Sex blogger of the month

Sex Blogger of the Month: N Likes of ‘My Dissolute Life’

Published: DECEMBER 1, 2015 | Updated: FEBRUARY 2, 2022

Here at Kinkly, we love sex bloggers. In fact, they're our heroes! So, every month we bring you a gifted and sexy blogger to draw you in and educate you. This month, we are featuring N Likes of My Dissolute Life, a blog that features a fine mix of erotica and personal sexy experiences that will definitely have you begging for more. Here are his answers to Kinkly's 10 questions.


Kinkly: Give us three words that describe your blog.

N Likes: Honest. Thought-provoking. Hot. (I know - that could be considered four words. Sue me.)

Kinkly: What inspired you to start the blog?


N Likes: L, a PTA mom I was fucking (and licking, and fingering, and generally putting to copious and fulfilling use as my "fuck-toy" - her term) suggested it. I have always written, since college, but never (other than in the world of work) for an audience. I thought that the life I was leading, and my thoughts about it, wouldn't be just hot, but also interesting. I was taken by the idea for a number of reasons. Not least of all because I'm somewhat of an exhibitionist. Not in the creepy raincoat way, but in the compulsive self-disclosure way. Yet, also because I have a bit of the evangelist's enthusiasm for sharing my own good news. I spent years suffering in shameful, silent isolation, and as I emerged from that period, I discovered the joy of joyful, rather than driven, sex. And my marriage was strengthened too. It just felt right to add my experience to the universe as a tiny counterweight to the hegemonic drumbeat of those trumpeting the damaging, dishonest myths about marriage that dominate. There are other reasons. You can find them here.

Kinkly: What’s behind the name?

N Likes: It felt right. "Dissolute" has the virtue of being descriptive without being particularly judgmental. Merriam-Webster defines it as "lacking restraint; especially: marked by indulgence in things (as drink or promiscuous sex) deemed vices." This is an accurate description of me, and, in particular, of my relationship to sex and sexuality. From the start, I knew I didn't want to write just a sex blog. I wanted to write about sex, sure, but I also wanted to write about me. I think it's safe to say I have very few readers who are drawn to my blog primarily by my accounts of the sex I have with others. The truth is, a minority of my posts are about sexual encounters. When I write about sex, it's almost always (exceptions here) about sex with people other than my wife. And there honestly just isn't that much of it. Instead, I tend to write more about my life - the thoughts I have, the struggles I face, the lessons I learn, and the questions I can't answer (like: why are creep shots so bad? Or, what the fuck do I do about the fact that some reflexive sexual feelings are confusing - or even shameful?


My life is dissolute. There's no other way to characterize it. Hence, the name.

Kinkly: Who’s your target reader?

N Likes: I don't, for the most part, hit my target. My target is, probably, urban grad students and adult academics interested in sex and sexuality, and in talking, reading, writing about it, as well as people who think of themselves as "sex addicts" or who feel trapped in shameful relationship to sexuality. Sort of an "It Gets Better Project" for those who are "failing" at monogamy.


Also? Smart, sexy women who want to explore what it might be like to enter into a dance with me, who want to suck my cock, to come - or not come - for me, to dress as I direct, to explore what effects my words and my fingers, and tongue, and cock might have on them

Kinkly: What’s unique about your blog?

N Likes: A lot. More than anything, it's unique because I'm unique, and it's relentlessly, overwhelmingly personal. I don't think I'm special, or that any other blogger is less unique [sic, with a sly smile] than I am. But my level of self-disclosure, of raw honesty, is unique, I think. Others write far better than I do about sex, or politics, or sex toys. I haven't seen anyone write nearly as much, or as honestly, about the inside of her or his own head. This isn't a dis, or a grandiose claim. I simply haven't seen anyone even try in the sex blogosphere. (And if you know me to be wrong, please, please tell me. I'd love to read others laying themselves bare in similar ways.)


Kinkly: What is the topic you find yourself covering most often and why?

N Likes: The things I don't understand about myself. I find writing a tremendously useful way to think, and doing it in public is tremendously rewarding. There's simply no better way I've found to engage with the mysteries associated with being me, and the engagement and thoughts of my very smart, very engaged, very loyal, very small readership is incredibly helpful, and gratifying.

Kinkly: What was your most popular post ever? Why do you think it drew so many readers?


N Likes: My most popular post? There are a couple of different ways of measuring that. The one that has the most total views is a post I wrote very early in the blog's life, called "Sex clubs/parties in New York - Le Trapeze." This was part of a series of posts in which I wrote about each of the various sex clubs and parties that I've been to in New York. Why did it draw so many readers? I think, honestly, because a lot of people google "Le Trapeze review." Le Trapeze is New York's most venerable sex club, and my post is the second link shown, after Yelp. I don't think that it's led to very many regular readers, as the folks looking for reviews of sex clubs aren't, for the most part, actually my target readers, and I think they perceive that fairly quickly as they peruse the blog.

The post that had the most comments, the one that's fostered the most engagement with my readership (and that is #2 in terms of total page views) is "I want to lick your pussy." This post, I think, has resulted in a lot of loyal readers. It typifies my approach to sex, and my approach to writing. And, it's smoking hot.

Kinkly: What’s the best thing about writing a sex blog?

N Likes: So far? Relationships. As a result of writing the blog, I've had several truly life-changing relationships, including making a friend who I consider among the closest I've ever had, and some of the most toe-curling sex, both real and virtual, I've ever had. Also, the blog has been invaluable in my journey - always in process - toward living the most authentic and joyful life possible.

Kinkly: What’s the worst thing about it?

N Likes: Vulnerability. I simply live in terror of exposure, of my anonymity being compromised.

Kinkly: OK, now for the good stuff: Give us your best tip for great sex.

N Likes: I hate this question. Everyone is different. Everyone's partners are different. I can tell you that, for me, what has led to great sex is a non-judgmental openness to and acceptance of my own desires. Letting go of the natural tendency to problematize something or other that I want ( "Ew! That's gross!" or "That's not politically correct!" or even, "You don't deserve to have that!"), and instead, simply going out and getting it - and enjoying the ride.

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Sex Blogger of the Month: GJ of Girly Juice

Kinkly Staff

Sex is a bit like a secret society; everyone's doing it, it's just that no one talks about it. Kinkly's mission is to start that conversation, answer your questions and help you discover new and exciting things about sex, love and your body. We guarantee it'll be illuminating, enlightening, fun ... and a little kinky. And that's OK with us.No innuendos, no judgments and no apologies, just fearless, straight-up talk about sex.

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