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SEX TOYS AND PRODUCTS

Decorating Tips to Make Your Bedroom a Sanctuary for Sex

Published: FEBRUARY 28, 2022
Presented by KINKLY SHOP
Experts recommend reserving your bedroom for the two S's: Sleep and sex. Use these tips to get the most out of both.

When it comes to arousal, the state of your bedroom might not matter at all—or it might matter a whole lot. But even if it doesn't matter to you, it might matter to your partner(s)—which now means it matters to you.

While different sex experts call it different things, discussion about our surroundings—and how they can impact our sex drives—is core to many theories about sexual arousal.

Sexual Arousal Theories

The Gas-And-Brake System

Sexologist Dr. Emily Nagoski (author of "Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life") thinks of sexual arousal like a gas-and-brake system you'd find on a car. On one hand, you have the "gas": things that arouse you—like wearing lingerie or thinking sexy thoughts. And on the other, you have things that hit the brakes on your arousal—like seeing dirty laundry, feeling uncomfortable in that lingerie or feeling scratchy sheets on your body.

Following Dr. Nagoski's theory on arousal, the purpose behind decorating your bedroom is to maximize the gas items—and minimize the braking items for your best chances at fulfilling sexual experiences.

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READ: 8 Ways to Turn Yourself on for More Satisfying Sex.

The Erotic Blueprint

Another perspective on arousal comes from sex expert Jaiya, who talks more about the individual erotic blueprint.

The erotic blueprint theory is the idea that each person has their own preferred journey to easy arousal—similar to the five Love Languages—but for erotic play. One of the five erotic blueprint types is the "sensual" type: someone who's aroused by indulging in their senses—like the primal smell of sex, the sight of a clean bedroom, the feel of skin on theirs and seeing their partner partially undressed. At the same time, someone with a different erotic blueprint may be happy having sex on a mountain of dirty clothes—because cleanliness isn't on their radar of arousal!

(I highly recommend looking into both theories, honestly! Both are fantastic and I've learned a lot about my own sexuality through both.)

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READ: Why We All Need Sex Ed (Even Adults!).

The point is: The state of your bedroom can be vitally important for a lot of people's sex drives—even if you don't realize it is. You may not be aware that dirty piles of laundry or digging through your underwear drawer for a vibrator is affecting your sex drive; but it still very much may be—your other "gas" options just may be winning out over its braking effect on your sex drive.

So, what's a person to do? How do you go about treating the bedroom like it should be: a sanctuary for sex (and sleep)? Let's hit some common (and not-so-common!) suggestions:

Remove All To-Dos

When you look at your bedroom, do you see the happy place where you get to sleep and fuck? Or do you see piles of objects that remind you of all of the things left on your to-do list?

In other words, step one of turning your bedroom into a sex sanctuary is getting rid of all the various "to-do" piles. This might mean tackling them first when you're on your next cleaning spree; but it might also mean literally moving those piles into another room.

If there's a half-finished crafting project you've been meaning to get to on the bedside table, toss it in the living room—and get it out of eyesight in the bedroom. The last thing you want is to think while your partner undresses you is "Oh, I should really be doing that craft project".

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Even if it's not consciously on your mind, our brains are tricky little things. There's a reason activity experts recommend placing your workout shoes near the front door where you can see them: The sight of your shoes reminds you and encourages you to work out.

While you're at it, if you can clean your bedroom (to whatever level is comfortable for you), that's always great. For most couples, either you or your partner has to clean the bedroom - so removing it off of the "to-do" list for one of you will help that person relax better into play.

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Don't Work in the Bedroom

Remote work is the dominant setup across many companies right now. But if you're working from home, ensure you're not doing it from bed.

Why? Well, if you've ever worked in a place outside of your home, think about how your brain reacts when you see that space. When you see the restaurant where you wait tables, do you think, "That's my favorite food," or do you think about the next time you need to go into work?

The same can be true about your bed. If you're spending 40 (or more) hours a week working in your bed, you may look at your new de facto office space and only be able to think of your next deadline. Not only is this harmful for actually sleeping—but it's not great for your sex drive either. Even if you are turned on by the idea of having sex at the office, doing so when the office is your bed probably won't do it for you.

READ: Wanna Act Kinky in Public? Here's How to Do It Incognito.

Here's another reason to move your work out of the bed: Laying in bed with a laptop for hours a day is just hell on your back and body. (Take it from someone who did it for a year before realizing the consequences.) Instead, set up a secondary office space (preferably with a supportive chair and ergonomic set-up)—and reap the sleeping and sexual benefits.

If you live in a really, really small apartment (studio apartment-owners, unite!), I understand that space is limited. In that case, attempt to set up a small desk (desks that fold up when you're done are out there!) in the corner of the bedroom and avoid doing your work from bed when at all possible.

For people who are connected to work 24/7, this includes your cell phone. If it's vital to scroll through your cell phone at night, ensure all work-related cell phone usage ends as soon as you step from the bathroom to the bedroom.

READ: Sexting: A Guide to the Erotic Power of Words.

As experts have been harping on all of us for ages, though, it's best to avoid using your phone at all while in bed. (I don't know about you; but that's not something I'll manage to abide by anytime soon.)

Incorporate Mood Lighting

What lighting do you have available in your bedroom? If it's a single, overhead, LED light, it's no wonder it's hard to view your bedroom as a sexual sanctuary. That's about as sexy as the grocery store. (Although, the grocery store does have cucumbers...)

While well-lit areas are vital for doing everyday things—like sorting out the laundry— it's the antithesis of feeling sexy for most people. Not only does it cast harsh, noticeable shadows, but it simultaneously exposes every crevice in the bedroom—which can make it harder to focus on just the erotic things on the bed. Instead, you get the treat of seeing the garbage can in the corner.

Luckily, "fixing" this has gotten much easier over the last decade. Instead of needing the electric know-how to install a dimmer switch, you can set up some sweet, sweet mood lighting with nothing but a lamp—and an app-controlled dimmer lightbulb. If your home uses smart home features, you can tell your home assistant to dim your lightbulb for you. Otherwise, many of these lightbulbs use an app to control the dimming functionality.

READ: App-Controlled Sex Toys: A Fun, Modern Twist on Sex Play.

Not into smart home technology? You can set up mood lighting the old-fashioned way: being strategic with your lightbulbs, lamp shades, and lightbulb intensity to perfectly place the lights where you want them.

Higher lightbulb powers will cast more light; and you can play with lamp height and lampshade thickness to change where light ends up, too. Just make sure to pick lightbulbs that work best for your eroticism (those eco-friendly LEDs can be really rough on the brain!)

For bonus points, adjust your lighting specifically to your (and your partner's, if you have one!) needs. Would lighting on just the bed make it easier to ignore some of the less savory parts of the bedroom? Work towards that. Do multicolor lights make you feel like you're in a sultry sex club—and that gets you going? Look into bulbs that can cast blue, red and green colors.

Make your bedroom work for you. Ain't no rules on lightbulbs.

(Pro tip: Dimmer lights can help you get in the mood and help you wind down for the night—and get better sleep. They're a win-win!)

Get a Lock on the Door

For. Real.

If you live with other people—including if those people are related to you and two feet tall, you need a lock on your bedroom door. It's healthy to set boundaries for those living with you; but it's even more important to know you're assured privacy when you (and your partner, if you have one) want some sexual time.

READ: Giving and Obtaining Consent: How to Give Your Kids the Lessons You Probably Never Got.

There's nothing less arousing than constantly worrying about someone catching you—especially if that isn't your kink.

If the offending parties are old enough to understand basic instructions, it's time to talk about what it means if the door is shut—and how we should respect people's privacy when their doors are shut by knocking first.

Ensure You Have the Sex Props You Need

Just like your workout area is defined by its addition of weight-lifting equipment, fans and/or a yoga mat, your "sex area" can be defined by all the sexual "equipment" in it.

Depending on your available space and necessary discretion, this can be as simple as hiding a sex-positioning shape underneath the bed—or purchasing something larger like a Liberator Esse Chaise, which functions as a permanently accessible bondage station.

In any case, the sex props you choose should depend on what you want to achieve with your sex furniture: Do you need some basic hip elevation or a full piece of furniture to let your creativity shine?

The Liberator Black Label Esse Chaise. A piece of sex furniture with a black base, that features metal loops for attaching bondage equipment, and a foamy burgundy top. The top of the furniture is composed of two rounded sides, of inconsistent heights, and a large divot in the middle.Your sex props don't have to be large, either. For example, you might consider an over the door sex swing—or a sex sling that can be worn around the ankles to help support the legs. Both of those can be packed into a small box and discreetly hidden under the bed. But hey—if sex machines are calling out to you, those are fantastic additions to the bedroom too.

READ: How to Use Sex Toy Accessories for Next Level Play.

It's all about choosing items that make your bedroom feel like your sex sanctuary. Choose toys that make sex more pleasurable, more accessible and more exciting to jump into.

Keep Your Sex Items Accessible

Not only do you need to have sexual tools in the bedroom; you need to keep them accessible. If your favorite dildo is stored under six boxes, you're just going to put it off when you think about using it. (Nobody wants to deal with reorganizing the entire bedroom just to grab a dildo.)

This might mean reorganizing (and potentially purchasing furniture like end tables!) just for access of your sex toys—and that's OK! Nobody is asking you to keep your lubes, cuffs, sex toys and sex furniture sitting out in the open—but if you want the atmosphere to turn you on as soon as you see your bedroom, make sure your brain knows this is the area where all of the sexy, orgasm-producing things happen.

And don't forget: Even something as simple as a zippered toy pouch or a single shoebox under the bed can function perfectly to hold your sex toys. They just need to be easily accessible—wherever "accessible" happens to be for you.

READ: How to Store Your Sex Toys.

Get Bedding That Makes You Feel Sexy

Why did you choose the bedding you have? Was it because it matched a specific decor of the room—or because it was on clearance and you can't pass up a good bargain? Does your bedding make you feel sexy?

If yes, you nailed it. Pass go; collect $200.

If not, however, why not change it? There's nothing stopping you. If having cohesive bedroom decor is important to you, consider simply changing your sheets to a color or fabric that feels more erotic to you. This will allow you to keep the overall look of your bedroom with your comforter or blanket while adding more of a feel for you.

READ: 10 Foreplay Games to Add Some Heat to the Bedroom.

If the idea of redoing the entirety of your blankets and/or sheets sounds overwhelming, don't forget about sex blankets like the Liberator Throw. While not quite as effective as making the entire bed feel like a perfect place for sex, tossing the Throw over your less-than-sensual bedding can instantly turn your bed into something that feels great for sex.

Remember: Touch and sensation are a big part of our senses. Feeling your naked, sensitive skin lounging against soft, plushy, erotic surfaces feels so much better than lying naked against scratchy cotton sheets.

Curate a House of Mirrors

Does the idea of watching yourself have sex turn you on?

If so, strategically position mirrors around the bed you can use to watch yourself. Since viewing your #OOTD and makeup in the bedroom is commonplace, no one will think twice about these new additions. (Unless you hang your mirrors on the ceiling above the bed, that is. But, hey, we won't judge!)

READ: The 6 Things in Hotel Rooms That Make Sex HOT.

If you don't have the space to easily install a mirror, think about getting a cheap over-the-door mirror meant for college dorms. These are super slender and usually less than $20. You can pull it out of the closet to lean against the wall when you want an audience (of yourselves) and slide it back into the closet when you don't need it. (As a bonus, it really is helpful for seeing clothing choices.)

If the idea of seeing yourself in a mirror mid-sex sounds like the biggest turn-off you can imagine, consider re-orgnanizing your bedroom to move any mirrors away from the bed. Lectures about self-confidence notwithstanding, being afraid to be in certain positions or afraid to look at a specific area in the bedroom because you might see your reflection is not helping your brain stay in sexy-space.

Add Easy Bondage—If That's Your Jam

Do you have an interest in bondage? If so, consider an Under the Bed bondage system.

While the term "bondage system" almost implies something complicated, a standard under-the-bed bondage system is actually one of the easiest ways to explore bondage—and it's perfectly designed for the bed.

See, the Under the Bed Restraint System features a webbing of straps that lay underneath the mattress. Once the mattress is placed on top of these straps, the straps stay in place—but their tips poke out. These tips, adorned with a bondage cuff on the end, provide restraint for the person laying on the bed - while the person's weight on the bed ensures the webbing of straps underneath the bedding stays in place.

Spread Eagle Bondage Sex Position: A person lies back-down on a mattress with their arms and legs restrained by cuffs attached to each of the mattress' four corners.

Under-the-Bed Restraint Systems tend to have four or six bondage points—which makes them perfect for a classic Spread Eagle bondage position or more creative sex positions that use even more bondage points!

READ: 8 Awesome Sex Positions That Are Waaaay Better With Bondage Tape.

Either way, this webbing of straps can stay underneath the bed 24/7. Just tuck the cuffs back under the mattress when you're done and no one will be any the wiser.

This means your bondage options are constantly within reach—and you're always aware that they're within reach. It's like an erotic secret that no one else knows about!

Bonus tip: An under-the-bed bondage system can also be a great choice if you're exploring bondage solo. You can easily restrain your ankles (or wrists) to the bed. Since most systems provide strap adjustability, you can easily lengthen (or shorten) the straps to the point where they're binding but still comfortable to take off of yourself.

Keep Kink Items Accessible

What is your kink—and is it something you do often in the privacy of your bedroom?

If that's the case, plan for it when turning your bedroom into a sanctuary for sex. Treat your kink equipment just like your sex toy and sex furniture equipment: it should be easily accessible when laying on your favorite bedroom spaces.

If you have a tickling kink, your tickling gear should be somewhere easily accessible in the bedroom. Into pet play? Make sure your favorite ears and tail are easily accessible from your sleeping space. Love spanking? Get your impact toys into the perfect spot. If you enjoy a lot of wet and messy play, this is probably where you'd want to keep your Liberator Throw to easily clean up your erotic messes.

Plan for After-Sex Clean-Up

Hopefully, with all of these tips—and as you continue to redecorate your bedroom—you'll start having more and more sex in that bedroom.

This also means more after-sex clean-up, however. Don't forget to take that into account when you're redecorating!

This might mean installing a small trash can next to your bed for used condoms, dental dams or other safer sex gear. It could mean mean keeping wet wipes or sex toy cleaning sprays in the bedside table next to your lubes. Maybe you set some washcloths next to your bed to easily wipe up messes (or hands) after sex, or store a Liberator Throw next to your bed to reduce any wet spots.

Unexpectedly, after-sex clean-up also means ensuring you have a nice space for hand-wash-only items. If you plan on wearing more delicate lingerie in the bedroom, having a place for it after use can make it easier to take care of the laundry afterwards—and make it less of hassle to wear it again in the future.

Planning for after-sex clean-up can reduce some of the mental barriers you might have about "results" of sex—which can make you more likely to want to have sex. It's all an amazing, cyclical system!

Conclusion

Whether you realize it or not, the state and set-up of your bedroom can affect how aroused—or not aroused—you feel when you're in it.

But by incorporating these simple tricks, you can transform your sleeping space into a certified sexual sanctuary. And your libido will thank you for it.

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Photo for Mistress Kay
Mistress Kay

Mistress Kay has a fondness for all things sexual. With a house that's quickly running out of room for all of her reading and vibrating pleasures, she spends her free time reading, writing, and learning about the sexual universe with her partners. She can be reached at Kinky World.


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