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Q:

What do you need to have good anal sex?

A:

Anal sex can be awesome. Or not. It’s so smart that you are asking this question because there definitely could be amazing orgasms waiting for you with anal play! I am happy to give you some insight on how to have the best anal sex of your life.

You Have to Want It

Do you really want to go there? Sometimes people have butt sex because they want to please a partner. Being a pleaser in bed is a beautiful quality in a person, but if you are only having anal sex to please your partner, then your body may not cooperate. Here's why.

The sphincter muscles need to be a bit relaxed at the point of penetration. If someone tries to enter your butt but you really don’t want to receive penetration, your sphincter muscles will naturally resist and that will result in pain.

Read: A First Timer's Guide to Anal Sex

Good anal sex should not hurt. It may feel strange and a little bit out of control, but it should not hurt. If it does, listen to your body and stop.

However, if you are full of honest curiosity and excitement with the idea of anal sex and your have a moment at the beginning to take a deep breath and consciously relax your muscles, penetration will be easier and fun.

I also highly recommend warming up with other kinds of play before anal penetration. Your warmup could be with toys, vaginal penetration, making out, grinding, or anything else that excites you.

Lube for Anal Sex

The second thing you need for great anal sex is a high-quality lubricant. The butt is not self-lubricating like a vagina can be, so lube is essential.

Don’t use just anything you find around your home, like Vaseline or coconut oil for anal sex. I recommend a very thick gel lubricant. A thicker gel lubricant will be long lasting and stays where you put it.

Take the Quiz: How Much do You Know About Anal Lubes?

Trust Equals Lust

You trust yourself, right? Playing alone is a great way to explore how exciting anal sex may be for you. You are the only person directly connected to your nerves and muscles. Solo play is the perfect way to become comfortable exploring your butt as an erogenous zone. If you then decide to try anal sex with a partner, you'll feel more comfortable and ready.

Be sure to choose your partner with care. It is essential that they have your best interest at heart. Exploring new ways to play is always easier when you know the person you are with cares about your experience and will listen to your needs along the way.

The Bottom Line

When performed properly, anal sex can be good for you. It’s like yoga for your butt! It may help with circulation, strengthen your pelvic muscles, and cut down on chance of developing hemorrhoids.

Remember, anal intercourse should not hurt. It should feel good, and it could feel weird - like you’re pooping backwards. If it hurts, something's gone wrong. Stop the thrusting and penetration, breathe, relax, and listen to your body’s needs.

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