Although it is now now quite common to use a vibrator during sex, it still isn't the easiest subject to bring up with your significant other - unless of course you’re used to bringing toys into the bedroom. In fact, not long ago, even the process of buying a vibrator used to be more difficult, as it meant that women would have to navigate a male-oriented sex shop. Today things are a little different. Not only do many women host sex toy parties in the comfort of their own homes, but there are also many more sex-positive shops around, that cater to both men and women.

Still, using your favourite vibrator in the comfort of your own bedroom is fine and good, but suggesting a vibrator as a supplement to intercourse with your partner is a different story, and can prove to be a little tricky. It’s not uncommon for some men to feel uncomfortable with the prospect of a third (vibrating) wheel.

A Sensitive Topic

I thought I had hit the jackpot when I started dating a musician who could play five different instruments. Alas, our lovemaking lacked the one ingredient that I assumed he'd have in spades - rhythm. Perhaps he had channeled it all into his music, but the boy just could not pump and grind between the sheets. I secretly thanked god for my trusty vibrator, but to my surprise, he would have none of that. Instead, my date 'instructed’ me to grind into him, in order to orgasm through penetration alone (he didn’t like me to touch myself either). HAH! Well, that was the end of that.

Even so, It's often a sensitive topic. Some men are threatened by any kind of competition and may see your request for a vibrator as a signal that their performance in the sack isn't cutting it. That said, most men just want their lady to have a good time. These are the ones that will be open to the idea, if you bring it up.

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Communication is Key

It's obviously not a good idea to just whip out a vibrator and surprise your partner during sexy times. Imagine if he did that to you. Talk to him about it beforehand. He might be resistant to the idea at first because he may feel that he’ll be replaced by your vibrator, but he'll likely come around once you reassure him that this isn't the case.

If you and your man have the kind of relationship where you can bring anything up, then tell him why you want to try using a vibrator with him. Maybe it’s because you want a new experience, maybe you want to spice things up, or maybe you just want a little extra help reaching orgasm. Reassure him that this isn’t a reflection on him - many women find it hard to orgasm through penetration alone. Plus, he's bound to like the idea of climaxing together, and a vibrator can help you achieve this more easily.

Shopping Around

Chances are you already have your favourite toy, but in order to make him feel more involved, you and your partner can make a date to shop for a new vibrator together. Of course it's most important that you choose one that does the trick and gets you off, but shopping for the toy together will allow your partner to voice some input as well. You could start with a small vibrator - something not too intrusive - and see how that goes before trying something larger. (Need a few shopping tips? Check out our 10 Steps to Choosing a Vibrator).

The Benefits

It may be a tough topic to bring up, but adding a vibrator to your regular routine between the sheets can really spice things up and bring you and your partner closer. There are many pros to using a vibrator during sex. First of all, it takes the pressure off of him to please you and allows him to indulge in his own pleasure while also witnessing your growing excitement. Vibrators can simply move more quickly and constantly than a human tongue and also don't result in painful hand cramps.

There are certian sex positions that allow the female participant to touch herself more easily than others - another benefit of using a vibrator with your partner is that it can provide you with clitoral stimulation no matter what position you're in. Try out different positions and switch off between operating the vibrator yourself and having your partner control it, to see what suits you best. (Check out our extensive list of sex positions for ideas).

Your partner might even really get into the whole vibrator thing. A great way to start experimenting together (and a good method of foreplay) might be to have him watch you pleasure yourself with the vibrator, as many guys tend to get off from seeing their women get off.

It may not be for everyone, but once you try using a vibrator during sex, you'll quickly learn whether it's the right thing for you. And if it doesn't change your sex life for the better, at least you've had the experience and are that much more knowledgeable about your preferences and your body.