Sex Therapy Q&A With Sexologist and Sex Counselor Dr. Ava Cadell

We all like to think that great sex comes naturally, but sex therapists know that it takes knowledge, communication, empathy, self awareness and, well, practice, to get there. That's where sex therapists come in. Although this broad term can encompass a range of different professionals, those who work in careers in sex and relationship therapy and coaching can help people solve a range of sexual problems, from physical ones stemming from surgical procedures to emotional ones stemming from past experiences and abuse. In other words, it's important work!

If you've ever struggled with problems in your sex life, perhaps you've considered visiting a professional for help. Or maybe you've wondered what goes on behind a sex expert's doors - or even whether this is a career you could pursue yourself.

We've wondered too, so we sat down with clinical sexologist and AASECT certified sex counselor Dr. Ava Cadell. In addition to working as a sex therapist and expert, Dr. Cadell is also the founder of Loveology University, an online program that helps people train for careers in love, sex and relationship coaching. Here's our interview.

Kinkly: What brought you to a career in human sexuality?

Dr. Cadell: My life began with sexual abuse and escalated into sex slavery. Then, I became a sex symbol as a model and actress and endured slut shaming as a result. By the end of all that, I sought sexual education for myself, to understand everything that had happened to me, and to be able to enjoy my sex life. That education not only led to my sexual empowerment, but led me to the central epiphany of my career, a realization that I wanted to dedicate my life to helping people through their own sexual issues. Through my private practice, global seminars, published books, sex edu-tainment blog (Sexpert.com), videos and my online university, I strive to help people overcome sexual guilt and shame so they can experience healthy relationships and the best sex of their lives. I also mentor students and other practitioners who want to have a career in human sexuality through my role as the president of Loveology University and at the American College of Sexologists International and as a faculty member of The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality.

Kinkly: Many couples never pursue sex or relationship therapy. In your experience, what are the reasons why they should?

Dr. Cadell: Couples can reap huge benefits from the wisdom that a sexologist or love coach can share with them. Making love is an art that can be taught, and this kind of education can take a predictable relationship and transform it into a passionate one that lasts a lifetime. Everyone knows how to have sex, but these skills can make you a great lover, and who doesn’t want that?

Kinkly: What are some of the key things you think people need to understand about visiting a sexologist. What do they have to gain?

Dr. Cadell: The key things people need to understand is that sexologists have heard it all, so there’s no need to be embarrassed about sharing any sexual problems. They are non-judgmental professionals who help clients overcome their sexual inhibitions and share their sexual desires with their partners, so there’s really no limit to what they can gain. They acquire confidence, better sex, and they learn how to express love to their partner in the language that they understand. In my practice, I use what I call Neuroloveology, which is the blending of brain science with the science of love. I offer clients dozens of exercises and techniques to inspire people to communicate with passion, as well as stimulating the brain chemicals that enhance romance.

Kinkly: What kind of problems do relationship coaches and sex therapists typically address?

Dr. Cadell: Any problem that impacts sexual confidence, such as poor body image or getting over a prior sexual trauma can prevent a person from having a healthy relationship, but they can heal by learning how to love themselves inside and out. Lack of desire or a mismatched sex drive can prevent a couple from enjoying a sexually satisfying relationship, but couples can learn how to negotiate for a win-win solution so they both get their needs met. Sharing sexual fantasies can be an erotic way to expand sexual horizons, especially when physical, emotional and sexual boundaries are established with the help of a therapist or coach.

Kinkly: What prompted you to start Loveology University?

Dr. Cadell: I started Loveology University because I wanted to give adults all over the world access to positive and accurate information on love, romance, relationships, intimacy and sexuality. I endured so much adversity that could have been avoided - or at least reduced - with some good foundational knowledge about relationships and sex, so I want others to benefit from my journey and not have to suffer as I did. My mission is to make a significant impact on humanity through sexual education and empowerment.

I believe the meaning of life is learning how to give and receive love, and that includes sex and intimacy. So I wanted to find a way to train millions of love coaches, all helping people to make love a priority in their lives. One of my entrepreneurial role models was Tony Robbins, who is also known as the father of life coaching, so I aspired to be the mother of love-coaching, sharing the vast knowledge I’ve gained in over 20 years working as a sexologist, media therapist and certified sex counselor.