Sometimes, sex just don’t go right. There are many reasons for this type of situation, some that can be prevented and others that can’t. Considering and rethinking approaches to your sexual interests and habits might help. Not being a jerk might help as well. In this week's Sex Stories We Love, we look at a couple of stories where things went off the rails.
Sex Stories We Love: Swift Justice, Sex Educating Millennials, & Classic Coitus Interruptus
This week, we look at what happened in Taylor Swift's sexual assault trial, why millennials need more sex ed, classic coitus interruptus scenarios, and more!
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The most basic failing in sex is a lack of consent. There is absolutely no way sex can be right if all parties do not consent to sexual situations. So I am really unsure what former DJ David Mueller was thinking when he allegedly groped Taylor Swift during a promotional appearance. First, you don’t touch anyone in a sexual manner at any point unless they have distinctly consented to those actions. Second, you don’t grab the ass of one of the most beloved pop stars without expecting massive repercussions. Third, you don’t try to sue a person you allegedly groped contending she got you fired. Fortunately, fire is raining down on this dimwit from both Taylor, through her strong and poignant testimony, and the judge, who has already thrown Mueller’s complaint out. Now, hopefully others can be inspired by Swift’s strong testimony and the legal system will also follow the direction set by the judge in the case. Non-consent is never OK. Good on Taylor Swift for putting this issue front and center. Another time when sex just ain’t right - and most of us have probably been there - is when you’re just too damn tired to lift a finger. Or a hand. Or anything else for that matter. Many people start having high quantities of sex in early adulthood. You know, when you often don’t have many responsibilities and you also happen to have an abundance of energy. Having a lot of sex is a much easier thing at that stage in your life. Then come the jobs. The partners, the kids. The chores. The stress. The responsibilities. All of the capital-T the’s you can imagine. And at the end of a day, well, those fingers, hands, mouths, and other gratifying body parts just get forgotten. Does it have to be this way? No. Is it OK to push yourself into sex, for your own or a partner’s sake? No. Are there different ways to look at being too tired for sex to improve the situation? Absolutely. Let’s be frank. There are some types of sex that society at large has deemed unacceptable - pedophilia, necrophilia, bestiality, rape - all of these, and more, fall outside of the borders of acceptable and those who participate in and fantasize about these types of sexual activities are incarcerated when caught. Sometimes, these folks are treated in an effort to help them curb their unhealthy appetites. The efficacy of these treatments is debatable. So, with the growth of new technologies, a different approach is being considered. What do you think: Would formatting virtual reality equipment and porn to resemble an illegal sexual situation help the user curb the need to participate in these activities real life OR would it heighten a user's potential need to act on their desires in real life? This is a very charged topic, and I would love to hear your thoughts.
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Another obvious reason sex shouldn’t be happening? When you can’t talk to each other about basic things, such as discomfort because of a person’s body odors. Let’s think about this a minute. Sex can involve a wide variety of different activities that frequently involve you putting a part of your body inside another person’s body. How much more personal can we get with one other?! However, society has grown a ridiculous amount of shame and stigma around us even discussing the potential of sexual discomfort that things like vaginal smell and discharge become a taboo topic, one so bad that it seems to have ended a couple of relationships! Instead, had everyone done some research, learned what could potentially have caused the situation, and approached it from a compassionate and caring approach, the outcomes may have been much better. Let’s just be able to talk! Remember when I said many people start having more sex when they are fresh, new adults? Note that I didn’t say good sex. Instead, a recent survey of university students indicates that many of them aren’t really liking the sex they’re having - and dissatisfaction is growing. Although, I have to wonder if the unhappiness students report is actually anything new. There aren’t many among us, I suspect, who will claim that they sex we were having in our early 20s was the best we’ve had in our lives. In the survey, students reported issues with erectile dysfunction, inability to orgasm (women), low desire, pain, and low satisfaction. None of these issues sounds unusual for people who likely did not receive a strong sexual education. It sounds trite to say, but maybe they just don’t know what they’re doing. Perhaps these folks could be given some good sex workshops and information and then resurveyed in the future. After all, addressing the issues around sex is better than just talking about it. Finally, sometimes you’re not having sex because you started but had to stop because you’re just too busy, embarrassed, a pet interrupted, or someone got ... injured (hopefully not!).
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Jon Pressick
Jon Pressick is a sex-related media gadabout. For more than 20 years, Jon has been putting sex into our daily conversations at his long-running site SexInWords—as a writer, editor, publisher, sex toy reviewer, radio host, workshop facilitator, event producer and more. These days, he focuses on writing for Kinkly, GetMeGiddy, The Buzz and PinkPlayMags and editing Jason Armstrong's series of Solosexual books. In 2015, Jon edited Cleis Press' Best Sex Writing of the Year, V1 to rave reviews. He's also the winner of the 2010 TNT Favourite Adult Journalist Award and one of Broken Pencil's 50 People and Places We Love past co-host and producer of Sex City. Jon co-produced the queer literary festival Writing Outside the Margins with Xtra Magazine for two years. You can find him on Twitter at @Sexinwords.
