Anal beginner

Don’t Have Anal Sex If …

Published: APRIL 20, 2018 | Updated: JANUARY 12, 2022
Anal sex can be healthy - and orgasmic - but only if you do it right.

Anal sex can be amazing - and orgasmic. As my friend and fellow sex educator Rachel Venning says, "Anal sex is like yoga for your butt!" And I agree. It's healthy for the anal muscles, bringing blood and circulation into the sphincter. But I'm also not afraid to address the obstacles to having great anal play. Here are four valid reasons why you might not want to do it.


You Are Dangerous

The No.1 household item people put in their butts? A Sharpie pen. I'm guessing they are attracted by the rounded tip? Unfortunately, using any item for anal penetration that does not have a flared base is a dangerous thing to do. So please stop putting objects not intended for anal play in your butt. Use fingers, a penis or a toy that is designed for that purpose (it will have a flared base designed to anchor it outside of your body). You know those x-rays you see of people with a cellphone or toy car stuck in their butts? Those are x-rays of real people. I don’t want to see your x-ray on the Internet. (For some background info on going through the back door, check out What You Need to Know About Anal Sex.)

You Lack Anatomical Knowledge

The basics of anal sex health and pleasure are really very easy to understand, but making mistakes is just as easy. Consequently, many people have had bad experiences with anal sex. Often they have had a partner who has tried to enter their ass without asking permission. That can be very painful. A body remembers that kind of pain.

Anal sex, when done properly, should not hurt. It might feel funny, like you are pooping backwards, but it should not hurt. You must use lube because unlike the vagina, your butt is not self-lubricating. In other words, anal sex is different, and it takes a little more knowledge and preparation. So study up, butt lovers. Start by reading "Anal Health and Pleasure." You’ll learn how to approach that tricky little ring of delightful muscles, the G-spot, the prostate and how to care for yourself and your lovers.


You Have Issues

Let’s talk about some of the real issues that can be an obstacle to enjoying anal sex. These issues might include irritable bowel syndrome, neuromuscular disorders, colitis, Crohn’s disease, inflammation, food allergies and eating disorders like bingeing and purging. Or you might be experiencing temporary issues like flu or food poisoning or simply not experiencing regular, healthy bowel movements. If you suffer from digestive disorders, often it’s best to just love your body and side-step anal sex. Instead, concentrate on all your other awesome orifices and enjoy them with hands, toys or anything else you can come up with.

Read: How to Do an Enema Before Anal Play

You Are Totally Intoxicated

The idea of being sober for sex play may be confusing for some people, but every time I hear about something going wrong with anal sex, there is inevitably alcohol and/or drugs involved. These substances affect a person’s nervous system and limit their ability to feel what is happening. As I said before, anal sex should never hurt. It may feel odd, especially for someone who has never experienced it before, but it should not hurt. Pain is a sign that something is wrong. I always say to people, "You know how a person can go out, get drunk, come home with a bruise or a skinned knee and not even know how it happened? Well, you don’t want to do that to your ass!" It’s funny to think about, but you get my point. You want to be able to feel what is happening during anal sex. Injuries are rare and totally avoidable if you are listening and responding to your body’s needs.


According to the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, 40 percent of adults have experienced anal sex. Of those, 20 percent have enjoyed it within the last year. Lots of people find joy, orgasms and pleasure by way of this equal opportunity orifice! And if you decide that you want to add anal play to your roster, that’s all I want for you too. Just do it safely. Please. Ultimately, it’s your butt on the line.

Want more great sex advice? Check out Ducky's book, "Sex With the Lights On: Illuminating Sex Questions Answered."

Ducky Doolittle

Ducky is a Certified Sex Educator and a Sexual Assault & Violence Intervention Counselor. She brings a warm, nonjudgmental, holistic (whole body) approach to sexual wellness. She is also the author of Sex with the Lights On: 200 Illuminating Sex Questions Answered. Ducky has been featured with Playboy, The New York Times, The History of Sex on the History Channel, NPR, HBO, MTV, Vice, ABC News, and MSNBC,...

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