What makes you feel sexy and alive? Mind blowing sex, or masturbation, with a super-charged sex toy? When it comes to sexual pleasure we often focus on those acts that bring us to orgasm, but pleasure doesn’t have to be about a big act or an end goal.
Erotic dance helped me realise that deep down, sexiness isn’t about external attributes. It’s an internal feeling.
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Over a decade ago I experienced medical trauma that left me feeling disconnected from my own body. I no longer felt sexual desire, and I struggled to actually feel like a sexual being. What I missed, perhaps even more than enjoying sex itself, was simply the pleasure of feeling desire and sexual energy in my body.
Since then, I’ve tried many things to get back that sexy feeling, and erotic dance is one of my latest discoveries. Shaney Marie is a sexuality guide and Tantra educator, who runs an online course called ‘The Magic Of Erotic Dance.’
Shaney’s erotic career began in topless bars, but the erotic dance practice she now teaches isn’t about dancing to turn on another person. It’s a way to feel physically embodied and turned on yourself.
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And it’s more than that. The ‘magic’ of erotic dance is quite literal. It’s a way to experience yourself as a powerful being, tapping into ancient wisdom, and the ability to manifest your desires through the power of sexual energy.
Here are some of the benefits I’ve found from learning erotic dance. When I felt low, I put on a video and followed along with the moves. I noticed that within just a few moments my mood would shift. It was the perfect pick-me-up to start my day and get moving. And the feel good sensations were different to just doing a regular workout because I also felt a sense of sexiness and enjoyment of being in my body.
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In our modern capitalist world, sex is used to sell us things. Advertising can sometimes make us feel inadequate, like our sexiness is based on the clothes we wear, or our body shape, or attracting a certain lover. How many of us have fallen into the trap of thinking that our worth is determined by a certain person liking us?
When you try erotic dance, you get to feel sexy, independently of all those things. It helped me realise that deep down, sexiness isn’t about external attributes. It’s an internal feeling. Everyone has the right to feel sexy, no matter our body shape, the clothes we’re wearing, or how we look. There’s nothing you need to buy, or no particular sexual experience you have to have, to be sexy.
It can be as simple as just moving your hips.
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Sex and desire often relate to an end goal: ‘having’ a particular person, achieving that orgasm, or getting that release. Orgasms are great, but our sexual desires can leave us feeling needy, thinking that satisfaction is only possible if we ‘get’ a certain person, or have a good ending to goal-orientated sex.
Erotic dance is a way of simply enjoying the sexual pleasure of the moment. As I danced, I found some of the moves were quite a turn on. I experienced waves of sexual energy in my body. Yet, the process wasn’t linear or about getting to the end. I simply enjoyed the feelings that flowed through my body as I tried out the different moves. If you are experiencing low libido, this can sometimes be due to stress and exhaustion. Perhaps you want to connect with a partner and just can’t seem to get in the mood. The idea of pleasing someone else can seem overwhelming when you feel disconnected from your own sexual self. Erotic dance can be like a bridge acting as a way to help you connect with yourself so that you can then connect with another.
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You know that feeling when a partner touches you in just the right spot that makes your body, mind, and soul sing? Well, what I realised through the practise of erotic dance is that you can experience that bliss for yourself...without a partner.
With masturbation, most people don’t think about caressing or enjoying their whole body. We tend to go straight to the pleasure points that cause orgasm. It can be mechanical, rather than sensual.
As I danced, I enjoyed being in my body in a sensual way. I noticed sensations of well-being in my hips, arms, and fingers, as well as the more obvious places!
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So if you need a sexy boost to your day, check out Shaney Marie’s work. You will find that sexual pleasure is just a few dance moves away.
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Kate Orson
Kate Orson is a freelance writer, and author of Tears Heal: How to listen to our children. She writes, about self-help, parenting, and more recently, sex! She is currently working on a memoir; A Cut in The Brain, about her experience of having the LEEP procedure, and her recovery from side effects that doctors didn't warn her about.
