I have several fetishes that I am nervous about bringing up. How can I get the sex life I want with a new girlfriend?

I want to say two brief statements here before I give you a more in-depth answer to your question.

  1. There is a time and a place for everything.
  2. Not everything is for everybody.

I don’t know what fetishes you enjoy, but that doesn’t necessarily matter. What I can say is that if you’ve just started seeing her, you may have to hit the pause button for a minute to see what happens before you begin introducing her to some of your more nuanced interests.

Statement #1: Timing and placement are key. You should not bring this to her attention the first time you have sex unless you feel that the situation allows for introducing your fetish based on her prompting. Depending on the fetish, I would recommend working up to it. Slowly bring in ideas and activities that guide your sex life toward those things which interest you. Gauge her response along the way. As you spend more time together, see how she reacts and build on it each time. DO NOT rush at her with everything you love doing all at once. You could also initiate a fantasy oriented conversation to see where her sexual interests lie. You may be able to utilize that opening to your advantage and mention some of your own interests. You may get lucky enough that you have similar interests or she may be open to exploring your interests over time.

Statement #2: You should be prepared that she may not be receptive to all of your fetishes. Perhaps you want to do things she doesn’t want to do. This doesn’t mean that they won’t ever happen. Maybe your fantasies hit a hard limit for her. If that is the case, you will want to evaluate what you plan to do from there. Can the two of you discuss compromising on some of it? Is all of it off the table? How important are these activities to be included in your sex life? If she says no to all of it, will you want to call off the relationship? Do you think there would be ways to supplement your fetishes without her (such as porn)?


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