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BDSM

Your Hand, My Ass: Erotic Spanking for Beginners

by M. CHRISTIAN
Published: SEPTEMBER 17, 2021 | Updated: OCTOBER 21, 2021
Presented by KINKLY SHOP
If a little (or a lot) of pain is your pleasure of choice, you might want to bend over and give spanking a try. Or maybe deliver a swat or two to your partner.

OK, who's been a naughty, naughty little kinkster? Tsk, tsk ... somebody needs a spanking! But before you dive headlong into a game of slap and tickle, you may want to read our crash course on spanking. Consider it spanking 101.

Need some spanking essentials?
Check out the Impact Play Adventure Bundle in the Kinkly Shop!

It’s no wonder the energetic application of a hand to the posterior is so popular. After all, it’s easy to do, can be wonderfully stimulating, performed without a great deal of pre-play preparation, and for many of us, was our earliest introduction to kink.

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Not there aren’t some quite significant things to consider before engaging in a bout of spanking, some of which might even be the difference between a red-cheeked arousing experience and one that really smarts … and not in a good way.

Why Spanking Is Sensual


Another big reason for getting swatted on the tuchus is how extraordinarily sensual it can feel—fueled, along with sometimes a bare hand making contact with an equally bare ass, by our posteriors being as close to our genitals as anything can be. So thuddy impacts have a pleasurable tendency to travel through them and stimulate whatever genitals the person struck happens to be equipped with.

However, there’s a decided one-sidedness to a good, old-fashion spanking. I’m talking about how evolution has granted us butts able to take a remarkable amount of swats, like when delivered by heavy and/or intense implements such as floggers or canes, without risk of serious injury.

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On the other ...hand, our fingers, wrist, palm, and so forth are incredibly fragile. So more times than not, the spank-er has to call it quits long before the spank-ee will.

Fortunately for both, there’s an easy solution allowing both parties to have a rollicking good spank-a-thon. Where, in the end, they’ll be a happy, cherry-red ass and an equally delighted and non-sore hand on the other.

But before delving into how you can achieve this happy medium, let’s get into an essential element for any kink activity: communication.


Read: Safe, Sexy Spanking TIps for Two

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Talk First, Spank Later


An unfortunate side-effect of spankings is often perceived simplicity, which is it can be easy to forget it’s still BDSM play. As with everything from bondage to breast play, it’s vitally important for those involved to talk, listen, understand, and conscientiously respond to what’s going on.

So much so, if for any reason you or whoever you’re playing with can’t stay in constant communication with one another, I advise holding off on doing anything until it can be worked out.

It may seem odd to say, but though the physical risks are on the very low-end of what to worry about, spanking can conjure unexpected and sometimes extremely intense emotional reactions—particularly when triggered by early childhood memories—the emotional risks can be unexpectedly high.


Play by the Rules


I’ve found an excellent way to help minimize this; whether they’re leather, wood, plastic, or any other material, they can dish it out and, to the relief of spank-er’s everywhere, take it.

If you need an idea of what a great paddle can look like, just take a gander at the Kinklab Panamorphic 3-in-1 Paddle: a fantastic, all-around plaything that manages to pack three unique impact sensations, faux leather on one side with the opposite swappable for a sultry fake-fur feeling or a vigorously metal-studded surface.

For immersive adventures into teacher-and-student discipline, you can’t go wrong with the Ruff Doggie Styles Naughty Ruler. Nun’s habit or strict headmistress uniform, sadly, not included.

For the romantically inclined, there’s the heart-shaped and furry-fun Sportsheets Enchanted Heart Paddle: a paddle that can be arousing or extreme depending on what you like and how much vigor you put into using it.

Read: 8 Tips For Buying a Spanking Paddle

The Physics Of Spanking


Paddles or the other fun things you can use share a lot in common with every other BDSM implement. The material they’re made of, their size and shape, and how they’re wielded can affect their intensity, physical after-effects like welts or bruising, or the likelihood of serious injury.

Spanking is pleasantly low in the risks department compared to a lot of other BDSM activities. Merely stick to the meaty part of the ass and stay away from the kidneys and tailbone and you’ll be fine.

But you should be aware heavy-ish toys such as the Sportsheets Black Vinyl Paddle, XOXO, or the Sportsheets Studded Paddle tend to deliver thuddier impacts and may result in deep bruising if used vigorously.

Meanwhile, something lighter and thinner like the crop in the Impact Play Adventure kit leans to sharper, extra-bright sensations and may result in welts or other superficial effects if used for a long time or with an extra-firm hand.

Then there’s how fast, slow, long, or short strokes may alter how a toy feels or how comfortable it will be to spank with. But while these and other kind-of approximate rules are out there, it’s much better to go with the spirit rather than the letter of these sort of “laws” and instead rely on what spank-er and spank-ee are saying about how this or that toy or technique feels.

Read: The Ultimate Guide to Impact Play Toys and Implements

Experiment With Techniques and Toys


Paddles aren’t the only very-very-fun-things you can use in a spanking session.

The Impact Play Adventure Bundle includes a paddle, a crop and a flogger to give some options for sensations, plus fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold if you want to spice things up even more.

Why not use a vibrator in combination with a bout of whack-the-bottom? For the vagina-equipped, may I suggest We-Vibe’s Jive, built for G-spot play, or for those with them, how about their prostate-pleasuring Vector?


And why stop there? What about vibrator-enhanced cock rings such as Fun Factory’s NŌS or anything akin to a Lora DiCarlo Filare for clitoral stimulation?


No Limit To The Fun


No matter if it’s clothespins on nipples, pegging, or orgasm denial, when it comes to anything BDSM-related, you’re only limited by your imagination. That and always being as safe as possible, staying in constant communication, and understanding the importance of consent, of course.

So feel free to explore a wide range of spanking positions, devices, styles, and more, more, more: keeping what works, reconsidering what doesn’t, and keeping in mind that in sex as well as life, the joy is in the journey and not necessarily the destination.

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PRESENTED BY

Photo for M. Christian
M. Christian

M.Christian is an author who has been published in science fiction, fantasy, horror, thrillers, and even nonfiction, but it is in erotica that M.Christian has become an acknowledged master, with stories in such anthologies as Best American Erotica, Best Gay Erotica, Best Lesbian Erotica, Best Bisexual Erotica, Best Fetish Erotica, and in fact too many anthologies, magazines, and sites to name. In addition to writing, M.Christian is a respected sex and BDSM educator, having taught classes on everything from polyamory to tit torture for venues such as the SF Citadel, Good Vibrations, COPE (in Columbus, Ohio), Beat Me In St. Louis, Winter Fire, Floating World, Sin In The City (Las Vegas), Dark Odyssey, and many others.


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