ANAL SEX
Pegging: Everything You Need to Know to Make It Pleasurable for You and Your Partner
Published: SEPTEMBER 20, 2021
These common barriers often keep couples from enjoying pegging - but they don't have to.
[Editor's note: Pegging is the term used when a strap-on is used to anally penetrate a partner. Generally, it refers specifically to a woman wearing the strap-on and a man as the receiving partner. We have used gendered pronouns to reflect how the term is used, but we know body parts don't equal identity!]
For heterosexual couples who have delved into the world of pegging, it's hard to turn back. After all, aside from being extremely pleasurable and orgasmic, it can be an easy way to "reverse" the standard power roles in a relationship and get to know each other on a more intimate level. He'll get more experience on the receiving end of pleasure while she'll get more experience on the "providing" end. And, of course, it can feel fantastic for both partners!
Read: Power Play: The Difference Between Tops, Bottoms and Switches
Now, if you do try pegging, I want your experience to go as swimmingly as possible, but things happen. Especially with a sex act like this, where there are multiple variables that most couples are unfamiliar with, things can feel frustratingly difficult. With that in mind, here are some common barriers that keep heterosexual couples from enjoying pegging - and how to fix them.
All of these are written from the point of view of strap-on wearing woman who will be pegging the butt of a penis-owning human, but suggestions could apply to couples of all sexes.
He's Terrified It'll Make Him Gay
This seems to be a common complaint, and it's one that's mostly in someone's head. This is usually something he will need to come to terms with on his own, but it can help to regularly reassure him that it isn't the case . (Or, you can send him over to sex blogger JoEllen Notte's piece: If Anal Sex Makes You Gay, Do Tacos Make You Mexican?)
Read: 5 Rules of Anal Play for Straight Men
We're Scared about the Mess
Yeah, shit happens. You're messing around in a part of the body that is regularly used for waste. Similar to the vagina (and the blood that happens) this is just a regular, biological function that this area is used for.
However, it's still something that freaks a lot of people out to the point that they may avoid anal sex or pegging entirely because of this fear! Well, that's no good! Aside from accepting that it's going to happen on occasion (and it's going to happen at some point if you engage in enough pegging sessions), it helps to do a few things:
First, make sure the receptive partner is eating a good diet - and having solid bowel movements. The time to play with pegging isn't after he's been sick with the stomach flu. Having your partner eat a full, fiber-rich diet and choosing to only play after he's had a solid movement within the last 4-6 hours can really help.
(This, of course, assumes that solid and firm bowel movements are physically possible for him. If that isn't the case, pegging is still very much on the table for most people, but you might consider using more barrier methods because of an increased chance of mess. IBS and Anal Play: Why It Doesn't Have to be a No-Go has some great tips.)
Second, some people really enjoy using enemas to clean out the area before play. After an enema or two, the interior of the body could be near-spotless, and you're much less-likely to run into anything that might offend the two of you. (Need help on how to do an enema? I got you.)
Third, you can always use barrier methods to keep your contact of any "mess" to a minimum. Puppy pads or medical chucks can protect your bedding and provide an easy, disposable place to place "dirty" objects. Gloves keep any mess off of your hands - and make it easier to transition between cuddling and pegging. Condoms mean that any potential "mess" can easily be stripped off the dildo and tossed into the garbage without needing to handle it.
Read: How Do I Prepare for Anal Play?
We're Not Sure Where to Start
Weirdly enough, a lot of couples get stuck before they even attempt pegging. After all, this is a whole new type of "sex" - and it's a type of sex that requires a lot of gear! This can make it extremely, extremely difficult to know where to start.
This is where beginner pegging kits can come in. If you've been around for my other pegging advice, you know that I generally recommend purchasing your strap-on harness and dildo separately. Not only does this ensure that you're more-likely to get something that works for both of your bodies, but it also means you can customize your kit to exactly what you need.
At the same time, having the knowledge you need to actually make educated, informed, and right-for-you decisions about dildos and strap-on harnesses is something that comes with practice, experience, and knowledge.
It's a Catch-22 - and not a fun one at that.
That's where a beginner strap-on harness kit can really come in. Especially since they're on the lower-cost end, these kits can give you a starting place to start to experiment with pegging - and figure out what you like in your strap-on harness and dildos. This gives you a jumping point to figure out what it is you actually want when you want to upgrade your equipment.
A beginner's strap-on harness kit can help you answer some questions like:
- Where do you want your strap-on harness to sit on your hips?
- What dildo size can the receiver comfortably take?
- How long does the receiver want the dildo to be? How long does the giver want the dildo to be?
- Do you need specific dildo sizes and lengths for specific positions?
- How do you wash your strap-on harness? Do you wish it washed differently?
Plus, even after you "upgrade" parts of your strap-on kit, the dildos included in your beginner's kit can still be very functional. They can become your warm-up toys - or they can be just-as-easily used in your new strap-on harness too!
One of the latest pegging beginner kits to get the scene is the Sportsheets New Comer's Strap-on Special Edition kit. Everything about this kit was designed to be simple for beginners to use. The interchangeable O-ring is fastened on by Velcro straps - which makes it a breeze to swap out. The included dildo is extremely slender and designed to be your first introduction to anal play. Plus, the harness fits hips up to 72"!
And here are some other beginner strap on kits:
Pegging Hurts Him!
This is a big one for many couples, and it's usually caused by a couple of different things.
First, he could be nervous. Like any other muscle around the body, the butt tends to tighten up when the person is nervous. This can make penetration of any sort much more difficult. The solution here is to ensure he's relaxed, engage in lots of foreplay, and start extremely small - maybe even with just a finger - to show him that things can feel pleasurable. He'll start to relax from there.
Second, it could be your dildo size that's the problem. One of the big benefits of using a strap-on is that YOU get to choose your own dick size. Want to be gigantic? Done. Want to be slim with a p-spot curve? You got it. You can strap-on and change your "dick" every time you play. With that being said, even on a day-to-day basis, what a person will be able to comfortably "take" may change.
Read: 8 Tips to Picking a Dildo That Will Rock Your World
If your partner is experiencing pain, consider going down to a smaller dildo. Especially if you're both new to this, some of the dildos included in "beginner" pegging kits can be surprisingly large! Consider a slim dildo with a diameter of less than one inch if he's having problems. Nobody says that your anal sex has to include a dildo of biological human size. Again, the fun of pegging is that you can use a dildo that's barely thicker than a finger! And of course, remember to do a thorough warm-up with lots of foreplay and using your actual fingers beforehand.
Here are some of my favorite beginner dildos to choose from:
The third and final factor when it comes to painful pegging is amount and type of lubricant you're using. Lubricant tends to dry up over time, and with that, it'll start to become uncomfortable. Especially if using a water-based lubricant, take the time to pull out on occasion and slather your dildo in another layer of lubricant. I personally like to keep gloves on-hand for this. I'll pull out of my partner, snap on a glove, use the gloved hand to re-lubricate the toy, then slide back in and take off the glove. That way, there's no lubricant/mess on my hand, and I can go right back to gripping onto my partner.
Read: What are the Best Lubes for Anal Sex?
Here are some of my favorite lubes for pegging too:
Now, this can be a tough one for some people. After all, you're basically trying to insert an inanimate object - that you can't feel - into your partner's butt. To top it all off, many strap-on wearers don't have experience being the penetrator. That's enough to give anyone performance anxiety!
First, consider blindfolding your partner. It's a small step, but knowing that his expectant eyes can't watch you can honestly help quite a bit when it comes to finding your groove.
After you've done that, it'll be time to experiment with a few different positions. You're, essentially, looking for sex positions where you can control the rate of penetration, you might be able to grind for clitoral pleasure, and any height differential won't matter. Turns out, a lot of sex positions are specifically designed for the penetrator to be the taller partner!
To start your journey, Kinkly has an entire section of strap-on friendly sex positions. It's really a great place to start.
One of my favorites for beginners is the Bound Love Triangle Position. While it's shown with Liberator sex furniture here (and that makes it really easy to achieve), it can be done with a well-positioned bed, couch, or ottoman too.