MASTURBATION AND SOLO SEX
The Ultimate List of Expert Masturbation Tips
Published: MAY 14, 2021
| Updated: MAY 6, 2022 10:11:05
While you don't need to be a pro to be the master of your own domain, so to speak, we figured it never hurts to ask for some advice. The Ultimate List of Expert Masturbation Tips is definitely going to rub you the right way!
Do you remember the first time you discovered you could touch yourself in a particular way on your “bathing suit area” and it felt very, very good? Maybe you were taught not to do that, or maybe you were lucky enough to be taught it was normal...but no matter what and how you learned about masturbation, chances are you could always make it better!
While “just the tip” isn’t a request we often have, this time we went to the experts for masturbation tips and tricks and compiled their collective feel-good wisdom here!
Try New Routines
“Get out of your normal masturbation routine, routines can get boring. Shift the goal of masturbation from trying to achieve orgasm as quickly as possible to giving yourself deliciously pleasurable and nourishing self care. Explore every inch of your body, even places you may never have considered sexual. Experiment with different types of touch from light to firm, tapping, pinching, use a variety of speeds. Treat your body like a playground and as though you're touching it for the first time.”
“My primary advice for the maximum enjoyment and health benefits from masturbation is to practice 'edging orgasms' whereby the practitioner cultivates sexual energy through stimulation of the genitals and erogenous zones up to, but not going past, the threshold of spasm and maintaining this euphoric state as long as desired. In this mode, within the body and mind, marvelous changes are occurring such as the stimulation of the major endocrine axis and nervous system, an excellent cardiovascular workout, a bolstering of the immune system, production of endorphins, renewing and enhancing self-love, all leading to a deeper, more conscious experience of life.”
~Dr. William Kolbe, Author of "The Rejuvenating Power of Masturbation"
Read: Touch Yourself: Kinkly's Self-Pleasure Survey
“Until I started working with Betty Dodson (Rest In Pleasure), I thought I'd experienced a wide variety of sexual positions. Dodson had a few new-to-me tricks, including the almighty Pillow Fuck. Here's how it works: Place a pillow on the floor (it doesn't work as well on a non-flat surface, like a bed). Spread your legs and straddle it, with the Magic Wand positioned below your clit. Now rock your pelvis, playing with contact and pressure until you find your happy place. Most often, I masturbate on my back with my legs spread wide open, but this on-top-and-in-control position is a solo sex game changer. It allows me to "run the fuck" (one of my favorite Bettyisms) and control the speed, depth, and angle of direct stimulation. For clitoral orgasms, it's a reliable technique.”
~Ryn Pfeuffer, Sex and Relationships writer
“If you are someone that is incredibly sensitive to touch and want to explore a vibrator try stimulation over your underwear. The fabric will help to buffer sensations and encourage more indirect contact, and make pleasure products accessible to experiment with.”
~Megwyn White, Director of Education Satisfyer
Talk About It!
“If you're married or in a serious relationship, don't keep your masturbation a secret or hide it from your partner. This just brings up feelings of shame and creates a separation between you and your partner. Instead, try sharing it with your partner. If you're not comfortable, you don't have to share all your fantasies. But talk about it together rather than keeping secrets. And, if possible, try masturbating together. See masturbation as just another part of your sexual expression and bring your partner in with you. It will bring you closer together and expand the range of your sex life.”
, Couples Therapist
Read: 4 Awesome Reasons to Try Mutual Masturbation
Set the Mood
“My number one piece of advice is to set the mood like you would when having sex. Masturbation doesn't have to be a rushed-up quickie. Set yourself up for success by staying relaxed and present. Whether it's a warm shower or putting on your favorite playlist, make the most of your me-time. You can also turn down the lights and shun off any distractions. Personally, I light my scented candles to induce a 'sexy' scent.”
~Rachel Sommer, Ph.D., clinical sexologist, and co-founder of My Sex Toy Guide
“Treat yourself like you would treat a date. Set the space, put music on (sexy RnB always does it for me), candles/dim lights, and incense if it is your thing. Be with yourself, don't focus on a goal or expectations, explore your body and focus on all the subtle sensations you experience. And do what works for you, don't judge yourself because you don't do it like your friends; if fingers work for you, then please do that, if you only appreciate self-pleasure with a vibrator, then do that.
In the end, it is just you and your body so listen to it and have a good time!
Eat, sleep, repeat ;)”
~Adeline Thulliez, certified sexologist, sexpert, and sexuality coach, Adi Yoni Magic
Play LELO Vibes Masturbation May Spotify playlists to get your solo sexy vibe going.“Creating the right atmosphere for sex, pleasure or, what is now commonly known as a ‘self-care moment’ demands a bit of panache. Different studies [show] how music prompts your brain to release dopamine, which also occurs during sexy time. So music and sex at the same time can maximize the chemical’s use. How wild is that?”
~Emilie Melloni-Quemar, Public Relations Manager, LELO
“The number one tip I give my clients who want to experience more pleasure during masturbation is: BREATHE. It’s simple but highly impactful. Mindful breathing leads to a more satisfying and orgasmic sex life. Being aware of how you are breathing, and where in your body you are breathing, allows you to choose how you breathe. You can then use the breath to play with your arousal levels - slowing down and ‘grounding’ to prevent premature ejaculation for example, or speeding up to energise and build orgasmic sensations. Most people are really unconscious of their breath during sex and masturbation: it’s often short and restricted or they’re clenching and holding their breath. Learning to be mindful, to pay attention to the breath and relax the body, leads to more oxygen and more sensation in the whole body - not just the genitals. With practice this can support you in experiencing more full-body orgasmic sensations, not just the 5 second ‘peak orgasm’ which is often associated with restricted or held breath.”
~Libby Sheppard, masseuse, an intimacy coach and pleasure educator, Touch of Happiness
“Start self-pleasure experiences by engaging with the body’s most important, and often neglected, sex organ: the brain. There are many ways to engage the brain; I recommend starting with erotica, and exploring the genre to see what suits your desires best, be it literature, audio stories or films. Starting with the mind can have a powerful effect on your intimate experiences, as erotic literature and audio erotica go beyond sexual stimulation by bridging the gap between wellness and sexuality. In fact, research has shown that listening to erotica can be one of the most successful practices women can utilize to achieve sexual satisfaction.That’s because these forms of erotica encourage our minds to be the first part of our being that feels stimulation, and allows our bodies to gently follow suit without pressure or time constraints.”
~Mia Sabat, Sex Therapist at Emjoy
"Especially for females, we need a little more mental stimulation time before we can be ready for the physical act of sex. I call it pre-sex and the most crucial part of getting into a more heightened state of arousal is giving yourself enough time for an intimate pre-sex moment that turns on your mind. Therefore, feeling that you don't feel any time constraints to get to your ultimate goal of climax is key. Work, life, and societal pressure are stressful enough. Self-pleasure is an intimate moment for you and only you can decide at that moment how hard, fast or slow you want to go to feel good. There are no rules for pleasure aside from allowing yourself enough time to enjoy the moment you have.”
~Femme Fatale, Arousr
“Masturbation is a fantastic way to learn about your body and figure out what feels good to you and what doesn't. It's also a great way to relieve stress, help improve quality of sleep, and relieve tension.
My tip for masturbation is to be completely present in the moment and not put pressure on yourself by making an orgasm 'the goal'. Being focused on having an orgasm, for example, can take away from the process of exploration, relaxation, and feeling pleasure. I suggest making pleasure the goal, orgasm or otherwise.”
~Jessica Gordon, M.S. in Clinical Mental Health/Social Work & Managing Partner at LUVOQA
Read: Life on the Edge: Erotic Edging and Why You Deserve It
“It’s extremely important for people to remember that it’s absolutely okay to go at their own pace while exploring self-pleasure. I think that it’s easy to get overwhelmed if you’re new to self-pleasure. Aside from the ever-growing variety of intimacy devices, lubricants, etc. on the market today (which some may find a bit intimidating), for many people, there can be a lot to unpack on a personal level when it comes to exploring masturbation. It’s often not as simple as choosing a vibrator and a bottle of lube.
For many, the path to thoroughly enjoying self-pleasure comes with the necessary process of deconstructing harmful beliefs and myths that have been internalized for quite some time and replacing those with good sex education from educators who are sex-positive and inclusive. But it’s important for those who are more reserved to know that just because other people are diving into the deep end of self-pleasure right off the bat doesn’t mean that they need to do the same. In fact, they shouldn’t. Otherwise, their self-pleasure journey might not end up being so pleasurable after all. You'll have plenty of opportunity to work up to trying new things!”
~Raven Faber - Founder/CEO EngErotics
“One masturbation tip I would share is to remember this is meant to be fun. It's easy to create pressure for ourselves around masturbation -- using the "right" toy, having an orgasm or a certain amount. Some cis women worry about not having multiple orgasms or spend a lot of time trying to have a squirting orgasm. While there are a lot of benefits to masturbation (relaxation, help sleeping, etc) and people masturbate for a lot of reasons beyond sexual pleasure, ultimately it's supposed to feel good. If masturbating to orgasm stresses you out, take a deep breath -- and maybe a temporary break from masturbation -- and then let go of expectations you have about it other than that it will feel good.”
~Kayla Lords, Sex Expert for Jack and Jill Adult
“Try it. Do it. Define your style :) I mean, explore your body, your pleasure. What makes you feel good, how you like it and what makes you orgasm. Dedicate time to it! No matter if you're single or in a relationship, if you use a vibrator or any other "tool" remember that knowing and owning your pleasure is very important for your general wellbeing, both physical and emotional. It also make sex better! Tired of listening to miracle recipes for glowing skin, better sleep quality and less stress formulas? Orgasms are great for all this and more. My advice? Find the time for your solo pleasure. Happy Masturbation (Month) YEAR!”
~Elsa Viegas, designer and co-founder of Bijoux Indiscrets,