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Q:

How can I have my first threesome without it being awkward?

A:

Threesomes are a common fantasy but that doesn’t mean they’re for everyone. The best way to start down this path is to take some time to really consider if this is something you want to do in real life, or if you’re actually happier keeping threesomes as a hot fantasy.

If you think you’d like to try them out IRL, ask yourself why. What about the idea is hot for you? Once you know your why, that will make your how easier. For example, if you want to have a threesome to help you explore your sexuality, that information helps inform partner choice. If you want to use a threesome to explore some new kinks, then you know what skillset you’re looking for.

As for what comes next, that depends whether you’re starting the process single or as part of a couple.

If you’re partnered, the first step is to have a conversation. Is your partner excited about the idea of a threesome too? The way you bring up the subject is important, because if they feel blindsided by the idea, that can put an end to the discussion before it ever really starts. So be sure to take the right approach.

If you and your partner talk about sex on a regular basis, and are no strangers to trying new things — or if you already have an open relationship — then you can be more direct. Even just saying, “Hey, would you be up for hearing a fantasy of mine?”

But if you know sex is a sensitive subject or you’re not in the habit of sharing fantasies, you may want a more delicate approach. In fact, you’re probably better off starting small, by beginning to make space to talk about sexual preferences that only involve the two of you, and then move on from there.

While it might be frustrating to have to wait a while, know that the threesome experience will be much better if you and your partner go into it with a solid and comfortable connection. And communication skills are essential to making a threesome work, so it’s a great idea to practice talking about fantasies and making requests before you add other people to the mix.

If you’re solo, or if/when your partner is ready to go, then it’s time to find your third.

Once all three people are in a room together it might feel awkward to get the ball rolling, but if you’ve done your communication in advance, everyone knows what the plan is. That means, you just need a simple ice breaker to get started. Keep it simple and try, “It would be so hot to watch you two kiss,” and go from there. Just like riding a bike, once you get started, you’ll realize that sex with three doesn’t have to be all that different from sex with two.

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