Everything You Need to Know About Your First BDSM Play Party

The dress code for any given play party will vary by the rules of the party and the organization. As a rule of thumb, the default assumption is to always dress in plain, casual street clothes to get into the venue. Many places provide an indoor place to change into your kinky clothes. This way, the location doesn't attract any undue attention.

When it comes to your sexier attire, some play parties may have rules about what you must wear. Requiring sexier attire helps keep the play party feeling like the sensual fantasy-land that people will enjoy. Avoid wearing plain clothing like jeans and a t-shirt, and instead, get creative with what you wear. Know the rules of your party. Some parties may allow full nudity while some may require at least underwear to be worn.

Most play party invitations will have a clear list of any sort of dress requirements when you RSVP, but if you're at a loss for what to wear, in a pinch, regular lingerie or just a sexy pair of underwear can function as kinky wear. To add a bit more to your outfit, you could carry around a kinky implement such as a flogger; it makes a great conversation piece as well! Just don't go hitting random people at the party. That is not allowed. Wear something that makes you feel sexy, but remember, if you plan on playing, you may want to pack some shoes that allow you to easily stand and keep your balance. Your legs can get shaky when you're turned on, so plan for that in advance.What Can I Do at a Play Party if I Want to Play?

Playing at a play party can be an exciting experience! If this is your first play party, I highly recommend you avoid playing this first evening and just enjoy the experience. Enjoy that general feeling of arousal as you hang around while all of other scenes take place.

If you're ready to play, though, you need to understand that before every scene, there are negotiations. You will need to discuss what you are (and aren't) OK with during your scene. If you have any medical issues, bring those up. Mentioning you're new to kink and play parties is a great idea as it helps your play partner ease you into some of the pleasure. If you're especially into a specific act or sensation, speak up! This is not the time to hope that your partner will guess what you want to do. You should lay it out ahead of time so you both are on the same page. I recommend learning more about good sexual negotiation.

Now that you understand what goes into negotiations, it's time to find someone to negotiate with. This is easiest to do online. With the invention of Fetlife and other kinky social networks, you can send a private message to people who are attending an upcoming play party. However, be aware that this may not be met with much success unless you've become a familiar face at play parties; while some people will be willing to play with new people, you'll have a much higher success rate if you've been an active member of the community.

It's also possible to arrange a scene with someone while at the play party. Wait until the person seems unengaged in a scene or with another person, and feel free to go up and ask if they'd be interested in doing a scene. The first thing out of most people's mouths is going to be "Well, what did you have in mind?" So, have a good idea of what you'd like to do. You don't have to be specific, but something like "I'd love to do a spanking scene," or "I watched you use the restraints on your last scene, and I'd love to experience that with you!" can go a long way toward helping your newfound partner understand what you want to do.

If the person you ask says no, don't take it personally. They may have come here with a monogamous partner or they may only play with people who have asked ahead of time. They may even have stage fright and may only be comfortable playing in public if they've had weeks to plan out their scene. No isn't personal. If your potential partner declines, thank them politely and move on. If they're interested, you should step into negotiations and enjoy a good time.Can I Talk at a Play Party? Can I Join In?

Talking at a play party is definitely encouraged, and just for that reason, many play parties have a "social area" that's away from the scenes. However, avoid talking anywhere near a scene, and if you must talk, do it in quiet whispers. You can imagine how distracting it might be to listen to someone's recounting of their office fight while you're attempting to enjoy a sensual spanking, so speaking near scenes is frowned upon. Try to do all talking and negotiating in one of the social areas, or at least as far away from a scene as you can get.

While it might seem fun to join in, never join into any scene that's already in-progress unless you have explicit permission. You should never interrupt a scene to get that permission. Stick to watching the scenes unless you've negotiated joining in before the scene starts. That said, if you watch a super-hot scene between people and now would like to play with someone from the scene, wait until the scene is over, give them some time to wind down, and then approach and ask about the possibility of playing with that person. Remember to always be nice if the answer is no.Can I Take Photos at a Play Party?

As a general rule, taking photos at a play party is usually not allowed. So, assume that's the default unless the rules state otherwise. Many people who attend play parties want to keep their identities secret. Many events will even ask you to leave your cell phone in the car because most modern phones are equipped with cameras. Make sure to respect the rules of the play party, and if you're unsure if it's allowed, always, always ask the party host first.Should I Go to Another Play Party?

Of course, the answer to this question is a resounding YES. However, some people find themselves uncomfortable after their first play party. Please remember that every play party is going to have a different age group and personality. If you felt like you didn't fit in with that current group of kinksters, consider looking into other kinky groups in the area and find one that's perfect for you. Play parties can be a ton of fun, so don't give up after your first one. Now you even know what to expect at your next one!