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Q:

How can I find a third for a threesome?

A:

The easiest way to find threesome partners is to look among your current friend group. This is most successful if you already run in sex positive / kinky / open relationship circles. If that’s not your scene, never fear — you’ve still got options.


1) Make it your scene! If you want threesomes to be more than a one-time thing, it can be worth expanding your social circle. Do a search online and in just about ever city you’ll find meet-ups for every special interest. Just remember that many of these groups are for building community, not for cruising. So start by making friends. Not only will you be more likely to run into people who will be up for threesomes, you’re also likely to learn some new communication skills as well as some new sexy tips and tricks.

2) Give your current friend group a chance to surprise you. If you’re not used to talking about sex with your friends, there’s a chance you already have threesome friends and you just don’t know it. Try throwing an erotica reading party (these work well over video chat, too!) or get together to watch a sexy storytelling show (also available online!) These activities will give people an ice breaker to talk about what they’re into themselves, and you might find out you already have friends you can play with, or people who can introduce you to local sex positive communities.

Read: Can Sex With Others Bring You Closer Together?

3) Get online! There are tons of dating app options these days and several even cater specifically to folks looking for threesomes. The great thing about this option is that you can easily find people who you know want the same thing as you, which can save you the awkwardness of screening for such a specific desire from a more general audience.

Of course, online dating has its pitfalls too. The apps are a numbers game and it can take a while to get matches and then even longer to get a conversation going. Still, this is the best option for people who don’t want to be “out” to their friends, and who don’t want to make a lifestyle change or show up to sexy events to meet folks.

If you’re setting up a dating profile be sure to get clear on what you’re looking for. Online attention spans are short so you want to make just a few sentences really work for you. Be up front about what you’re looking for and what you have to offer. Remember that a threesome partner (or two) isn’t just there to make your fantasies a reality — they’ve got their own needs and desires, too. So make sure you’re leaving space for everyone to speak up for what they want, or you’ll scare off potential partners before ever meeting up.

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