Ahhhh, the elusive G-spot. Women’s magazines make it out to be the end-all-be-all of good sex. After all, isn’t it like a magic button up there somewhere that just needs to be pressed the right way? Once you find it, won’t all other sexual stimulation pale in comparison?

Welll ... not exactly.

Learning to master the G-spot would be so much easier if one technique worked for everyone. Unfortunately, it’s not that simple. Every body is unique and responds to different types of sexual stimulation. If G-spot stimulation hasn't worked for you, that's OK. But it may be worth a few more tries. Maybe you just need something different.

That said, it’s important to remember that finding the G-spot isn’t akin to finding the Holy Grail. It can be a slow process, more like learning to ride a bike. It might take a long time to get it right - weeks or months of exploration, experimentation and practice. Once you do learn how to ride that bike, it’s possible you’ll realize you don’t like bikes as much as you anticipated. In other words, not everyone likes the feeling of G-spot stimulation and that’s perfectly normal.

So how can you determine if you like your G-spot played with when you don’t even know if you’re doing it right? The simple answer is: try lots of different stimulation techniques. In my G-spot workshops, I teach a variety of methods. I also stress there isn’t a one-size-fits-all technique that's perfect for everyone.

Mastering the G-spot is all about experimentation. Here are some tips to get your creative G-spot juices flowing.

Ditch the “Come Hither” Method

The G-spot is a spongy mass of tissue located between one and three inches inside the vagina on the anterior (front) wall. Most G-spot guides say to locate the area with two fingers. Once you find it, curl your fingers in like you’re making a “come here” motion. These guides sometimes say to perform a gentle tapping on the spot. Although everyone is different, the vast majority of people respond better to firmer touch. So, rather than “come hither,” the motion should actually be more like “GET THE HECK OVER HERE!”

Firm, constant, steady, rhythmic pressure is usually what does the trick. For some, it’s more like a forceful, “LIFT THE ENTIRE LOWER HALF OF MY BODY OFF THE BED WITH YOUR FINGERS AND DON'T STOP!" kind of motion. That can take a lot of strength and stamina, which can be difficult to keep up. This brings us to tip No.2.

Toys Can Save the Day ... and Your Wrists

I like to think of sex toys more as tools than toys. Vibrators and dildos made specifically for G-spot play can help you get much further than you would by hand. Toys don't tire out or get wrist cramps. But which toy is the best? There are so many to choose from. As a general rule, most people respond best to insertables with a pronounced curve and a large, bulbous head. A lot of people enjoy G-spot dildos, but the best among them aren't the most versatile sex toys.

Vibrating toys offer a bit more variety. This is especially important for those who are still in the G-spot discovery phase. The LELO MONA Wave is one that satisfies many uses. It sports that essential G-spot curve, vibrates, and makes that telltale rhythmic curling motion many G-spots love.

Read: The Best G-Spot Toys for Beginners

Some prefer vibration on their G-spots, while other’s don’t. With a toy like this, if you’re not sure what you like, you can experiment with it vibrating or turned off. One thing the Mona does that most other G-spot toys don’t is it can do the “GET THE HECK OVER HERE” motion for you. You can set it to apply repeated, steady, G-spot pressure like fingers would. This is perfect for those experimenting alone, or for partners that need a little break. MONA can also be used externally for clitoral stimulation alone which is ideal for my next tip ...

Have a Clitoral Orgasm First

It’s critical you are at the height of arousal and have engorged erectile tissue before you venture on to the G-spot. Going in “cold” may result in discomfort or just not getting anywhere. Using our metaphor from earlier, it can be like trying to ride your bike with flat tires. Having a clitoral orgasm (or at least some intense clit stimulation) before penetration ensures you’re not only warmed up but relaxed too.

Anxiety is one of the biggest roadblocks to G-spot pleasure. If your mind is elsewhere or hyper focused on performing to a predetermined set of expectations, it can stop you in your tracks. I always tell my students that relaxation is key. But nothing makes someone tense up more than than insisting they relax! An orgasm can help you forget about your worries and let go enough to enjoy pleasure.

Go In Deeper

The goal of all this experimentation is to feel good, have fun and discover what your body responds to. Some swear their G-spot isn’t where all the magazines tell us it is. They report their sweet spot being much deeper inside. What these people are likely referring to isn’t the G-spot at all. It’s the anterior fornix, commonly referred to as the “A-spot”.

The A-spot is behind the G-spot, deeper in, near the cervix. It’s a circular area that feels kind of spongy. When stimulated, it can produce very powerful orgasms and abundant vaginal lubrication. Technically, this isn’t G-spot play, so why am I listing it here? Put simply, your goal is mind blowing penetrative stimulation, right? If this gets you there and you have fun doing it, isn’t that what matters? There are multiple pleasure centers inside the vagina. Limiting yourself to only playing with the G-spot eliminates your potential for maximum pleasure.

It’s important not to be goal oriented during any type of sex, especially G-spot exploration. If you slow down and enjoy the journey without expectation, you may stumble upon pleasures you would have otherwise missed. Perhaps these techniques will get you there on the first try. Maybe they’ll inspire you to come up with a few new moves of your own. Or, upon trying them, you'll discover you don’t like G-spot play as much as you anticipated you would. Wherever your G-spot journey takes you, that’s OK. The fun is in the trying. Whether these tips lead you to a toe-curling G-spot orgasm or not, you’ll still have an amazing ride - and a happy ending.