nothing "submissive" about being the center of pleasure.
However, I've found most femdom beginners who are nervous about dominating a partner are even more nervous if you make them the center of attention in any given scene—especially if receiving all that pleasure means they need to be stationary and rely more on verbal instructions.
That's why these scenarios focus on the submissive partner; it makes it a whole lot easier to get outside of your own head, focus on actions, and add a focus on your physical sensations later on in ways that are likely familiar to you already.
Read: 7 Ways to Challenge Your Creativity as a Dominant.
Now that we have the basics out of the way, let's get to the fun stuff. Here are three scenes for a beginner femdom to try:
Scene 1: Control His Orgasm
Even if you're still new to the idea of controlling your partner, a lot of wannabe-femdoms have given handjobs and controlled the pace of their partner's orgasm before. In this scene, let's take that to a new level.
To start, after he consents to a bit of power exchange, tell him you're going to take control of him for a bit. Tell him that, if he's good, you'll let him have his way with you after you're done, but if he doesn't obey, well, you'll both have to try this again another night, won't you?
Once he's agreed to your "terms", have him lay down or sit in the way that's most comfortable for you both. Add a blindfold and tell him he's not allowed to move a single body part without permission. (If he tends to have issues staying still, you might want to pick a specific body part or require him to hold something in his hands. The idea is to keep some command on his mind at all times.)
And if he moves? He loses.
Now that he's completely at your mercy and can't even see you, you have free run of his body. This is all about what YOU want to do with his body (within the activities he's consented to). Here are some ideas to get your gears turning:
It's up to you.
If you'd like to up the ante, feel free to have a small paddle or riding crop and give him a small swat on the thighs or butt every time he moves. You can also use your hand and give him a light slap to whatever body part he improperly moved. (However, keep in mind that impact play of any kind should first be discussed with your partner ahead of time—like I mentioned above.)
Tired of your game? It's not supposed to last forever, so that's normal!
To easily transition into the rest of your playtime, anytime you'd like to, try leaning down and whispering how much you've enjoyed playing with him, how hot it is to watch him try to obey like that, and how you'd like to see how good he can make you feel now.