Bored in the house and on a budget? You don't need a nightstand filled with expensive sex toys to have fun. Plenty of common household items can be repurposed – or perverted – into a pervertable. Think everyday things like chip clips, meat mallets, and hairbrush handles, but used in sexy, not-as-advertised ways.
A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to take a "Fun With Pervertables" workshop with Sunny Megatron, Sexual Health & BDSM Educator. She also hosts Sex w/Sunny Megatron (Showtime TV) and American Sex Podcast. The virtual event was hosted by #open, the dating app for sex-positive, ethically non-monogamous people.
Although the possibilities for pervertables is only bound by one's imagination and personal comfort or safety factors, Megatron mostly focused on items that may be used in a kinky scenario. She also advised that people should play with pervertables at their own risk:
"There are some things that are safer than others, and it takes a bit of good judgment in some instances to be like, 'Can I hit somebody with this? Will it splinter in a million pieces, or will something unexpected happen?' Know that it's always a possibility and keep that in the back of your mind."
Before you play with any pervertables, make sure you have your partner's full consent and have gone over any health issues. Megatron encourages questions like, "Are you allergic to nickel? Are you allergic to eggs?" Since many pervertables aren't necessarily made of body-safe materials, use common sense and proceed with caution.
Besides convenience (hello, everyone has something sitting around that can double as a sex toy!) pervertables tend to be pretty affordable playthings. Megatron suggests shopping for pervertables at your local dollar store.
Hardware stores and kitchen shops are also excellent sources for such supplies, though she notes, kitchen stores tend to be a little more expensive. "I'm a cheap ass, so I like the dollar store if I can find my stuff there," she says. "They're your best friends when you're looking for pervertables."
If she finds something she likes, she tends to buy one for the kitchen and one for her ass—another bonus of dollar store purchases. And as much as I love my collection of expensive sex toys, it does feel good to have a random spark of ingenuity, usually followed by instant gratification.
Megatron points out, typically, there are many financial barriers to the BDSM community—whether it's fancy gear or the ability to attend pricey conventions.
"Not only do you need to have the right connections, but you also need to be in the right proximity to places and people to get those things," says Megatron. Pervertables are one way to remove financial barriers and enable people to experience some low-cost, kinky fun.
Here's a list of ways you can get into some budget-friendly, DIY, pervertable fun (though none of these ideas are probably Pinterest appropriate):
Pervertables That Penetrate
The obvious contenders are phallus-like fruits and vegetables. Think bananas, cucumbers, and zucchini. Please, always use a condom on any foodstuff you deem fuckable. And if you're thinking of using produce for backdoor play, it's a bad idea. Any item that goes into your butt needs to have a base, or else, it may require an awkward ER visit. The vagina is a different story since the cervix is the end of the internal road.
Another easy idea? Take a toilet paper roll, put a condom inside, fill it with water, and freeze it. Once it's solid, slip it out of the tube and slip it inside. Megatron likens it to a sexy ice cream treat.
Or, you can incorporate a chain into play for impact, then put it in a condom for insertion. "You need to make sure that your chain is not some kind of metal that's coated and that it's made of the safest material possible," she says. "You need to sanitize it ahead of time, and again, use at your own risk. Some people do, and when it gets pulled out, it does feel really good."
There are so many everyday items that can elicit heightened sensations. Everything from an electric toothbrush on the nipples or a clit, to an ice cube, pulled slowly across the erogenous zones. (Tip: Don't touch ice directly to the skin without first running it under water, or else you may end up in a sticky "tongue-on-a-frozen-flagpole" situation.)
Forks and knives, used carefully, can provide wonderful sensations. A trick: run a dull knife in cold water and run it over the body of a blindfolded partner: it will feel really sharp, without being dangerous. It's great for mind fucks.
Other pervertable possibilities? A feather, hairbrush, silk scarf, warm towel, back scratcher, or even a soft car buffer. There are so many expressions of touch (both pleasurable and painful) that can be found around the house.
Impact Play Pervertables
If you look around your house, you will find all sorts of implements perfect for impact play—books, shoes, meat mallets, rolling pins, spatulas, and wooden spoons.
"Depending on how hard you play or how hard you hit, an item may not be suitable," Megatron says before recalling a story of a wooden cutting board that snapped in half.
"Especially if you're a hard hitter, you need to be able to know a little bit about the materials in your pervertable, so you can use it intelligently."
Also, do your homework and look up places that are okay to hit and spots to avoid. Megatron likes to stick with the meaty parts of the butt and thighs. She prefers very lightweight paddles made of balsa wood or another lightweight material. "Because they're so light, they bring up blood blisters to the surface of the skin very easily on most people. So if you're really into marks and bruises, they work well."
Other items Megatron likes include the thuddy power of a phone book, pool noodles, Twizzlers and Red Vines (each treat achieves a different effect), and a slingshot (easily bought on any hunting site).
Pervertables That Pinch
This category of household staples with naughty alter egos is straightforward – anything that pinches. Chip clips, clothespins, and chopsticks can all be used to taunt and tease nipples and genitalia. Clothespins are an especially unforgiving nipple clamp alternative.
Is your desk covered in binder clips? Maybe you should use them on nipples or other body parts. (Beware: the smaller they are, the more painful they'll be.) You can run a thread through the handle loops for extra fun.
Other interesting household items include rubber bands for foot play, for example. Wrap one around your partner's foot, and provide a nice pinch by pulling it. Used carefully, kitchen twine can serve you well in nipple play.
Pervertables That Poke
"Put rice on the floor," suggests Megatron. "Have you ever had to kneel down rice? It is not comfortable." She says you can do the same thing with pencils. "You know, fasten a few pencils together in a row, then have your partner kneel on the pencils. Toothpicks are also pretty nasty." Pipe cleaners are also sufficiently pokey.
When it comes to bondage, everything you need to restrain someone can be found around your house. Plastic wrap is incredibly effective at mummifying a partner or attaching them to a bed, chair, or sex toy. (Pro tip: a wand vibe wrapped to the clit is unbelievably hot.)
Duct tape is great for those wishing to explore pain. "I love duct tape because I take it off, and it pulls off all of their hairs," says Megatron. If you aren't ready for that level of intensity, lessen the stickiness of duct tape (it is possible to damage skin, so best tread carefully!) by putting a length of tape on a towel then peeling it off quickly. The towel fluff that comes off onto the tape acts as a bit of a buffer when the tape is reused on your partner.
For quick handcuffs or ankle cuffs, painter's tape is fun and relatively easy to cut off or unstick from skin.
Belts, ties, and stockings can all be used as restraints. If you're into cock rings, Megatron says the bracelet-sized glow sticks at the dollar store fit nicely around the penis and balls. Bonus, you can find your partner in the dark.
She advises against zip ties since they're so small and can get so tight and actually cause nerve damage. Like rubber bands, dental floss is an easy go-to for CBT (cock and ball torture). And if you don't want to invest in expensive bondage rope, a clothesline will work in a pinch.
If you use bondage pervertables, please make sure to have safety shears handy.
In kink, there's a commonly used acronym, RACK, or risk-aware consensual kink. "It's an acronym for things that even if you're as safe as you can be, even if you're as educated as you can be, even if you've taken every precaution you can humanely think of, something could still always go wrong because what you're doing is a little risky some pervertables can fall into that," says Megatron.
If you've repurposed a common household item into a pervertable, tell us about it. Send us a tweet at @kinkly with #pervertables. Now, go hit your local dollar store or scour your kitchen drawers and have fun!
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