When your partner confessed an interest in ageplay activities, you were probably pretty confused. What is this fetish all about? What does it entail? If you want to participate to please your partner, what will that mean?
While the internet is known for being the catalyst of a lot of change, one of the best things to come out of the invention of the internet is the ability for people to connect with one another. Not only did it create communities of people with various hobbies, but it also opened up sexual communities. Instead of feeling abnormal due to a unique kink, people were finally able to easily seek out other people who were into similar fetishes. People no longer had to feel "alone" in what they enjoyed - not when there were hundreds of other people out there who enjoyed the same thing!
The internet is hardly news now, but it is what's making it possible for you to learn more about your partner's kink today. Here we take a look at ageplay and attempt to answer some key questions about this unique fetish.
What is ageplay?
Ageplay is the idea of role playing someone of a different age than you biologically are. Many ageplayers prefer picking a role in the younger ages such as an infant, a toddler, a younger child, or a teenager. The specific age someone prefers will be unique to the person themselves.
Activities common to ageplay may include (but won't necessarily include) drinking from bottles, being dressed in frilly or printed clothing, diapering, spanking, playing with toys, cuddling with a partner, and other activities commonly associated with childhood. The particular activities will depend on the ageplayer's preferences and their age.To learn what your partner is interested in with regards to this fetish, talk to them about it. Ask questions. Opening the lines of communication is the best thing you can do ... for both of you.
Why do people enjoy ageplay?
Instead of worrying about all of the stresses of adult life, playing a different age allows someone to enjoy the simpler, easier life that came along with that younger age Similar to other methods of relaxation (such as meditation, adult coloring, yoga, and the like), ageplay offers an easy way to escape the pressures of adulthood.
Aside from the relaxation experience, individual reasons for enjoying ageplay tend to vary by person. It's worth asking your partner about their own reasons for loving it.
Are there terms I should know?
Caregiver/Babysitter/Big/Mommy/Daddy: These terms are usually used to describe the one in charge. Feel free to identify with whatever term makes you feel most comfortable.
Little/Babygirl/Babyboy: These terms are usually used to identify the person doing the ageplaying in any given scenario.
Middle: The most common type of ageplay involves choosing a role to play between the ages of 1 and 10. "Middles" specifically identify themselves because they prefer role playing ages older than 10.
Regression: This is the act of "regressing" to a younger age. More intense and deeper levels of regression often take longer to "come back to reality." Make sure to take this into account when planning out your time to play.
Adult Baby/Diaper Lover (ABDL): This term is generally used to identify the entirety of the act of ageplay and diaper wearing. If someone says they are an ABDL, they're into some aspect of ageplay or diaper wearing. However, not everyone who enjoys ageplay wants to wear a diaper.
Is ageplay about kids?
For many uninitiated in the kink, hearing the term "ageplay" can instantly bring up the mental image of children. For people practicing ageplay, though, this couldn't be further from the truth! Instead of letting your mind wander that way, let your brain wander another way. Consider the simplicity you had as a child. Think about how innocent and easy your life was as you only had to worry about what snacks were up for grabs, what was on TV or which toy to play with.
That simplicity and innocence is what a lot of ageplayers are trying to capture. Similar to "pet play" (which involves role-playing an animal), this type of role play allows the player to return to a simpler, easier head space. Instead of worrying about the bills, how they look, or the stresses of life, ageplayers choose to adopt a simpler mindset. Similar to how you may have activities you enjoy to relieve the stress of life, role playing and regressing can become an ageplayer's way to unwind from the stresses of life – it has nothing to do with another person.
Why types of ageplay are out there?
For the sake of simplicity, you can assume there are two types of ageplay out there: sexual and non-sexual.
Non-sexual ageplayers do not find their regression to be a sexual experience; they like regression for its own sake. Non-sexual ageplayers tend to enjoy going further into regression and may require more hands-on "care" than a sexual ageplayer. Non-sexual ageplayers are going for genuine regressive experiences; they want to immerse themselves in the genuine experience of their younger selves.
Sexual ageplayers find a sexual enjoyment in the role play. For many sexual ageplayers, this is due to the feeling of being cared for and the trust and intimacy involved in the role play scenario. People who enjoy the sexual side of ageplaying will likely enjoy sexual touching and an orgasm during the scene.
In many cases, sexual ageplayers will consider their enjoyment of ageplay as a "fetish" or “kink;” whereas many non-sexual ageplayers may consider it a part of their core identity or part of their lifestyle.
What do I need to know if my partner is into ageplay?
Now that you're equipped with some of the basic information about ageplay and what it entails, you and your partner need to sit down and have a conversation. This conversation needs to include a serious discussion about your partner's ageplay preferences. After all, if you want to help bring these fantasies to life, you need to know what your partner enjoys about it.
Ask them if ageplaying is sexual or non-sexual for them. Ask them how "old" their role playing persona is. Ask them how they imagine their caregiver would take care of them. Ask them what types of activities they like to enjoy while they're role playing. Most importantly, ask them how ageplaying makes them feel. For many people who enjoy ageplay, this desire can become a taboo topic that makes them terrified of rejection. Try to be as accepting as possible. Remember this is a brand new side of your partner that they're trusting you enough to reveal.
Don't be afraid to speak up about your own preferences as well! Compromise is part of any relationship, and the fact that you're even agreeing to try this in the first place is likely already making your partner very happy. There's no need to consent to anything you're uncomfortable with. If they make a request that you're uncomfortable with, consider a compromise such as: "I'm not OK with changing a used diaper, but I'd be OK diapering you in a clean one. Could you teach me how to do that before we play?" Expect that your preferences and comfort levels will change as the two of you explore, but it's normal to want to start with simpler, easier tasks.
How can I try out being a caregiver for my ageplaying partner?
Luckily for you, ageplay is extremely easy to try out. Whether you're playing the caregiver or the little, ageplay is about creating a stress-free space with lots of child-like things to play with. For the sake of mental head space, I recommend setting out a specific time frame for your play session. For example, decide that you and your partner will explore their little side from between 1 p.m. and 5 p.m. and you'll ask them to come back to adulthood after that. That's it!
Oh? You want more ideas? Well, consider some of these simple props and ideas to keep your ageplaying partner entertained:
- Let your partner crawl onto your lap while you read them a children's book. Don't forget to vary your voice with the different characters and take the pacing slowly. For bonus points, ask them simplistic questions about the characters in the book.
- Purchase some baby food (or even just regular applesauce). Sit your partner at the kitchen table and feed them spoonfuls of the food. For bonus points, put your partner's hands in thick mittens so they're unable to help.
- Don't forget there are tons of fun ways to make foods "child-friendly." Cut a sandwich into a cute shape. Eat "children's" foods like chicken nuggets or simple sandwiches. Use a plate with built-in divides. Insist your partner eat their vegetables before they leave the table.
- Coloring books can be a simple way to comfortably enjoy your partner's ageplay regression. Even adults are into coloring! Share a set of crayons or colored pencils, and enjoy coloring some of your favorite pages with your partner.
- If you have warmer weather outside, consider picking up a couple containers of bubbles and bubble wands. Even as adults, it's impossible not to feel like a kid when you get to blow bubbles. For bonus points, consider getting some sidewalk chalk and other cheap outdoor toys to make it an afternoon of outdoor enjoyment.
- Put your partner "to bed" for a nap. Once they're in bed, curl up with them and cuddle them while you pet or lovingly stroke them. This can be an intimate experience for both people.
- Don't forget about corner time. As simple punishment, you can "force" your partner to stand and face a corner to repent for some of their misbehavior. For bonus points, supervise them and feel free to give a harsh scolding if they wiggle or move too much.
Where can I find more information?
While this article was a quick primer about what to expect with ageplay, you may want to do more reading to better familiarize yourself with it. I'd highly recommend the book "There's a Baby in my Bed" by Rosalie Bent, "There's Still a Baby in my Bed!" by Rosalie Bent, and "The Big Book for Littles" by Penny Barber.