Why Great Things Happen When We Take Our Time in Bed

Published: AUGUST 4, 2015 | Updated: OCTOBER 27, 2015
A quickie can be a beautiful thing, but sometimes it pays down to slow down, take your time and let things really unfold.

I remember not too long ago when I was on top of my partner, slowly riding him, really taking my time because I was so familiar and comfortable with him. His penis curves a certain way that when I tightly grip his torso with my folded legs and lean back a little; it really hits the spot! I move back and forth very little, really massaging my G-spot. It feels divine. And the reason it does is because I take the time to really get into it, relax and enjoy myself. That can be a hard thing for busy people to do, but it can really pay dividends in terms of sexual pleasure. Here's why.


Location, Location, Location

In order to relax and let pleasure really build, you need the right setting - and a willing (and patient!) partner. I know that for my partner, my slow riding probably doesn’t give him as much friction as he needs to get off, but he enjoys watching me from below. He lets me spend as much time as I want on top of him, getting off as many times as I want until I am all tired out. He knows this comforts me and allows me to really take my time when I am on top of him. I am focused on my pleasure. My mind doesn’t wander. I don’t think, “Oh, is this sexy? Is he enjoying himself? Am I taking too long?”

Am I Taking Too Long?

This is the mantra long repeated in my head. Every time I had (or have) sex, I wonder if I am taking too long to orgasm. If he goes down on me, I have this feeling that as soon as his tongue touches my clit I should cum all over his face. As soon as he starts f**king me, I should be writhing in ecstasy from all the pleasure his dick is giving me.

Of course, that is never the case. I need to focus before I orgasm. I am pretty certain my "O-face" is not that half open mouth, head thrown back, eyes closed and seductively groaning face that I see on television. In fact, I’m pretty sure my face is that of a scrunched up pug. Maybe I groan. Maybe I swallow that groan. Who knows? I’m too busy having an orgasm to listen.


Wetter Is Better

When I am on top of my partner taking my time, I get so wet he once laughed and said he should wear goggles. That actually made me angry because I was embarrassed. I was so wet I was the one that made a wet spot. But wetness - and the time it takes to really get those juices flowing - takes time for most women. It also means that I get fully turned on and that means on certain days when everything is right, I am able to have a full on vaginal orgasm just by riding him. Having a vaginal orgasm and having a vibrator giving you a clitoral orgasm simultaneously is so pleasurable that after that, all I want to do is roll off and just lay there in orgasmic bliss. He can quite literally do anything and I will be enveloped in my cloud of fluffy happiness.

That Yummy Afterglow

He knows I’m pretty much useless after this so he tries to finish with me so we both can lay there being useless and happy. Yeah, I can be a lazy lover sometimes, but I know it’s because we both are so comfortable with each other in this manner. It’s lovely. We don’t always have this slow, take-your-time sex. Sometimes it’s rushed because we just want to get off and get going. And that’s OK. Yet, sometimes I just want to cum so hard I melt like ice cream on a hot day. There's really nothing like allowing yourself that unique pleasure.

Taking Your Time Has Great Benefits

I’ve had other partners that didn’t give me the time to get comfortable on top of them. That’s also why I’ve never had a vaginal orgasm while riding someone before this current partner. The other day after our session, I realized that after so many years (and partners), I finally got to experience vaginal orgasms. Not always, but sometimes. That felt great. I appreciated that I was allowed to slow down, take my time, and get out of my head and into my body. Try it yourself. Sex is fun, so what's your rush?


Coleen Singer

Coleen Singer is a writer, photographer, film editor and all-around geeky gal at (@ssshforwomen), where she often waxes eloquent about sex, porn, sex toys, censorship, the literary and pandering evils of "Fifty Shades of Grey" and other topics not likely to be found on the Pulitzer Prize shortlist. She is also the editor and curator of When she is not doing all of the above, Singer is an amateur stock-car...

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