As a customer service representative at an adult store, people often ask me what the best sex toy or technique is. Sometimes their questions are really vague, like "What will get a woman off 100 percent of the time?" Sometimes they are more specific, like "What is the best toy for G-spots?" "What is the best butt plug?" or "What is the best lube?" You'd think I'd know the answers to these questions, but what I've found is that no matter what the question, there's no one answer that's true for everyone.
So, I usually explain that not everyone is the same and ask a few clarifying questions: in the case of the person interested in G-spot stimulation, I explain where the G-spot is and that most G-spots generally prefer pressure of some sort. I tell them that not everyone is the same. And then I explain that there are a lot of different products out on the market made specifically for targeting the G-spot. Most are made of firm materials, which are good, and have a hook to them so they can better pinpoint the area. Some vibrate; others don't. They come in a whole range of materials, including metal, specially treated wood, glass, silicone, hard plastic, and the ABCs of porous materials including TPR, TPE, and others like jelly rubber. Generally, I’ll recommend the non-porous materials over other kinds. Beyond this, I cannot guarantee that one shape or material will work for a particular person. I can tell them about the quality of the products, what they're designed to do and what works for most people, but that's about it, and it's no guarantee.
This is because G-spots - along with the rest of our bodies - are all different. Some of us experience female ejaculation. Others don't. Some of us like the really direct stimulation that a toy like the nJoy Pure Wand applies, others really just don’t like it one bit.
Even so, there are a few key steps to coaxing the g-spot out to play. If you have a G-spot, you probably have your own unique set of techniques that do the trick. If not, these are just basics. If I've missed a step or technique that works for you, add it to the comments. Just because it isn't here doesn't mean it doesn't work - I just haven't heard of it ... yet.
4 Basic Steps to G-Spot BlissIn case you don't know, the G-spot is approximately two inches inside the vagina on the wall of the vagina parallel with the front of the body. It is spongy, slightly differently textured flesh that is usually right above where you can feel the pelvis through the vaginal wall. The usual order of operations for G-spot stimulation is warming up, introduction of the G-spot to stimulation, and then the preferred method of stimulation. Some people skip a step, some really lavish on one particular step, some ejaculate, some orgasm multiple times and some don't orgasm at all. So be flexible, listen to your body and learn to experiment. That's what great sex is all about.
Step 1: Warm Up
Most people find that the G-spot is most responsive if there's some clitoral action to warm up first, but anything that gets the blood pumping should do the trick. Arousal causes the spongy tissue that makes up the G-spot to engorge and swell, making it more prominent and more sensitive. Warm up could be anything that gets you excited, even if it's just thinking about the G-spot fun that's about to come. The reason stimulating the clitoris often works particularly well for this is because it's made of erectile tissue, much like the penis, and is comprised of a large inner network of still more erectile tissue. The G-spot is believed to be connected to the internal portion of the clitoris. So, if you excite the clitoris, the g-spot will generally enlarge as well. This makes it easier to find, as well as more receptive to what comes next. (Get more tips on finding the G-spot in G-Spot Hunting: How to Find It ... and Its Elusive Orgasm.)
Step 2: Hello, G-Spot, How Are You?
The next step to G-spot bliss is to introduce some stimulation directly to the area. This step is incredibly varied. The essential idea here is to introduce your G-spot to less intense stimulation in order to get it ready for more intense play. Some people stop here, at gentle stimulation. Others skip this step entirely. Direct G-spot stimulation isn’t something that works, or is even pleasurable for everyone, and that's fine.
If you do want to turn up the heat in this area, you could use a dildo designed to stimulate the G-spot, either directly, or indirectly through texture or girth. You could also use your fingers in a "come hither" motion. You could even use your favorite vibrator on a lower speed setting. Experiment with toys, yourself, and your partner to see what feels good for you.
Step 3: Thaaat's the Spot
The third step is actual, direct G-spot stimulation. As I said, not everyone is interested in this step and it may be skipped entirely, and others may go right in for this step and skip the ones that come before it. If direct, more intense stimulation feels good at this point, you can do it using a dildo, vibrator, fingers a penis or anything else that can be safely inserted and put pressure on the G-pot. Some people prefer a bumping motion, others like a circular, massaging motion. Experiment with yourself and gage how you feel.
Step 4: The Big Finale ... or Not
For some people, G-spot stimulation may end in ejaculation and/or orgasm - or it may not. One thing people need to remember is that orgasm, while it feels nice, isn’t the be-all end-all. In fact, some people don’t like how it feels because it’s too intense and even unpleasant. Plus, G-spot stimulation, even without orgasm, can be blissful. Again, there’s nothing wrong with this. Some people may decide to repeat these steps to have multiple orgasms, others may stop here, and still others may move on to other sexy fun.
Read: Pop Your Cork: The Ultimate Guide to Squirting Orgasms
Go With the FlowSome people find they're not interested in G-spot stimulation, or don't like how it feels. Other people will tell you it's the best thing that's ever happened to them. That's what makes sexuality so fascinating (and experimenting so much fun!). So, just because you're not feeling something the same way as someone else or not experiencing the same things other people report doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. In fact, stressing yourself out actually inhibits your sexual enjoyment. So try not to pressure yourself. And be patient. When certain nerves are new to being stimulated, it can take time for them to get them used to the sensation. So go slowly and try one technique or a combination of techniques a few times before giving up completely.
Each of our bodies is unique in the way it responds to stimulation. But with some knowledge of anatomy, the right sex toys, a sense of adventure and a dash of patience, we can all learn to interact with our bodies in more healthy and pleasurable ways. I can't guarantee that you'll find G-spot bliss (sorry), but what I know for sure is that if you follow your pleasure, you'll have a good time.