Here at Kinkly, we spend a lot of time reading sex blogs and sex education-style websites. It's not just because we love the material (and we dooooo!). It's also so that we can bring you the very best in sex-related content. We want to keep things sweet for you in this month of lovers! We've chosen Poly Role Models, created and maintained by Kevin Patterson, as February's Sex Blogger of the Month! Kevin isn't just a talented blogger and curator. He's also a published writer. So, if you're looking for more information about polyamory, make sure that you check out his book Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities. Kevin is also the author of For Hire: Operator, a science fiction adventure featuring two high school sweethearts, who have no idea that they're on opposite ends of the same contract.
We love Poly Role Models because it's insightful, features real people who participate in the poly lifestyle, and brings all of us a true look of what a poly relationship really looks like from those participating. We know you'll love his blog just as much as we do!
Here are Kevin's ten answers to our ten questions!
Kinkly: Give us three words that describe your blog.
Kevin Patterson: Polyamory’s for everyone!
Kinkly: What inspired you to start the blog?
Kevin Patterson: I had an idea about doing something similar to People of New York but for polyamorous folks. Our representation is always really white and straight and cisgender and able-bodied and skinny and neurotypical and well to do. I wanted to show off that polyamory isn’t just limited to what mainstream news outlets are begrudgingly willing to present.
Kinkly: What’s behind the name?
Kevin Patterson: I had made a big screw up in my relationship with my wife and we were able to turn it around. When we were discussing it at our local meetup, the host said, “Wow! Twelve years in and you’re still finding ways to screw up and get better. You’re like poly role models.” It just sparked an idea that I couldn’t let go of.
Kinkly: Who’s your target reader?
Kevin Patterson: Unlike most outlets, Poly Role Models isn’t a showcase for monogamous folks who want to learn what polyamory is. It’s meant for polyamorous or poly-curious people who want to see themselves represented. When representation is poor and you don’t see yourself reflected, it’s easy to just assume that polyamory isn’t for you. My blog works against that.
Kinkly: What’s unique about your blog?
Kevin Patterson: It’s an interview series. As a blogger, I’m not the one creating new content. I’m more of a curator. I manage a collection of beautiful works of self-expression. Also, the blog is a resource for other resources. Something I love to do is promote other people’s work – especially that of people who have appeared in the blog.
Kinkly: What is the topic you find yourself covering most often and why?
Kevin Patterson: The topic that carries the most is that of identity. When someone says, “I’m black (or bisexual or trans or autistic etc.) and this is how it affects my polyamory,” there are hundreds of other people that need to hear that and reference it against their own experiences. It’s the most important aspect of Poly Role Models.
Kinkly: What was your most popular post ever? Why do you think it drew so many readers?
Kevin Patterson: Probably the profile of Tikva Wolf, the artist behind the Kimchi Cuddles comic stips. Her strip is long running and so easy to relate to. It’s no wonder that people were super interested in the person who creates it.
Kinkly: What’s the best thing about writing a sex blog?
Kevin Patterson: Well, it’s not a sex blog, but the best part is the people I serve. Whenever someone tells me that an interview meant a lot to them or helped them find their way, it makes continuing to do the work really worthwhile.
Kinkly: What’s the worst thing about it?
Kevin Patterson: Point blank, Poly Role Models is the most inclusive showcase for polyamory available anywhere...but I still always want it to be better. It’s really hard seeing any identity that isn’t represented on the blog. It’s not always under my control, but it feels like a personal failing.
Kinkly: OK, now for the good stuff: Give us your best tip for great sex.
Kevin Patterson: Listen. I know that sounds simple but the bar is super low. Just listening to your partners verbal and nonverbal cues carries so much weight. Most people don’t even bother.