Sex and controversy seem to travel hand-in-hand. Or, at the very least, they're connected in some amazing but contentious way. They say don’t talk about politics or religion in mixed company, but have you notice how sex is left out? That elephant isn’t even invited into the room. In this week's Sex Stories We Love, we talk about both!
Sex Stories We Love: Breastfeeding During Sex, Engaging the Elusive, & Sex Retail Solidarity
Breastfeeding During Sex
Bloggers and vloggers are always going to be the ones who stir things up the most when it comes to sex. These are some of our most honest mediums to share thoughts and concerns, reactions, and observations. When it comes to sex, if you look for controversy, look to the blogs. One recent instance hit on an especially sensitive topic: new parents and sex. More and more people choose attachment parenting, which can include family beds. Well, when Tasha Maile posted a video about breastfeeding her infant while she was having sex, the response was quite negative. Yet, this piece puts it into perspective. Maile did not include the infant in sex. There were two different activities happening concurrently. The child was not sexualized (breasts can have different roles at different times, according to their "owner’s desires.") Plus, the baby was asleep. The kid won’t be affected by this, and will have no memory. And, dammit, parents just need to multitask sometimes for their own sanity. Will this be for everyone? No. If it helps Maile, her partner and their baby, good enough.
Nice to Meet You. Wanna ...?
It is a pretty simple question that gets posed a lot: “Would you have sex with a stranger?” Somehow this has long been a barometer for what kind of sexual person you may or may not be. It isn’t the only question that gets asked nowadays as we’re a little more open to exploring people’s predilections. Whether you would consent to sex with someone you don’t know or have just met remains a hot topic...or is it? Well, this might depend who you’re talking to about it. While the various studies debated in this recent article in Psychology Today focus on face-to-face requests for anonymous sex, it does not include any discussion of hook-up apps and dating sites such as Tindr, Blender, Grindr, Plenty of Fish, and countless others. Perhaps that explains the differences in who is down to fuck and who isn’t. Are people of all genders more likely to move toward sex with a stranger if there is the medium of electronic connection between them first? I’d like to see that study integrated with the others.
Engaging the Elusive
One of the more common ways folks look for a stranger to have sex with is when couples get into their best camouflage and head out on a unicorn hunt. Describing finding a single woman to bring into your coupled sex as a hunt might seem a little harsh, but for some who’ve been approached for this type of situation, that is how it can feel. In a recent piece, the inimitable Luna Matatas offers up threesome tips help to couples who are interested in involving a third in their sexytime fun. All-too-often the thought that you’re involving a third person becomes too abstract. They can come to represent more of an ideal and not so much a person. They can become more of an inanimate object and not an equal in fun. And, as Luna explains, this can happen right through and after the sex itself. So, if you’re looking for this kind of good time, make sure you all ensure it is a good time for everyone.
Sex Retail Solidarity
Speaking of awkward threesomes, we usually think of retail environments as the interaction between the customer and the shop worker. Let’s not forget that the shop owner is often in that equation as well. Sometimes, as in all working environments, these three groups can come into conflict, with the workers often being caught in the middle. The owners want to sell the goods and make a profit. The customers want to buy the goods and spend as little as possible. The workers somehow mediate this relationship in a way to make both parties happy, which can be especially challenging in a sex shop that involves a diversity of people who are all dealing with a subject that is still sensitive to some. Fortunately for the workers of Pleasure Chest locations in New York City, they are now represented by a union to keep their needs known to management. Unions are still a controversial topic, but I’ve definitely known a lot of people who’ve entered and left sex retail in a short time because the working conditions are challenging. Having a union to help could make all the difference.
Would it have even been possible to have a column about controversies in sex without mentioning porn? Porn is to controversy as the CN Tower is to lightning in a thunderstorm. Porn is often questioned about how the performers are treated, whether the subject matter too extreme for people to be participating in, whether there should be better diversity of people and much more. What happens when you take the people out of the equation? You’d think that would help clear up some of the issues, but no. Animated porn can be just as contentious, even though it is growing in popularity. Nicole Guappone at Glamour Magazine makes some excellent points about the validity and usefulness of being able to separate yourself from animated porn moreso from live action porn. However, as is being seen in other sex industries, the ability to take the human out doesn’t solve other issues. As sex dolls and robots are on the rise, so too is the ethical question of presenting robots that look like children. The same could be argued for animated porn. Is porn safer for consumption when it isn't "real'? I hoped this would be explored and would love to hear readers' thoughts!
So Many Strings Attached
Finally, we constantly get more evidence that the 1970s were a pretty wild time of exploration ... and odd ideas. Like this puppet sex movie featuring controversial pornographer Al Goldstein. Has anyone seen it? I can’t decide if sex writer curiosity might get the better of good judgement when it comes to watching this.
Jon Pressick is a sex-related media gadabout. For more than 20 years, Jon has been putting sex into our daily conversations at his long-running site SexInWords—as a writer, editor, publisher, sex toy reviewer, radio host, workshop facilitator, event producer and more. These days, he focuses on writing for Kinkly, GetMeGiddy, The Buzz and PinkPlayMags and editing Jason Armstrong's series of Solosexual books. You can find him on Twitter at @Sexinwords.