HOW TO PLEASURE
The Ultimate Guide to Giving a Girl a Handjob
Published: JULY 1, 2022
| Updated: JULY 25, 2022 10:41:06
From start to finish, learn how to give a girl a handjob that will have her coming...and then coming back for more.
[Editor's note: We know that not every girl is vulva-equipped nor is everyone with a vulva a girl. We hope these tips will be useful to anyone who wants to make their partner feel good!]
While the term handjob is usually used in reference to pleasuring a penis, there’s really no better way to describe giving someone with a vulva the same kind of pleasure. Fingering? Sure, you can, but that doesn’t really cover the intricacies involved in stimulating the entire vulva and clitoris. As anyone with a vulva knows, a good handjob is about more than repeatedly inserting your fingers into a vagina.
Cue this ultimate guide to giving a girl a handjob. From start to finish, learn how to give a girl a handjob that will have her cumming ... and then coming back for more.
Know Thy Partner
Possibly the most important thing to remember is that handjobs aren’t one-size-fits-all. Even if you’re using these techniques on someone that you don’t know well, keep in mind that they may not like what your ex liked - and that’s OK. All it takes is some communication about what feels good with them and you’ll be well on your way to giving them an orgasm like no other.
This may take some trial and error - especially if you're giving a handjob to a girl who hasn't done much masturbation on their own (for whatever reason). They may never have had an explicit sexual conversation about their preferences before, and even if they have, they may never have had to verbalize the exact things they enjoy.
If a descriptive conversation isn't leading to success during this, don't forget about the power of trial and error - while checking in. Try a new technique for a bit, ask them if they like it (or how to improve it!), and continue with that technique if the answer is positive. Especially if you're hoping to give a handjob to this girl multiple times, this can help you mentally build a profile about the touches and movements they enjoy.
Help Make Her Comfortable
Ever tried to enjoy a four-course gourmet meal in a chair you just couldn't get comfortable in? No? Okay, well, you get the gist. It's just really difficult to really savor all of the beautiful mixes of flavors if all you can focus on is how numb your butt is, how you're losing circulation in your left thigh, and the stinging pins and needles feeling in your right foot.
The same can be said when giving a girl a handjob. It can be really hard for your vulva-owning partner to fully relax into the experience if they're not comfortable. Now, if you've been around Kinkly for awhile, you know that "comfortable" means a lot of different things to a lot of different people.
It might be difficult for your vulva-owning partner to relax if the bright lights are illuminating all of her body. Her eyes might keep trailing to her open coursework on the kitchen table that she's currently ignoring. She might be straight from the gym - and constantly thinking about whether she smells fresh enough for this. Or maybe, quite simply, the bed or couch you're laying on is just uncomfortable.
Like mentioned above, this means "knowing thy partner." Knowing your vulva-owning partner's personal preferences and taking them into account can be a first step, but if you don't know them, feel free to ask. Nuzzling your face into their neck with a sultry "Mmmm, is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable? I really want you to enjoy yourself..." can be foreplay as much as it is open communication.
Getting your location and space ready for giving a girl a handjob seems like a minor thing, but it can make a huge difference without even taking your "skill" level into account, so use this to your advantage!
The remote controlled Lyla 2 can leave your hands free for other tasks
Make It a Full Body Experience
Lips. Neck. Stomach. Thighs. These are all erogenous zones that you can incorporate into your handjob - and should! Start off with some kissing, then move your lips to their neck and down their body. Incorporate your hands by gently tugging on their hair and caressing their thighs, before getting started on their vulva.
By building anticipation, you can build her arousal - and have the vulva already flushed and sensitive (in the best of ways!) to touch by the time you make it there. This can make your initial touches feel like lighting bolts of ecstatic pleasure - instead of cringing in its intensity.
You can also take advantage of the magic of hands-free sex toys to get the body purring while your hands are simultaneously elsewhere. A small vibrator, like the LELO Lyla 2, can add a lot of pleasure while foreplay takes place elsewhere at the same time.
Plus, it's a great idea to take your time at this step since many women need a significant amount of foreplay in order to orgasm.
Read: How to Have a Full Body Orgasm
Build Momentum as You Go
So you’ve found out what they like (and what they don't), gotten them significantly turned on, and you're ready to start the show. While it can be tempting to just head straight for the clitoris and rub it as quickly as possible, this is just not a good idea. Too much stimulation can irritate the sensitive clitoris and make the whole experience unpleasant. Instead, ease into the handjob.
Going slowly will give you time to clue in to their signals - how they're breathing, where they squirm in pleasure, and if they back away slightly due to being touched in a way that doesn’t feel great.
To build up the momentum, start by placing your hand on their pubic mound and gently stroke with all of your fingers. Notice how each part of the vulva feels: the inner and outer labia, clitoris, perineum. Use this time to slowly explore their body, build the momentum, and pay attention to the spots that seem to feel the best.
Find Her Pleasure Points
When it comes to what feels good, each woman is unique. While many vulva-owners do like straight clitoral stimulation, others find that it can be too much. Explore with your fingers and don’t forget to include other parts of their body; the inner thighs, butt, and stomach can all be stimulated in a way that adds to the overall experience. Learn where their pleasure points are by exploring with your fingers and being curious about all the ways you could possibly make them feel good.
If you’re worried about finding the places that give the most pleasure, don’t be. You really don't need to stress about it, there will be clues! Listen for a change in breathing, a tilt of the hips towards (or away!) from your movements, or moaning. For an extra check in, look at their toes or fingers. Many people will tense those areas with waves of pleasure.
If they aren't giving you clues you can read, don’t be afraid to ask. A simple, “Do you like that?” can help lead you in the right direction.
The beckoning motion of the Mona Wave helps keep vary sensations
Use Varying Pressure and Techniques
OK, so here’s a big thing that a lot of people miss when giving a girl a handjob: using the same strokes over and over can not only numb their sensitivity to pleasure, but it also makes it hard to keep their attention. Think of any constant stimulation around you. The hum of the lightbulbs? Gentle purr of the air conditioning unit? The feel of your shirt against your skin? Human bodies are really good at adapting - and then ignoring - any constant, unchanging stimulation.
To keep that from happening, vary the speed, pressure and technique that you use. Use your fingertips to make gentle circles. Employ the full length of your finger to rub up and down. Put your knuckles to good use to give some varied texture to her vulva. Roll your fingers back and forth. Use them to penetrate (if they're into that!). Tap, stroke, rub. Get the picture? Good!
The only caveat: throw this tip out the window if they're approaching orgasm. If you've found a technique that's helping them climb to that sweet spot, keep at that exact technique until they tell you otherwise.
Don't Be Afraid of Sex Toys
Whether you're brand new to giving a girl a handjob or simply hoping to keep pleasuring your partner until you both collapse, don't forget about the help sex toys can provide. The fast-twitch muscle movements that your fingers do for various clitoral movements can be absolutely exhausting to your forearm - and needing to call it a day before you're mentally ready to be done can be frustrating.
Instead, get comfortable tag-teaming with a sex toy. Feel free to alternate between your touch - and its touch - or get comfortable using it alongside your own fingers. Let a sex toy continue stimulation while you rest your exhausted muscles - or use a sex toy with one hand and continue your fingering with your free hand.
Read: 9 Super Hot Ways to Use a Wand Massager
Don't forget about a sex toy's ability to help your partner explore blended orgasms either. A g-spot vibrator - like the LELO Mona Wave can stay snuggled up against the g-spot - and actually stroke it for you! - while you're otherwise occupied pleasuring the clitoris or vulva. If your partner loves this dual stimulation, this can be an easy way to provide it.
It's also worth mentioning: no matter how much you want to give your partner an orgasm, some women are only able to orgasm via powerful vibrations - like that from the LELO Smart Wand 2. Even during their own, private masturbation sessions, some people struggle to (or physically just can't!) orgasm without the power of a large vibrator. If that's the case with your partner, don't think of it as a reflection on you: it's simply their way their body is made.
The powerful vibrations of the Smart Wand 2 can get her over the edge of orgasm
Try Different Clitoral Angles
The clitoris is like a little pleasure button, but that doesn’t mean you should just push it over and over again, hoping for the best. You have to see what works for the person you’re with.