“Get a very small toy and put it up your butt while you are masturbating. Just get a feel for it and see if you like it,” porn star Lance Hart tells me.
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Lance Hart
Relax
The key to anal sex is relax, relax, relax! “Clitoral stimulation with a vibrator can really help a girl to relax in the beginning, as well as increase the overall enjoyment,” says Brooklyn Chase.
![porn star Brooklyn Chase in bikini top]()
Brooklyn Chase
Include Other Stimulation
While doing your anal training, whether with sex toys or your fingers, Reyes suggests incorporating some clitoral stimulation or penis stimulation depending upon your hardware. “It helps you to relax and open up, as well as form a positive association with butt stuff,” says Reyes.
Go Slow - and Don't Forget the Lube!
It's important to communicate with your partner, start slowly and use copious amounts of lube. “Going slowly and easing things in, past the sphincter, can make or break the female enjoyment,” says Chase. “Once the sphincter is stretched open, anal is smooth sailing.”
For Chase, starting in a sex position like missionary or spoon makes it much easier to relax and gives her more control. “Before I knew any better, I assumed doggy was the only way to do it, but boy was I wrong,” says Chase. “Cowgirl, or girl-on-top, is also a great way to start out, as it gives the woman total control of the speed of insertion.”
Reyes also suggests using plenty of lube around the anus and whatever you are inserting. “If you want internal lubrication, you can even use a 'personal lubricant launcher' to get some inside.”
Plan for Some Mess
If your anus isn’t perfectly pristine and clean, don't panic. There’s a big difference between practicing good hygiene and having some leakage. “Even on professional porn sets, we know there will sometimes be a little mess associated with anal,” says Reyes. “Just keep some wipes by the bed, next to your lube, and you can tidy up quickly without having to get embarrassed or grossed out.” Or, you can extend sexytime and hop into the shower with your partner for cleanup.
You're Not a Porn Star
There's plenty of hot anal in porn, but Hart doesn’t think anal sex enthusiasts should compare themselves to the porn they watch. “Keep in mind, when we make porn, we need to show actual penetration, which means we have to open up for the camera and get fucked with big things. This doesn’t always feel great,” he says.
“In porn, prep for an anal scene includes a lengthy and unpleasant routine of enemas, very little food, and anti-diarrhea medicines,” shares Chase. “In real life, this is totally unnecessary, so don't be afraid to be spontaneous. Have fun and don't sweat those details – the key is to relax, communicate, start slow and use lube!”
The Bottom Line on Butt Love
If you’re curious about anal play, we hope these pro tips will inspire you to explore this oft-overlooked and stigmatized place of stimulation. The rectum and anus are filled with so many rich nerve endings waiting to be fingered, fucked, plugged, pegged and probed. Why deny yourself pleasure from an alternative pleasure source? If you identify as a cis male, the P-spot (or prostate spot, named for the walnut-sized gland located below the bladder in front of the rectum) is a hotspot for all the good feelings as well. If you’re weirded out about having stuff in your butt, you may want to reconsider and face your fears. (And if you’ve tried it and still don’t like it, that’s OK. You get a gold star for giving it a shot!)
Take it slow, use lots of lube and be sure to use a barrier method for protection, because many STIs can be spread via unprotected anal. And if something doesn’t feel quite right, stop immediately. Anal sex should never, ever hurt. There’s nothing worse than having a painful experience to make someone decide never to try butt sex again. Because when it’s done right, it can be glorious.
Want some kinky sex positions to make the most of your anal play? Check out our sex positions page!
