Talking about the way our world handles sex can be very frustrating. In one respect, challenging issues can lead to change. That’s good! Other times, I have to say, I just want to launch a couple middle fingers into the air. This week’s Sex Stories We Love is all about feeling a bit sick and tired that these issues aren’t worked out yet.
Sex Stories We Love: Lest Ye Be Judged, Two Turntables and a Strap-on Dong, & Be an Ally
This week, we take a look at why we need more sex ed, how you can be an ally to sexual assault victims, and more.
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Oh Canada, country of mine, why are your judges so damn broken when it comes to sexual assault? Will there ever be month that goes by that does not include a story of a judge totally shitting the bed when it comes a woman’s bodily rights? We’ve seen too many of these stories. In this latest disgrace, there was an actual conviction, but along the way Judge Jean-Paul Braun commented that the 17-year-old victim was overweight, probably liked the attention of her assailant because he’s a good looking guy, and that there are varying levels of consent. This incident comes hot on the heels of another case where a man was found not guilty of sexually assaulting his wife - because neither of them knew consent was required in a marriage situation. This is unacceptable and has been unacceptable for a long time. Some measures are being taken to fix this situation, but they are inadequate. The old guard is still sticking up for the old guard. All judges, being in such an important social role, should be retrained to ensure they understand the social context of the cases they are hearing. Until then, complainants are in danger of being victimized all over again. Why are there still such outdated thoughts on who can enjoy specific sexual activities? What does it matter that some DJ may or may not like pegging? After a series of Snapchats, possibly between a woman and DJ Envy, were leaked, there’s been a gossip storm about the possibility that this fellow likes it when women slip strap-on dildos up his bum. So what? Why haven’t we moved past the idea that a straight man should not be into receiving anal penetration? Of course, that kind of pleasure is believed to be the realm of the dreaded homosexuals. Yikes, can’t be associated with them. (Can you sense my sarcasm and utter frustration here?) So, a guy wants some bum fun. Let's get off his back about it already. When it comes to sexual harassment in the entertainment industry, the dam seems to have burst and everyone is still reeling. Story after story is being told and the creeps of the industry are being outed for what they really are: awful human beings. At the same time, a new activism is rising. Let’s be clear about one thing first: the onus is on men to change problematic behaviors. If men do stupid shit, men have to fix themselves. In the meantime, "Arrested Development" star Alia Shawkat recently related a story of being allowed to take control of a nude scene while a male director stepped out of the room. This dude knew what was needed of him, and at the same time, Shawkat raised the issue to make the situation positive. This is a great way to work together and a good example moving forward.
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OK, back to Canada (it ain’t all tasty syrup and poutine up here, folks). Throughout the country, different provinces struggle with how to teach sex education in school. One of the complicating factors is that we have two official, publicly-funded school boards: public and Catholic). This system has been in place for decades, and in most situations isn’t an issue. However, the Catholic school system in Alberta wants to bring in a sex ed curriculum of its own, one that aligns with Catholic teachings. At issue are teachings about gender, sexual identity and consent. For years, there have been calls to cut these schools off of the public teat. If they cannot bring themselves to teach the current, recognized curriculum, then that time might be now. Speaking of sex education, we are definitely moving into an age where folks are saying “enough is enough” - or, rather, “not enough is not good at all!” In a bold new initiative, O.school launches this coming week with daily, streaming sex ed content. Now, it is not unusual for sex shops and educators to offer classes and workshops, but this is something new. And to make it happen, Andrea Barrica and her team found investors who kicked in $800,000 to make the school a reality. This is a significant victory (and a way to thumb a nose at all the governmental types who are trying to get rid of sex ed in schools.) We need to learn about sex throughout our lives and this will be a great resource for those who fell between the cracks. Finally, queer and trans folks talking up arms against the alt right just might be the most significant fuck you of all!
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Jon Pressick
Jon Pressick is a sex-related media gadabout. For more than 20 years, Jon has been putting sex into our daily conversations at his long-running site SexInWords—as a writer, editor, publisher, sex toy reviewer, radio host, workshop facilitator, event producer and more. These days, he focuses on writing for Kinkly, GetMeGiddy, The Buzz and PinkPlayMags and editing Jason Armstrong's series of Solosexual books. In 2015, Jon edited Cleis Press' Best Sex Writing of the Year, V1 to rave reviews. He's also the winner of the 2010 TNT Favourite Adult Journalist Award and one of Broken Pencil's 50 People and Places We Love past co-host and producer of Sex City. Jon co-produced the queer literary festival Writing Outside the Margins with Xtra Magazine for two years. You can find him on Twitter at @Sexinwords.
