Focus on Sensuality
If you look at how most porn depicts anal sex, you’ll notice a trend: Ass sex is hard, fast, rough, and more about a show than the experience. Porn is great in many ways, but it has not done butt sex any favors in diminishing folks’ fear of pain. If that portrayal is your first exposure to anal sex, you’d be completely justified in turning tail and running away.
So, if you’re still interested, the best advice in working past anal discomfort is to unlearn everything you’ve seen in mainstream porn. Sure, there are some good, hot scenes out there, but let’s start from scratch and bring back the sensuality of the act.
Having a shower together is (literally) a hot way to bring sensuality into your anal pleasure. This also helps with the real fear of cleanliness. Many shy away from anal sex because they don't want to encounter (or expose their partner) to poop. If you're really worried about this, it may also help to perform an anal douche beforehand. If you’re confident in your body’s sensations (and your own dietary choices), this could be skipped. Instead, getting all soaped up under steamy hot water with your partner while your hands roam over each others’ bodies can set a relaxed, worry-free, and sexual mood.
Make Things Slippery. Very Slippery.
There may be lots of “S” words floating around here, but the most important word when it comes to painless anal sex actually starts with an L. It’s lube! Lube is the best friend of anyone who wants anything to do with your butt - and this includes you! Remember, the anus does not have natural lubrication like other orifices do. You really need to add some slippery stuff to the situation. Trying to penetrate your own or someone else’s bum without lube significantly increases the chances of anal tearing and pain.
There are four main types of lubricant you can use: water-based, silicone, hybrid, and oil. Everybody has their preference in lube, particularly when it comes to ass sex. And really, whatever works for you and your partners is important. However, it should always be noted that oil-based lubes breakdown latex condoms and silicone lubes can damage silicone sex toys.
Size Up the Situation
Usually, when it comes to sex, we try to say that size doesn’t matter. However, when it comes to bum fun, size absolutely matters. One of the most frequent sources of pain during anal sex is from trying to play with something you’re just not ready to use. This is particularly true if what you’re trying to play with is a rigid penis or toy. Even in the height of excitement, you have to temper your expectations of what you can fit inside you. If it is your first time enjoying ass pleasure, you and your partner need to start off small - and maybe not even take anything inside at all. Concentrate on the many fantastic sensations that can be felt on the outer part of the bum cheeks and anus through rimming, fingering, vibrators and more before even diving inside. It is important to get these good physical and mental associations in your body so that you’ll have something to come back to if you do experience discomfort. After you’ve driven each other wild on the butt porch, you can move on to inserting something - something very small - through the backdoor. Maybe a pinky finger? A tiny dildo? Whatever you choose, this is as much about creating that good feeling again. Sure, it is possible you might be able to take more, even during your first time, but starting small and working your way up to bigger sizes will heighten your excitement and lower your chance of pain.
Take It Slow
Finally, patience is the best virtue when it comes to anal sex. Everybody always wants to rush to dessert, even though we know we should enjoy the full meal first. Slowing things down is one of the keys to eliminating pain during anal fun. When ass is offered up, it can be hard to resist the temptation of getting right down to business. However, anal really shouldn’t be a quickie type of sex, so try to keep your excitement in check and let the bum fun progress naturally and slowly.
If penetration is the ultimate goal of your anal adventure, whether with deep fingers, a sex toy, or a penis, it is important to pick a position that is both comfortable and practical. Anal sex can be enjoyed in many different positions, but there are a couple that stand out when trying to avoid anal pain: on top and spooning. Being on top allows the person taking the penis to control the depth and speed of penetration. If there is any hint of discomfort, you are in complete control and can back off until good feelings return. Spooning is a wonderfully relaxed position that allows the anus to open and accept penetration quite nicely.
One last note: These suggestions offer an ideal, but we must remember that everybody's body is different. Fingers crossed these ideas will help you experience pain-free anal fun, but if other things do better, please share!