Storage is complete, and now comes the hard part: we sit, and we wait.
This is done to see if anything changes. Will the formula stay together? Does the flavor last? Will the PH drift? If the product's looking good after a month, that’s when I’ll start showing it to people in marketing, sales and product development.
10:30 A.M. Hungry. Like clockwork, I’m starting to think about lunch. Yet, much like thinking about sex, thinking about food has its own special brand of practicality when you’re a sex toy chemist! I take advantage of my grumbling stomach by jotting down some exotic flavor ideas. My first idea: a white chocolate raspberry truffle-flavored glide.
11:00 A.M. Once I’ve come up with enough ideas to get the white chocolate raspberry truffle glide started, I hand over some notes to my lab technician, Rolando.
11:15 A.M. Rolando gathers ingredients from our stock and makes a water-based glide foundation. When the base is done, he works on getting the color right. Rolando is an artist in his spare time - a painter - so he’s brilliant with color and texture.
11:30 A.M. Lunch time!
12:30 P.M. Back at the lab, Rolando has finished creating a base for the white chocolate raspberry truffle glide, so now we work on flavoring. After coming up with three tasty versions that we like, it’s time to bottle them up, label them, and store them away. Storage follows the same process as before: incubator, fridge and cupboard. We’ll check on these formulas in a few months.
1:00 P.M. It’s time to revisit a formula that’s been in storage for a while. Last month, we made some experimental tweaks to our bestselling GoodHead gel. When updating a classic formula, we try to stay true to the way it looks, smells and feels - but when someone opens a bottle of the improved GoodHead, we want them to say, “This is the best batch of GoodHead I’ve ever used!”
1:30 P.M. In our first round of testing the new and improved GoodHead gel, we will (and there’s really no proper way of saying this) literally give some dildos hand jobs, and time it to see how long the lubrication lasts. Then, we wash, rinse and repeat with the original, pre-upgraded GoodHead gel formula, to see how it compares.
2:00 P.M. For the second round of testing, we apply the updated GoodHead gel formula to a (clean) dildo, and insert it into a masturbator. We then go on to manually penetrate the masturbator and record how long the lubrication lasts. It seems that our tweaks to the GoodHead gel formula were successful, as the new version lasts about 120 seconds longer than the previous version.
An important point to note: by the time we start testing out these formulas, they have already been vetted for safety. Everything made in the lab will always be in accordance with the latest medical/scientific safety standards. Also, nothing leaves the lab without me testing it on myself. If I won’t use it, why would anyone else?
3:00 P.M. It’s time to get things cleaned up before the rest of the lab team heads home. I survey the laboratory to make sure that everything has been meticulously labeled and recorded. We make sure all equipment is ready to go for tomorrow.
3:30 P.M. The rest of the lab team clocks out. I stay behind to work in silence for another half hour or so. I line up all of the day's records on my desk, and pore over everything we’ve accomplished in the past 24 hours.
4:00 P.M. More paperwork, then it’s quittin’ time.
5:00 P.M. Arrive home, grab a refreshing bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper, and browse Tumblr, which is a great resource for spotting upcoming sex trends!
9:00 P.M. I pet the cat (not a euphemism), and then hit the sheets. It’s time to wind down and get my beauty sleep. Tomorrow will be another busy day, full of sex, and chemistry!