Couples

It’s National Fisting Day! 11 Tips for Safe Fisting Fun

Published: OCTOBER 21, 2023
Fisting isn't for everyone, but anyone can enjoy it with the right preparation, good communication and a bit of practice.

Welcome to National Fisting Day! From its connotations, "fisting" sounds like a brutal, scary act. But Zachary Zane, author of "Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto" and sex expert for Fun Factory, explains it like this: Fisting is when you insert your entire hand inside someone's anus (anal fisting) or vagina (vaginal fisting). Despite the name, he says, you do not actually ball your hand into a "fist." When you insert your hand, you press your four fingers to your thumb, so your hand resembles a beak. Zane says anal fisting is a popular kink, especially among gay and bisexual men. As a bicon (that's bisexual icon, FYI), he would know.


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Why "Fisting Day"?

Because fisting is often considered taboo in many societies due to a combination of factors, including cultural, social and historical influences. For one, fisting involves a level of intimacy and sexual activity that many people are not familiar with. Zane believes part of the taboo comes from homophobia since fisting has traditionally been considered a kinky act, specifically among gay men. Also, anything that involves your asshole is automatically considered taboo by many, and anal fisting, he says, is an extreme use of your asshole.

Why are people into fisting?

Some people enjoy fisting because it simply feels good. Zane notes it can be pleasurable to feel really "full." Second, many people just like the fact that it's kinky. "It's something that's considered taboo or 'extreme,' and that is a turn-on to many folks," he said. Third, it's very intense. "People enjoy pushing their bodies to their limits, and you undoubtedly can do that with fisting." Lastly, he notes having someone's entire hand inside of you is a very intimate act.


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Read: The Most Common Question About Fisting? Why?

Tips for Trying Fisting

Fisting isn't for everybody, but anyone can enjoy it regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation. And it can be very pleasurable with the right partner and a lot of lube. So, whether you're a seasoned enthusiast or simply curious to delve deeper, come explore this realm of connection that encapsulates the very heart of trust, communication and pleasure. Here's how to partake in this deeply intimate act. And remember that if you don't get there, that's OK. Sexual exploration is all about exploring within both partners' abilities and comfort levels.

Talk With Your Partner

When it comes to fisting, it is essential to discuss it with your partner beforehand. Surprising your partner or pressuring them into any sexual activity is never a good approach. Consent remains a vital part of all sexual activities and interactions.


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Read: 10 Things to Know About Fisting Before You Even Think About Trying It

Douche First

For anal fisting, Zane says you need to douche thoroughly since an entire hand is going inside of you. "You also need to prepare over the course of the day or, even better, the week," he says. Practice using butt plugs to help relax and stretch out your anal muscles. “You're not going to be able to take a fist in your anus without any prep."

Read: The Beginner's Guide to Anal Stretching


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Make Sure to Cut Your Nails

"If you're the fisting top, please make sure to cut and file down your nails," says Zane. "Nobody wants their asshole getting scratched.”

Consider Using Gloves

Wearing latex or nitrile gloves maintains hand hygiene and minimizes the potential for infection transmission between partners. It is particularly vital when one person has cuts or wounds on their hands that could transfer infections during insertion.

Use Lots of Lube

Personal lubricants are available in three types: silicone-based, water-based and oil-based. Zane suggests using a thick, viscous fisting lube, like J-lube. "Your typical water-based or silicone lubes are not going to cut it," he says. If you're worried about staining your sheets, you can also put down a towel or moisture-proof blanket.


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Read: The Best Kind of Lube for Every Sexual Scenario

Get in Position

For anal fisting, Zane says you can simply start on your hands and knees as if you were going to have sex in doggy style. "Of course, your top should go slowly and steadily when sticking their fingers inside you, checking in to make sure you're feeling comfortable," he says.

Don't Skip Foreplay

The importance of foreplay cannot be emphasized enough, especially when the end goal is to have an entire fist inside your anus or vagina. The more lubricated* your partner is (whether via lube or physical response to sexual arousal), the easier it will be for their body to accommodate a whole hand. From an emotional standpoint, slow and patient foreplay helps both partners relax before engaging in this advanced sex act.


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*Lubrication in the genital area can be a physical response to sexual arousal. Still, it is not always a definitive indicator of arousal. While sexual arousal often leads to increased natural lubrication in many individuals, the presence or absence of lubrication can vary depending on various factors, including individual differences, age, hormonal levels, medications and emotional state.

Take Your Time

Once everything is lubricated, penetrate your partner with one finger and monitor how they feel. (Do they need more lube? Does it feel good? Would they like to take more?) If they enjoy it, keep adding fingers, one by one, until they can all fit inside. Create a duck beak with all your fingers and penetrate your partner to your knuckles. If your partner enjoys the sensation, keep going - slowly - this time, including your wrist.

If all goes well, you're in!

Now it's time to start experimenting with what feels good for your partner. You can move your fingers to make a sensual motion or move your fist gently back and forth. Some people like the feeling of the fist being clenched and unclenched, too. Keep experimenting to find out what works for you. Just be sure to keep it slow and gentle as you partner opens up to the new sensations.

Practice Makes Perfect

It's OK if you don't get it right on your first attempt. Trial and error are a natural part of the learning process. With patience, practice and a willingness to improve, fisting will become easier and more intuitive in time.

Read: Anal Fisting: An Educated Look at Performing a Famous Porn Move

Prioritize Aftercare

When you're done, pull your fist out - gently. Especially after an orgasm, your partner may be extra-sensitive. Some people like to add more lube to make removal a little easier. Most importantly, fisting can be intense, so check on the fistee after you slide out and make sure they're doing OK.

Want to learn more? Check out A Step-by-Step Guide to Fisting.

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Ryn Pfeuffer

Ryn Pfeuffer is a versatile print and digital writer specializing in sex, lifestyle, and relationship topics. She got her start in the mid-90s at the Philadelphia Weekly, managing a 10-page section of the newspaper and more than 500 lonely hearts.Her professional stock skyrocketed when she started writing a saucy (and pre-Carrie-Bradshaw-era) dating advice column called “Ask Me Anything.” She appeared regularly on local radio stations and late-night TV as an expert on everything from grooming...

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