Create a "Sex Lab"
I first heard the term "sex lab" from the famously curious Sex Nerd Sandra who described it as a designated time and place to experiment with new sex techniques, with no pressure to achieve a particular outcome (lab coats optional). Often when people want to try something new, they just lunge into it without the preparation and observation that can be necessary for navigating different bodies, desires and moods. Moreover, they want to do it "right!" But by thinking of the interaction as a "sex lab," you can take the pressure off performing and just experiment with what works and what doesn’t. If it’s not happening for you, that’s OK. Failure is a natural part of experimentation - and key part of learning!
Get Curious Together
Shared adventure is a sexy thing, so it's important to find things you can be curious about together outside the bedroom. While an established routine can feel safe and secure, many couples notice that putting a little variety into that routine can zest up your sex life too. It doesn’t have to be vacation sex (although that’s a good one too). Simply exploring a new restaurant or going on a hike that interests you and your partner can ignite curiosity through variety.
By focusing attentively and observing our interactions, we can more easily find the nuances that really pique our attention. We can also establish greater connection with our partners in the process. Most of us know that "being present" can make us happier, that being more observant can help foster that presence. Well, guess what? These things foster curiosity and connection too.
I think that being curious is one of the sexiest traits a person can have, and it's a worthwhile quality to invest in when it comes to your sex life. After all, being interested is what makes you interesting. And being heard? That's one of the hottest things ever.