Women who use toys during sex with a partner report a much higher rate of orgasm, and yet many people are intimidated by adding toys to their partner play. Don’t think of a toy as a replacement for your partner or as something that makes up for a person falling short. They are simply a tool. Why not use all the tools at your disposal to have an amazing time?
When it comes to adding toys to sex, you have lots of options. Try going shopping together.Even a shopping trip is a shared experience and novel adventure. When you chose something together, it becomes more about your shared pleasure.
6. New Positions
Another way to break out of routine is to change up your usual sex positions. We all have our favorites, and it’s tempting to go straight to what works— or what works well enough. Without a little experimenting now and then, how will you know if you’re missing out on something even better?
Even if the position doesn’t work, the shared experience of trying it out will help build connection and intimacy.
Here are some ideas to get you started.
7. Whatever You’re Doing, Do It Slower
"Slow down" is some of the most common advice you’ll hear from sex educators, and there’s a good reason for it. Most people rush to the end goal of orgasm during sex, and they miss lots of the yummy parts along the way.
When you slow down, you have a chance to reach higher levels of arousal; that ultimately leads to more pleasure. You also have the opportunity to savor each sensation along the way and get to know your partner’s body better.
8. Boost Your Confidence
Whether it’s wearing something that makes you feel sexy or learning a new skill, feeling confidant in the bedroom makes a world of difference both for your enjoyment and for that of your partner.
Read a sex ed book that will help you add to your repertoire or find a class in your area to attend— solo or with your partner. The class itself can make for a great date night!
9. Get out of Your Head and Focus on Sensation
Practice stopping any chatter in your head that isn’t contributing to an optimal sexual experience. To do this, you first need to notice the distracting thoughts as they’re happening. As an exercise, notice every time you think an unkind thought about your body or have concerns about your performance, and silence that thought right away. Once you get in the habit, the thoughts won’t come as often. Eventually, they stop all together.
Meanwhile, focus on the sensations that are happening to your body in real time and try to appreciate how every little thing feels. Whether it’s the soft sheets against your back, the scent of a nearby candle, or the touch of your partners hands, revel in the sensuality of the moment.
10. Make Time for Intimacy a Priority
Even if you have to schedule sex, do it. Some people resist scheduling because it doesn’t sound sexy, but it’s a lot sexier than not having sex at all. No one thinks planning a date night isn’t sexy, and this shouldn’t be any different. It’s making your partner and your shared pleasure a priority. What’s sexier than that?