Masturbation and solo sex

The Ultimate List of Expert Masturbation Tips

Published: MAY 14, 2021 | Updated: MAY 6, 2022
While you don't need to be a pro to be the master of your own domain, so to speak, we figured it never hurts to ask for some advice. The Ultimate List of Expert Masturbation Tips is definitely going to rub you the right way!

Do you remember the first time you discovered you could touch yourself in a particular way on your “bathing suit area” and it felt very, very good? Maybe you were taught not to do that, or maybe you were lucky enough to be taught it was normal...but no matter what and how you learned about masturbation, chances are you could always make it better!


While “just the tip” isn’t a request we often have, this time we went to the experts for masturbation tips and tricks and compiled their collective feel-good wisdom here!

Try New Routines

“Get out of your normal masturbation routine, routines can get boring. Shift the goal of masturbation from trying to achieve orgasm as quickly as possible to giving yourself deliciously pleasurable and nourishing self care. Explore every inch of your body, even places you may never have considered sexual. Experiment with different types of touch from light to firm, tapping, pinching, use a variety of speeds. Treat your body like a playground and as though you're touching it for the first time.” ~Renée Hilliard, Gynaecologist/M.D.


“My primary advice for the maximum enjoyment and health benefits from masturbation is to practice 'edging orgasms' whereby the practitioner cultivates sexual energy through stimulation of the genitals and erogenous zones up to, but not going past, the threshold of spasm and maintaining this euphoric state as long as desired. In this mode, within the body and mind, marvelous changes are occurring such as the stimulation of the major endocrine axis and nervous system, an excellent cardiovascular workout, a bolstering of the immune system, production of endorphins, renewing and enhancing self-love, all leading to a deeper, more conscious experience of life.”

~Dr. William Kolbe, Author of "The Rejuvenating Power of Masturbation"

Read: Touch Yourself: Kinkly's Self-Pleasure Survey

“Until I started working with Betty Dodson (Rest In Pleasure), I thought I'd experienced a wide variety of sexual positions. Dodson had a few new-to-me tricks, including the almighty Pillow Fuck. Here's how it works: Place a pillow on the floor (it doesn't work as well on a non-flat surface, like a bed). Spread your legs and straddle it, with the Magic Wand positioned below your clit. Now rock your pelvis, playing with contact and pressure until you find your happy place. Most often, I masturbate on my back with my legs spread wide open, but this on-top-and-in-control position is a solo sex game changer. It allows me to "run the fuck" (one of my favorite Bettyisms) and control the speed, depth, and angle of direct stimulation. For clitoral orgasms, it's a reliable technique.”


~Ryn Pfeuffer, Sex and Relationships writer

“If you are someone that is incredibly sensitive to touch and want to explore a vibrator try stimulation over your underwear. The fabric will help to buffer sensations and encourage more indirect contact, and make pleasure products accessible to experiment with.”~Megwyn White, Director of Education Satisfyer


Talk About It!

“If you're married or in a serious relationship, don't keep your masturbation a secret or hide it from your partner. This just brings up feelings of shame and creates a separation between you and your partner. Instead, try sharing it with your partner. If you're not comfortable, you don't have to share all your fantasies. But talk about it together rather than keeping secrets. And, if possible, try masturbating together. See masturbation as just another part of your sexual expression and bring your partner in with you. It will bring you closer together and expand the range of your sex life.”~Jacob Brown, Couples Therapist

Read: 4 Awesome Reasons to Try Mutual Masturbation


Set the Mood

“My number one piece of advice is to set the mood like you would when having sex. Masturbation doesn't have to be a rushed-up quickie. Set yourself up for success by staying relaxed and present. Whether it's a warm shower or putting on your favorite playlist, make the most of your me-time. You can also turn down the lights and shun off any distractions. Personally, I light my scented candles to induce a 'sexy' scent.”

~Rachel Sommer, Ph.D., clinical sexologist, and co-founder of My Sex Toy Guide

“Treat yourself like you would treat a date. Set the space, put music on (sexy RnB always does it for me), candles/dim lights, and incense if it is your thing. Be with yourself, don't focus on a goal or expectations, explore your body and focus on all the subtle sensations you experience. And do what works for you, don't judge yourself because you don't do it like your friends; if fingers work for you, then please do that, if you only appreciate self-pleasure with a vibrator, then do that.


In the end, it is just you and your body so listen to it and have a good time!

Eat, sleep, repeat ;)”

~Adeline Thulliez, certified sexologist, sexpert, and sexuality coach, Adi Yoni Magic

Play LELO Vibes Masturbation May Spotify playlists to get your solo sexy vibe going.“Creating the right atmosphere for sex, pleasure or, what is now commonly known as a ‘self-care moment’ demands a bit of panache. Different studies [show] how music prompts your brain to release dopamine, which also occurs during sexy time. So music and sex at the same time can maximize the chemical’s use. How wild is that?”

~Emilie Melloni-Quemar, Public Relations Manager, LELO

Be Mindful

“The number one tip I give my clients who want to experience more pleasure during masturbation is: BREATHE. It’s simple but highly impactful. Mindful breathing leads to a more satisfying and orgasmic sex life. Being aware of how you are breathing, and where in your body you are breathing, allows you to choose how you breathe. You can then use the breath to play with your arousal levels - slowing down and ‘grounding’ to prevent premature ejaculation for example, or speeding up to energise and build orgasmic sensations. Most people are really unconscious of their breath during sex and masturbation: it’s often short and restricted or they’re clenching and holding their breath. Learning to be mindful, to pay attention to the breath and relax the body, leads to more oxygen and more sensation in the whole body - not just the genitals. With practice this can support you in experiencing more full-body orgasmic sensations, not just the 5 second ‘peak orgasm’ which is often associated with restricted or held breath.”

~Libby Sheppard, masseuse, an intimacy coach and pleasure educator, Touch of Happiness

“Start self-pleasure experiences by engaging with the body’s most important, and often neglected, sex organ: the brain. There are many ways to engage the brain; I recommend starting with erotica, and exploring the genre to see what suits your desires best, be it literature, audio stories or films. Starting with the mind can have a powerful effect on your intimate experiences, as erotic literature and audio erotica go beyond sexual stimulation by bridging the gap between wellness and sexuality. In fact, research has shown that listening to erotica can be one of the most successful practices women can utilize to achieve sexual satisfaction.That’s because these forms of erotica encourage our minds to be the first part of our being that feels stimulation, and allows our bodies to gently follow suit without pressure or time constraints.”

~Mia Sabat, Sex Therapist at Emjoy


"Especially for females, we need a little more mental stimulation time before we can be ready for the physical act of sex. I call it pre-sex and the most crucial part of getting into a more heightened state of arousal is giving yourself enough time for an intimate pre-sex moment that turns on your mind. Therefore, feeling that you don't feel any time constraints to get to your ultimate goal of climax is key. Work, life, and societal pressure are stressful enough. Self-pleasure is an intimate moment for you and only you can decide at that moment how hard, fast or slow you want to go to feel good. There are no rules for pleasure aside from allowing yourself enough time to enjoy the moment you have.” ~Femme Fatale, Arousr

“Masturbation is a fantastic way to learn about your body and figure out what feels good to you and what doesn't. It's also a great way to relieve stress, help improve quality of sleep, and relieve tension.

My tip for masturbation is to be completely present in the moment and not put pressure on yourself by making an orgasm 'the goal'. Being focused on having an orgasm, for example, can take away from the process of exploration, relaxation, and feeling pleasure. I suggest making pleasure the goal, orgasm or otherwise.” ~Jessica Gordon, M.S. in Clinical Mental Health/Social Work & Managing Partner at LUVOQA

Read: Life on the Edge: Erotic Edging and Why You Deserve It

“It’s extremely important for people to remember that it’s absolutely okay to go at their own pace while exploring self-pleasure. I think that it’s easy to get overwhelmed if you’re new to self-pleasure. Aside from the ever-growing variety of intimacy devices, lubricants, etc. on the market today (which some may find a bit intimidating), for many people, there can be a lot to unpack on a personal level when it comes to exploring masturbation. It’s often not as simple as choosing a vibrator and a bottle of lube.

For many, the path to thoroughly enjoying self-pleasure comes with the necessary process of deconstructing harmful beliefs and myths that have been internalized for quite some time and replacing those with good sex education from educators who are sex-positive and inclusive. But it’s important for those who are more reserved to know that just because other people are diving into the deep end of self-pleasure right off the bat doesn’t mean that they need to do the same. In fact, they shouldn’t. Otherwise, their self-pleasure journey might not end up being so pleasurable after all. You'll have plenty of opportunity to work up to trying new things!”

~Raven Faber - Founder/CEO EngErotics

Have Fun!

“One masturbation tip I would share is to remember this is meant to be fun. It's easy to create pressure for ourselves around masturbation -- using the "right" toy, having an orgasm or a certain amount. Some cis women worry about not having multiple orgasms or spend a lot of time trying to have a squirting orgasm. While there are a lot of benefits to masturbation (relaxation, help sleeping, etc) and people masturbate for a lot of reasons beyond sexual pleasure, ultimately it's supposed to feel good. If masturbating to orgasm stresses you out, take a deep breath -- and maybe a temporary break from masturbation -- and then let go of expectations you have about it other than that it will feel good.” ~Kayla Lords, Sex Expert for Jack and Jill Adult

“Try it. Do it. Define your style :) I mean, explore your body, your pleasure. What makes you feel good, how you like it and what makes you orgasm. Dedicate time to it! No matter if you're single or in a relationship, if you use a vibrator or any other "tool" remember that knowing and owning your pleasure is very important for your general wellbeing, both physical and emotional. It also make sex better! Tired of listening to miracle recipes for glowing skin, better sleep quality and less stress formulas? Orgasms are great for all this and more. My advice? Find the time for your solo pleasure. Happy Masturbation (Month) YEAR!”

~Elsa Viegas, designer and co-founder of Bijoux Indiscrets,

“If it feels good, don't hold back. Masturbation is the perfect time to practice letting your guard down and giving your voice and body a chance to be completely free and unedited. Let your emotions flow, and let your mind go. Grunt, groan, moan- do whatever it takes to honor the pleasure within each moment. It won't always be pretty- but it WILL feel good!”~Megwyn White, Director of Education, Satisfyer

Read: 10 Sweet Reasons to Get it On With Yourself

Explore Everything

“I think with women, a lot of us are programmed to not really explore our bodies fully. There's often an element of shyness or shame around really examining our vulvas. It's really important to know yourself first, before you can expect a partner to know how to please you. If you position yourself in front of your mirror, or use a hand mirror to explore your body to understand where exactly it feels good. Start with some water-based lubricant, and touch yourself. Learn where it feels good. If you're comfortable and confident with your body, your partner will find it easier to understand how to pleasure you too.” ~Sally Cotching, Brand Manager, Voodoo Toys

“Every body is different, and no two people will ever experience pleasure in exactly the same way - so don't let yourself think that you're doing things the wrong way - or worse, that there's something wrong with *you* - if your masturbatory experience doesn't equal what you *think* it should be.

Instead, let yourself explore and discover what feels best for you, without judgement. Masturbation has been a dirty word for too long, and it's not something to be ashamed of. Schedule yourself some alone time - even if it's only 20 minutes - and allow yourself to spend that time figuring out what feels good, and what turns you on.“ ~Rachel McCarthy, Cloud 9 Novelties

“Since Covid invaded our lives in 2020, many of us have realized that self-exploration, self-pleasure and masturbation are a key aspect to a healthy and enjoyable sex life. Now, more than ever before, when we are so limited as to who we see and associate with, the journey to discovering what brings us to the brink of joy and happiness is a primary focus to better ourselves and remain satisfied both mentally and physically.

Romance yourself - after all, self-love is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. Have your favorite lubricant on hand, in case you need it, because it’s always a good idea to be prepared. Show yourself some self-love, and master your pleasure in ways you haven’t before. After the year that you’ve had, you most definitely deserve it!”

~V for Vibes Team

Read: Mastering the Sensual Basics

“I always encourage people to take the time to explore what their pleasure language is. For example your pleasure language might include the taste of chocolate. Or for some people, it could include playing with different temperature sensations by placing an ice cube behind your ears or on the nape of your neck. For others, your pleasure language may be sight, so wearing that lingerie makes your brain say, "damn, I'm hot".

Employing all of your senses allows your brain to relax and focus on the sensation of the moment, instead of being caught up in day-to-day stressors. With masturbation, we might forget about using our other senses, because we're so focused on one type of touch, or sensation to one spot, when really our whole body, all of our skin, and our brain combined together are the greatest pleasure tool we've got.”

~Sherry Tran, Certified Sex Educator and Wellness Coach, Lora Dicarlo

“Experiment with sensory deprivation the next time you masturbate. It can help in limiting distractions while heightening the sensations of touch and fantasy. Use a blindfold along with headphones playing your favorite audio erotica or music. Then let your mind and body follow its erotic impulse.” ~Megwyn White, Director of Education, Satisfyer

“Most people tend to focus on their genitals forgetting that there are more erogenous zones on their body they can stimulate, like the nipples, anus and inner thighs, where they can discover new sensations or compliment genital play with these areas. This month slow it down and think about a much deeper pleasure experience, by focusing on playing with different erogenous zones and discovering new hot spots you didn’t know existed. Incorporating a bendable vibrator like Crescendo that really targets vibrations where you want them with varying intensities, can really help you understand which sensations make your heart sing and reach areas you hadn’t thought of exploring before."

~Dr. Soum Rakshit, CEO, MysteryVibe

Ditch the Shame

Especially if you own a vagina, there's a whole lot of hubbub about there about multiple orgasms - to the point where you might feel like an alien if multiple orgasms don't do it for you. While it's something I'm capable of if I try really, really hard, I've tried to stop worrying about feeling like such an oddball for being a one-and-done type of woman. Like everything in life, acceptance around my sexuality (even during masturbation!) is ever an on-going project, but I try to focus on the pleasure that one orgasm can bring me - instead of the frustration of constantly trying to enjoy multiple ones."

~Mistress Kay, Kink Educator, Kinky World
“One of the oddly positive things to come from being raised by a pair of emotionally absent parents is I was never unduly straddled with guilt or shame. At least not in regards to masturbation...

Which left me with what I soon discovered was a rather unique party trick when it came to partner play, in that I never had any qualms about demonstrating the process.

Time, as it does, rolled on, and now with grey in my beard and scant hair on my head, masturbation has become an old, familiar friend--and while there are younger, more dedicated performers out there in a world finally beginning to accept that everyone does it, I still very much enjoy putting on a show for whoever interested or merely by myself, all alone on my intimate little stage. “ ~M. Christian, Writer and Educator

Read: Does Masturbation Affect the Kidneys?

Slicker Is Better

“Use good lube. Whether by yourself or with somebody else, nothing kills the mood like sticky gummy, smelly lube. Go for the good stuff. Feeling is everything... that's why we worked so hard to make Uberlube feel so good. Why silicone? Silicone stays on the surface of your skin and stays slippery for a really long time. The vitamin e makes your skin feel soft and the rest washes off with soap and water. It's a smart choice for sensitive skin too. Relax, pump out some lube and take your time. You deserve pleasure so bring it on.” ~Cheryl Sloane, Brand Director, Uberlube

Read: 7 Ways to Incorporate More Lube (Including CBD Lube) Into Sex WIth Yourself

Masturbation as the “Main Course”

“I really had no idea that for some folks, the solosexuals of the world, masturbation is their main, desired sexual activity. For many reasons, these folks want and need masturbation as their sex. This runs so contrary to all of the assumptions our society makes about partnered sex being the apex and pinnacle of sexual pleasure. Not only are their individuals who centre their life around masturbation, but there are whole communities, such as Bateworld, where like-minded folks can connect. If you're interested in learning more, check out the work of Jason Armstrong” ~Jon Pressick, Author, Sex in Words

Kinkly Staff

Sex is a bit like a secret society; everyone's doing it, it's just that no one talks about it. Kinkly's mission is to start that conversation, answer your questions and help you discover new and exciting things about sex, love and your body. We guarantee it'll be illuminating, enlightening, fun ... and a little kinky. And that's OK with us.No innuendos, no judgments and no apologies, just fearless, straight-up talk about sex.

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