Exploring Sexual Interests - Made Easy!

Talking about sex isn't easy for most people. It becomes harder when you're trying to express consent or non-consent, which is something that has only been emphasized more recently, and only in some communities. When it comes to talking about, and consenting to, different sexual acts, things get even more complicated and difficult for most people. This is true even when they discuss it with people they really care for and have an easy time communicating with.

So how do we "spice up" our sex lives? Is there an easy way to do this?

The short answer: yes. However, there are a lot of different ways to accomplish this. Each method will suit a different situation best and have different benefits and drawbacks. Let's take a look at some of the easy things you can do to help you explore your sexual interests in a way that's safe, respectful and fun.

Use a BDSM Checklist

This method has been around the longest. There are various versions of it floating around BDSM and other kink communities. These checklists are great because it's often hard to even consider all of these different options when sitting down and talking to someone. Using a checklist, each person involved can "score" their interest in certain activities or express whether it's a soft or hard limit. They can express whether or not they have tried it. You can let people know if an item is physically impossible for you. Here's a site where you can build your checklist and share it with whoever you want.

A good pointer for using checklists is to discuss them in a public place regardless of whether or not this is someone you've met before (even if you've been talking to them online forever). Discussing your list in a public place keeps you from becoming distracted from the task at hand.

The Human Sex Map

This is a fun and more visual interpretation of a BDSM checklist. In this version, there is a map with different interests and actions laid out. To express your interests, you simply lay down a colored pin that indicates if it's something you've tried and liked, tried and didn't like, are interested in trying, or which is strictly for fantasy.

This method isn't nearly as specific as other choices. You can't express the degrees of interest, or whether you're willing to try something if a partner is interested in it, and you can't express if something is a hard limit or not. The visual aspect is fun. It can definitely spark conversation. I do take issue with some of the wording used on the map, especially under gender and orientation identity because it is incredibly outdated and offensive. Unfortunately, these terms and ideas are still promoted in some kink communities. You can check it out here.

Fetlife Fetish Lists

Fetlife takes it in a different route by making the list part of a social media platform. You can broadcast your interests to potential partners. The other methods listed here are easier for communicating with existing partners or people you're considering as partners.

This platform is also relatively simplistic; you can label something as "into" or "curious about" and then further categorize them, if applicable, under "giving," "receiving," "watching," "wearing," "watching others wear," and "everything to do with it." This usually will cover most things, but can be confusing or limiting for some actions or interests. In these situations, it's usually just best to not give it a second category.