Perhaps you’ve recently heard the terms “prostate massage” or “prostate milking.” The concept is moving out of porn and becoming more widely known, and for good reason. The prostate has the potential to be a source of great pleasure for partnered or solo play. So what, exactly is prostate milking? And how can you give this a try? Here's your ultimate guide.

So, what is prostate milking anyway?

Prostate milking simply refers to prostate massage. It gets its name because the goal here may be orgasm - and ejaculation.The name may also come from the fact that the prostate gland is responsible for producing a milky seminal fluid that makes up a portion of ejaculate. It is alkaline and is designed to help sperm survive in the acidic environment of the vagina. The prostate gland surrounds the base of the urethra and is found below the bladder but above the rectum. It is reached via the anus, and is found 2-3 inches inside the rectal cavity, on the front side of the body. The prostate may feel like a small lump, but tends to swell with arousal. Once you start gently massaging it, you are milking a prostate!

Getting Started with Prostate Massage

Like with many forms of play, it can be a good idea to get to know your own body first. This can help with building comfort, and will make it easier to tell a partner what you like. Before play, make sure you’ve set aside enough time to explore and enjoy. Consider starting with a bath or shower to relax and to address any concerns about hygiene. Anal play is the most pleasurable when you’re relaxed, so anything you can do to set your mind at ease is a great help.

Read: The 5 Rules of Anal Play for Straight Men

Depending on your flexibility, penetrating yourself with your fingers can be a little tricky. It’s a great idea to just start with external massage. This warms up the area and gets you used to receiving touch. When you’re doing this, you want to make sure your hands are freshly washed, and nails neatly trimmed and filed. Any scratches or tears in the anal area or rectum can become infected. Wearing gloves for anal play can be the safest option. You also want to make sure you’re never playing dry. Use a body-safe lube that you like.

Finding Your Prostate

So how do you find your prostate? All bodies are different, but the prostate can generally be reached 2-3 inches inside the rectum, pressing up towards the front/stomach. It’s often described as being roughly the size of a walnut. For some people, you’ll be able to feel the structure at any time. For others, it will only become pronounced right before and during an orgasm.

Once you’re familiar with what feels good, you’ll be able to share this information with a partner, and guide them to finding the right spot when they’re inside you. You’ll also want to know exactly what kind of stimulation feels good. For some, the prostate is very sensitive and very light touches are best. For others, they can take more intense direct stimulation.

Using a P-Spot Toy

When you’re ready for more than fingers, there are several toys made specifically for prostate stimulation for you to check out. Aneros makes a wonderful line of toys (my favorite is the Helix Syn) that are fantastic for solo or partnered play. Like any toy used for anal penetration, the Aneros toys have a large enough exterior piece to make sure there’s no chance of losing the toy inside you.

If you’re feeling bold, the nJoy Pure Wand can also be a lovely toy for prostate play. It’s made of stainless steel, so it’s heavy, and it has both a large and small end. You’ll want to start with the small side for anal play. Because of the length and curve of the toy, it’s very easy to use on your own body and it’s got the maneuverability to discover and reach where the sweet spot is for you.

There are dozens of toys made for prostate play including some that vibrate or provide other sensations. It’s worth shopping around to see what toy is the best fit for you - or start a whole collection of options for different moods.

Read: Guys, Here's How to Hit the P-Spot Using a Toy

Use Good Communication

It’s helpful to set the tone for lots of open communication when you’re exploring anal penetration with a partner for the first time. Let your partner know you’ll be guiding them and giving feedback. Try to speak in specifics like “left or right” and “harder or softer” rather than just saying something is OK.

Read: Your Top 10 Questions About Anal Play - Answered!

Use the Pads of your Fingers and Not the Tips

When using fingers on yourself or on your partner, use the pads of your fingers rather than your fingertips. This will help avoid any poking sensations, and also helps keep you safe from fingernails. For types of stimulation, you’ll often hear about the “come hither” motion (just like what’s often suggested for G-spot-spot stimulation) but that analogy often leads to touch that is too aggressive or intense. Modifying the come hither with the pads instead of tips of your fingers can help with this.

From there, explore other styles of touch. Some people enjoy thrusting, but for many people this is too intense and can lead to wearing out more quickly. If using fingers, once they’re inside try pressing up towards the prostate and massaging in a circular motion. When using a toy, try focusing on a pivoting motion, rather than thrusting. The shape of many prostate toys encourages this, and you may find this motion the most pleasurable.

It can take a little getting used to, but some people report the most intense orgasms of their life from prostate play, so it’s worth giving it a chance. Once you get the hang of prostate stimulation, it can become a regular part of your sexual repertoire. Because many prostate toys can be used hands free, it’s easy to add prostate play to your partnered or solo sex any time you’d like.