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What's the best way to keep sex interesting?

Ducky Doolittle
Profile Picture of Ducky Doolittle Ducky DooLittle is a sex educator from NYC. She is also the author of "Sex with the Lights On: 200 Illuminating Sex Questions Answered". Ducky has appeared in the New York Times, HBO's "Real Sex", "The Morning Show", MTV, NPR, "The Howard Stern Show" and Playboy TV, to name a few.  Full Bio

What's the best way to keep sex interesting?


You want more licking, rubbing, thrusting, hips pointed up to the ceiling super-hot sex? I’ve got some ideas on how to create more of that in your life. My list of possibilities is vast and your list is only limited by your imagination and how adventurous you and your lover may be. Let me give you seven ideas to start you off.

Good sex is not about any particular sex act. It’s about knowing how to flirt, laugh and play with your partner. Send saucy text messages, go sex toy shopping together (online or to your local shop), play strip poker, make out in an elevator or have a quickie. Never forget how to play.

Ask For It
If there is something you want, tell you partner. If there is something they do that you love, tell them. If they bring some sexual idea or want to you, keep an open mind. You don’t have to do what they ask, but never judge them or make them feel bad for their desires. And who knows, you may find you like to be spanked or that the lap dance he’s been wanting is as exciting for you as it is for him.

Don’t Fear the Rut
The rut is a very natural place to find yourself, especially if you're in a long-term relationship with someone you love. Humans naturally develop routines. Routines create stability in our day-to-day lives. It’s natural that sex can become routine too. When you recognize that it’s happening to you, just give your sex life a little extra attention and steer it out of that rut.

Take a Time Machine
Think back to when your relationship was new. What were the most exciting things the two of you did together? They may not even be sexual in nature, but that does not mean revisiting those elements will not create some sparkle in your relationship. Maybe you explored restaurants, went to the movies more or spent time camping. Think back to what has worked for the two of you in the past and use it as your guide.

Be Beautiful
Beautiful is not how big or small your body may be. It’s actually not any physical attribute at all. Beauty is a feeling. If you have ugly panties, throw them out. If you have beautiful panties that are not comfortable, throw them out. Wear things that make you feel beautiful. Wear the shade of lipstick you love. Do things that make you feel beautiful. Eat well. Move your body. Dance. Do yoga. Do whatever it is that makes you feel beautiful.

Bedroom Makeover
Our bedrooms are the center of most of our sex lives, but is your bedroom optimized for pleasure? Give your bedroom a little makeover. Clean, organize and set yourself up for fun. Move your sex supplies to the most convenient spot. Have softer lighting options so you can create ambiance that is sexy. (A red light bulb may be more flattering for your skin.) Consider casting all televisions, computers, pets and children to other rooms in your house. Your bedroom should be your sanctuary.

Grow Your Mind
Continue to learn about pleasure anatomy and response. Read erotica and watch erotic films. Find sex blogs that excite you, be it a blog about sex education, erotica, photos, fetish or sex toys. There are so many people out there who are exploring ideas and sharing knowledge. Let them inspire you. You are already doing this by reading!

Have a question? Ask Ducky here.

View all questions from Ducky.

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