October is one of our favourite months at Kinkly! The leaves start to turn, sweater-weather returns, voting for our Sex Blogging Superheroes list opens, and all you want to do is curl up on the couch with a fuzzy blanket and your favourite vibrator (that's not just us right?).
Considering the whirlwind of a year 2020 has been, we're very excited to announce our Sex Blogger of the Month for October and spread a little happiness into the dark world we currently live in. So without further ado, our Sex Blogger of the Month is Sherina from All the F.U.Q.s (Frequently Unanswered Questions)!
Sherina is a certified sex coach from Brooklyn, New York, and All the F.U.Q.s is aimed at answering all the questions we have about sex, but are too afraid or ashamed to ask. Sherina is helping to normalize talking about sex, and we love it!
To help you get to know Sherina and her blog more, check out these 10 questions with Sherina!
Kinkly: Give us three words that describe your blog.
Sherina: Unapologetic, inquisitive, real.
Kinkly: What inspired you to start the blog?
Sherina: I learned some of the consequences of not learning yourself physically and sexually are chronic and serious. Sex is one the more vulnerable activities we practice with ourselves and with another person. Sex is often a reflection of how we approach life in general. I learned I was approaching my sex life the same way I approached my life in general – for someone else’s pleasure.
This habit was learned and it was breaking me down. I had to teach myself daily that sex could be a form of self love and pleasure by myself and with a partner, but only if we intentionally learn it to be that way. Now as a certified sex coach in Brooklyn, I’m looking to help people and couples do the same thing.
In communities of color, specifically in black culture, sex as self love and pleasure is not celebrated. There are a lot of black men and women not climaxing with orgasms, depending too much on relationships, in boring relationships, and simply not exploring their sexual abilities.
I learned that I wanted and deserved more. We all do.
Kinkly: What’s behind the name?
Sherina: All The Frequently Unanswered Questions is just that! We’ve got so many questions and curiosities around healthy sex, better relationships, masturbation, and our bodies. Sometimes we have the feeling but don’t know the right question or who to ask it to.
Google can’t help us with those!
For communities of color, it is a challenge to feel normal to ask sexual questions or without judgement. Let
All The FUQs is getting all of those questions. For those that want a 1-1 approach, I can help them through sex coaching.
Read: Hiring a Sex Coach Was the Best Thing I Did for My Sex Life
Kinkly: Who’s your target reader?
Sherina: All The F.U.Q.s was started as a black sex blog for black women and men, as well as for communities in color as a whole. We are underrepresented within the sex spaces of power and we deserve so much more.
What is great though, is that there are a lot of sex questions that everyone, of every hue has. All The FUQs covers those too.
Kinkly: What’s unique about your blog?
Sherina: I enjoy talking about situations for individuals as much as I enjoy addressing relationship challenges. Its imperative to enjoy solo sex, but at some point, if your intend to be in a relationship, it is just as important to be able to teach and learn with your partner how you can both enjoy sex, your relationship, and your time together.
My blog focuses on making sex and sexuality a conversation that has on boundaries like gender, sexuality, or relationship status.
Kinkly: What is the topic you find yourself covering most often and why?
Sherina: Foreplay, masturbation, and sex communication. They are so crucial to amazing sex, but we worry more about memorizing 20 new sex moves.
Sex starts in the mind. If you and your partner(s) are not mentally stimulated, even if you do have sex, I can guarantee it won’t be as stimulating as you want it to be.
Foreplay doesn’t only have to be at the beginning of a sex-capade! Sex is pleasure play – so it is supposed to be fun! Foreplay can be stimulating, encourage stronger orgasms, increase the number of orgasms, help with your mental and physical health, aid in sleep, and it feels damn good!
Masturbation is the introduction to sex for most of us and it is our way of first pleasuring ourselves. It is very important.
Sex communication needs a lot of work. Great sex is learned and practiced. I always just expected my sex partner would just know what I wanted sexually before I even knew what I liked.
Now that I know that we are responsible for my own sexual pleasure, I love helping others learn how to master sex communication and their own pleasure.
Kinkly: What was your most popular post ever? Why do you think it drew so many readers?
Sherina: Other than product reviews, my most popular blog posts was “Messy Sex: The Best and Worst Messy Sex Experiences”.
It got so many readers because stories make the best examples for handling different sexual experiences. It is unfair to expect people to believe your sexual advice if you have not tried it yourself.
And, it is hilarious. More often than not, sex is messier than any movie or porn would care to admit. Body heat, saliva, lubricant, toys, oils… there is a lot going on!
Sex can feel amazing but it won’t always look so glamorous!
Kinkly: What’s the best thing about writing a sex blog?
Sherina: Getting to connect and help so many people on such an intimate level. Because I am a black sex coach with a sex blog, I’ve shared stories with a variety of people of different ages, ethnicities and cultures. This blog has been therapeutic and humoured readers about uncomfortable topics. Most importantly my posts given permission for self-reflection, for individuals and better communication with couples.
Read: Sex Communication 101
Kinkly: What’s the worst thing about it?
Sherina: The writing. It is crazy that even now, you have to be so brave to talk about sex, something most of us do and want to enjoy better.
You have to really be about it and be true to it.
Finding the best way to write about sex struggles and love questions can be challenging. The great thing though, is that as a sex coach, it has helped to connect me with people who want to understand their sex life better and their partner(s) better.
Kinkly: OK, now for the good stuff: Give us your best tip for great sex.
Sherina: Communicate and take charge! If you know that you need your clitoris to be teased significantly before any kind of penetration, or if you know that you do not like certain positions, SAY IT!
If your inner sex wants to masturbate in front of your bae rather than penetration, DO IT! It can be a real turn on.
Sexually, we often know what we want months or years before we ask for it.
Tell you partner what turns your on and what turns you off. There is no magic fix to boring sex, sexual dysfunction, or sexual challenges. But to get to a solution, you’ve got to talk about it first.
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