I was so excited to find myself in the top 5 Sex Superblogging Heroes for 2014. I was even more thrilled when Kinkly decided to award $100 to each of the five runner-ups to match the contest sponsor’s, Lelo, $500 award to the top Sex Blogger.

I started thinking about how I might spend that $100. I could pay bills, repair that scratch on the car fender, or I could invest that money in my work—me.

I write for the mainstream, midlife adult. So, my nomination is an acknowledgement by those who read my articles and voted for me. My readers are mostly middle-aged women (and a smattering of men) who want to know more about sexual health; women who want to embrace their sexuality and maybe need a nudge; and women who need to know that others have the same joys and challenges. One of the things I regularly talk about is the importance of taking the time to celebrate our bodies. So, I’m using the money to follow my own advice!

I’m going to invest the $100 in my sexuality. Just as sex has no expiration date, neither should our commitment to our needs and honoring ourselves. We can do this in several ways.

Appreciation of the Body

  • A massage, pedicure, and manicure—Take pleasure in how the body looks will help us feel well cared for and that’s sexy.
  • Join a gym—I did this because working out gets the blood flowing to our muscles, the brain, and our sexual organs. It’s a feel-good high that makes me feel energized and sexier because I’m making myself a priority.
  • Schedule a boudoir photography session—They’re designed to make you feel sexy and beautiful. It can be a fabulous gift for yourself or a loved one

Investing in Your Sex Life

  • Schedule a session with a bodyworker, a sex coach, or therapist if you experience challenges related to your sexuality or just want to expand your capacity for pleasure. That could be the extra boost to help you get clear on what you want, how to express it, or how to release negative thoughts that hold you back from feeling pleasure.
  • Accessorize! What items might make you feel sexier? Do you want to indulge in sexy panties or a lacy bra? Need some satin sheets or new lotions? Lusting after a new sex toy? Name one thing that you’ve fantasized about and that you want to try. For me, those items are a new garter belt and a pair of nice black heels that would serve for intimate occasions as well as going out on the town.
  • If you have a partner, start a conversation about what you want—or what the two of you might enjoy. This could be fun. You’ll be communicating your commitment to your mutual pleasure and inviting your partner’s participation in your sexuality.

Couple's Activities

  • Couple's massage—A couple's massage is sexy and relaxing all at the same time.
  • Go shopping together—Invite your partner to give their input on your purchases.
  • Plan a sexy date night.
  • Couple's therapy may be a good investment if you’re having some issues.
A note about couples’ activities: remember that this is an exercise for you to invest in your sexuality. It is perfectly okay to be a bit selfish. My experience as a midlife woman, mother, and former wife was that I did many things because of expectations or out of a sense of 'duty’ (old-school, I know). That often meant putting my needs behind those of others. If we’re going to work on our sexual selves, we must hold ourselves as worthy of this attention. When we value our own bodies and our sexual preferences, our communications about what we do and don’t want will create a more empowering sense of self. Now, that is sexy.


What would you do with $100 to invest in your sexy self?