Mind body

8 New Year’s Resolutions for the Best Sex Ever

Published: DECEMBER 15, 2022
This new year, Kinkly and Spencer's encourage you to dedicate time and energy to having better sex -- because you deserve it.

A new string of four digits you'll write daily is about to begin. That's right: It's about to be a new year!

There's something extra-refreshing about that swap in four digits. It brings about the feeling of newness -- like a blank slate, ready for you to draw your plans all over it. Instead of focusing on "diet and exercise" like everyone else this year, why not add some New Year's resolutions to improve your sex life instead?


READ: Diet Culture Equals Bad Sex.

Just like everything else in your life, changing your daily habits and routines can have lasting effects on your sex life!

And that's exactly what Kinkly and Spencer's are here to do. Here are eight suggestions for New Year's resolutions that will amp up your sex life:

1. Start Slowly

New Year's Day has that "I'll nail everything!" energy that no other day of the year can possibly match. But sticking to five new goals is never as easy as it feels the first day.

With that in mind, promise yourself you'll start slowly. Add in one resolution, give yourself a couple of weeks to experiment with how to best fit it into your routine, and then consider adding another one. Giving yourself time to add each new habit to your routine leads to a better outcome -- instead of trying to figure out how to add six new things to your everyday life all at once.

You have the rest of your life to make these changes; there's no rush!

Pick the most enjoyable resolution to start with and start there. For example, if you and your partner(s) already enjoy engaging in anal play with your hands and mouths, you might up the ante by experimenting with pegging. Strap-on dildo sets that come with harnesses included -- like the Hott Love Extreme Six-Inch Double Time Hollow Strap On Set from Spencer's -- can make stepping into the fantasy easy and accessible.


Hott Love Extreme Six-Inch Double Time Hollow Strap On Set from Spencer's.Hott Love Extreme Six-Inch Double Time Hollow Strap On Set. Available exclusively at Spencer's.

In short: Early success can empower and energize you for the later; harder resolutions you want to accomplish.

2. Masturbate More Often

Especially if you're in a relationship, your masturbation time may have fallen off a cliff. Add that to the daily stresses of everyday life, and the "non-essential" task of masturbation -- which requires privacy and clean-up time -- can start to become a rare indulgence.

And that's usually not great for most people! Not only does masturbation help you stay in touch with what you enjoy, but it also is great sex drive maintenance. While too much masturbation can begin to satiate your sex drive and make it temporarily become a low-priority, not enough priming to your arousal system can make it fall to the background of life -- and make it something you rarely think about!


READ: 25 Hot and Healthy Benefits of Masturbation.

If you're not comfortable with masturbation, consider adding some solo time where you simply exist with your body -- maybe even touching it and exploring non-genital touch that still feels amazing on your skin.

On the other hand, if you're a self-love aficionado, you might consider amping up your masturbation sessions with new sensations.

3. Try Something New Monthly

Partnered? Solo? Doesn't matter. Make it a priority to try something new, sexually, monthly. Think about it: That's only 12 new things over the course of the next year. That's doable, right?

Novelty acts as a natural drug for the brain -- and it can really, really supercharge your arousal too! Plus, as you try new things, you'll probably discover new things you enjoy -- and nobody is mad about having more things that feel awesome!

Here are some suggestions:


Hott Love Extreme Crown Jewel Vibrating Cock Ring. Available exclusively at Spencer's.Hott Love Extreme Crown Jewel Vibrating Cock Ring. Available exclusively at Spencer's.

4. Move and Nourish Your Body

Turns out, a lot of things about sex require your body to participate, too. It can be harder for your body (and mind!) to participate if you haven't been treating them well.

I'm not here to tell you to jump into toxic diet culture or bust your ankle going zero to 100 in the gym -- but I am telling you that a New Year's Resolution to eat more nourishing foods and find movement you enjoy can be life-changing -- both in and out of the bedroom.

READ: 6 Ways to Feel Better about Your Body in Bed.

Your body and brain require nutrients to function their best. I'm not telling you to give up the delicious foods you already enjoy -- but see where you can fit in vitamin-packed foods every day as a slow, easy start.

And getting an expensive gym membership and expecting yourself to go everyday is a huge change from your usual routine! Do you even like the gym? Instead, find a type of movement you enjoy. Tennis? Dancing to your favorite musician's album? Marching in place at home while you watch a TV show? Pole dance? Bodyweight calisthenics? Walks through your favorite park - or even the mall? Weightlifting? Kickboxing?

There's probably movement out there you'll fall in love with -- and that's what I'm asking you to make steps towards finding. Because nourishing your body physically lets it nourish you back during passionate sex.


5. Explore New Positions

Sex positions aren't just for coupled people; they're for solo sex too! In the world of "easy changes," simply swapping up how your body is positioned is a simple, easy way make your usual, everyday pleasure feel supercharged. Even if you're masturbating, swapping up where you're sitting or how you're enjoying yourself can be a blast.

READ: How to Make Trying New Sex Positions Your Next Big Sex Adventure.

So, set a goal to try one new position each month over the next year. That's only 12 different positions -- and that sounds totally doable!

For the best chances of making this happen, I recommend looking at Kinkly's Sex Position database to find a few sex positions that satiate your appetite -- then save or print them out. Next time you think you have the energy to try a new position, simply open your phone or flip through pages to see what appeals to you that day!

Trying new positions can also make it easier to incorporate sex toys into your playtime. Usually masturbate on your back? Sit on your knees, and suddenly you can experiment with a bit of solo anal play with help from a handy-dandy butt plug, like this Hott Love Extreme Five-Inch Vibrating Butt Plug from Spencer's.


Hott Love Extreme Five-Inch Vibrating Butt Plug from Spencer's.Free Play Vibrating Butt Plug 5 Inch - Hott Love Extreme. Available exclusively at Spencer's. (And if you really need a reason to try this one, think about how useful it would be to be accustomed to receiving pleasure in new positions. It'll certainly make it easier to enjoy yourself in odd positions in the future!)

6. Wear Sexy Clothes for No Reason

Most of us wait to pull out our "sexy" clothes until there's a reason. It might be date night or just a 10-minute excursion to take a sexy selfie for someone you're chatting with.

But why let all of that energy go to waste? It's hard to feel like a sexual being when you're running around in five-year-old underwear. Even the elastic has abandoned that underwear -- much less your sex drive!

Instead, wear your sexy clothes for no reason. Dance around the house in them. Wear them to work. Get some groceries. Lay on the couch like a potato while you watch TV. Sext in them. Whatever you want!

And if you have the budget for it, consider buying a few pieces that make you feel confident but don't necessarily break the bank. This can help you feel more comfortable wearing things daily without the fear of destroying them.

Remember: This is all about whatever clothing makes you feel sexy and confident. Is that lingerie? Cool, do that. Do you feel like hot shit wearing your khakis and polo? Have at it -- wear it to the grocery store. There are no hard and fast rules on "feeling confident." Whatever brings it out for you is what we're going for.

You don't have to toss out that ratty old underwear, but give your brain a change sometimes to revitalize some of your self-esteem -- and some of that erotic energy!

7. Keep the Bedroom Clutter-Free

Yep, I get it. Physical reminders of your to-do list manifest themselves everywhere in the house. But if your end goal is sexual energy, the shopping list on the kitchen counter isn't affecting you as strongly as the unfolded laundry sitting in the corner of the bedroom.

While you may not be able to magically wish away all of the clutter in your home, instead, make a resolution to keep the clutter out of the bedroom. Don't even bring it in there. Allow the clutter and mess to pile up in spots outside of the bedroom -- so when you head to bed, your cuffs and restraints are the only thing in sight.

Pleasure Bound Lace Bed Restraint System. Available exclusively at Spencer's.Pleasure Bound Lace Bed Restraint System. Available exclusively at Spencer's.Depending on how your home is set up, this might mean making a promise to yourself to fold and put away the laundry as soon as it's dry -- or to never go to bed with your day's make-up still laying on the vanity. It might include putting your gym clothes and shoes in the living room for your morning jog or storing your lifting equipment in a different room.

READ: Decorating Tips to Make Your Bedroom a Sanctuary for Sex.

Whatever it entails for you, keep the bedroom a stress-free place for sex -- and a place that doesn't instantly call to mind all of the things you "should" be doing instead of enjoying yourself. That's no fun for anyone!

8. Be Gentler to Yourself

Generic, yes. But useful? Also yes. Progress isn't linear. Success isn't linear. It's very likely that you're going to have days where you ignore all of your "good habits" -- and settle into the delicious sensations of the bad ones.

And that's OK! If you want your changes to last more than a month, you need to understand that "all or nothing" is not likely to work for most things. Taking an entire Dry January can be an amazing fresh start, but it takes a lot more willpower to never touch another drop of alcohol than to mentally agree to only drink at social events. Planning to avoid sweets for the rest of the year sounds like a workable gameplan, but when you're faced with the dessert menu at your once-a-year, favorite restaurant, that plan is going to seem near-impossible.

The point is: even the best-laid plans will not go to plan -- and giving yourself space and understanding when that happens is vital to making sure your choices stick. You aren't "giving up on your goals"; you're simply taking a break sometimes to enjoy the unexpected and amazing things about life. But then you hop back into your routine as soon as you comfortably can -- because it can be easy to let your habits slide by the wayside if you don't stick to them.

Like all things in life, we're going for that sweet spot of moderation -- because that's where most of us will find the best success.


Many people are starting to think about ways to improve their lives as we change our calendars to a new four digits. This new year, we encourage you to dedicate time and energy to having better sex -- because you deserve to feel good.

Mistress Kay

Mistress Kay has a fondness for all things sexual. With a house that's quickly running out of room for all of her reading and vibrating pleasures, she spends her free time reading, writing, and learning about the sexual universe with her partners. She can be reached at Kinky World.

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