The weather isn't the only hot thing in July! Kinkly's Sex Blogger of the Month is Helen Alison from The Good Sex blog. We love this blog because it's relatable, fun and jam-packed with valuable sex tips and quality sex education. It's also an extension of a great podcast. We asked Helen 10 questions. Here's her take on being a sex blogger.
Kinkly: Give us three words that describe your blog.
Helen Alison: Unapologetic, exciting, and informative.
Kinkly: What inspired you to start the blog?
Helen Alison: We started The Good Sex blog because creating The Good Sex podcast wasn’t enough. At the end of every podcast we’d have things we still wanted to say, topics we wanted to explore, and information we wanted to share. Plus, sometimes you can’t say everything you need or want to say out loud. Writing gives you another voice. Initially, we looked around the Internet trying to find places to submit articles, but we found that our straight talking approach wasn’t very appealing or accepted by many outlets so we thought “Hey, why not create our own space?” And and The Good Sex blog was born!
Kinkly: What’s behind the name?
Helen Alison: When we first established ourselves, we were called "The Whole Sex," but we had to change it due to boring, legal reasons. We still wanted a name that conveyed our belief that sexuality should be prioritized however you express it, and that sex is a key part of who you are. So, we chose "The Good Sex" because, ultimately, our end goal is to support young women in having the most healthy and fulfilling sex for them.
Kinkly: Who’s your target reader?
Helen Alison: Young women who need the “sex” conversation. Whether they are feeling disempowered, unsupported, unfulfilled, or silenced, we’re here to make sure every young woman has access to a shame-free conversation about sex.
Kinkly: What’s unique about your blog?
Helen Alison: The variety in what we publish. We don’t sugar coat anything that has to do with sex. All of our articles are based in real experiences and we put sexuality in context of being a human. So we end up with articles about cock fright and feminism, sexual abuse, and casual sex…We know that your sexuality is a part of your whole as a woman, and we know that there are so many other things that make up that whole. We take all of this into account and our blog represents a real, dynamic, open conversation that you can see yourself in.
Also, we’re British! Before creating The Good Sex, I really struggled to find open conversations about female sexuality, and all it entailed, from British sources. Annoyingly, the stereotype of British people being prudish seemed to be upheld in a lot of circles.
Kinkly: What is the topic you find yourself covering most often and why?
Helen Alison: The topic we get asked most about by young women is orgasms and how to achieve them. We embrace the topic because we love women advocating for their own pleasure and wanting to be active in their sexuality BUT this narrative of “the orgasm is everything” is exhausting and restrictive.
The topic we cover most often is probably sexual abuse. The Good Sex has its roots in supporting and advocating for survivors of sexual abuse because we sprang from the My Imperfect Rape project. We don’t shy away from any subject, and because survivors are in our hearts and on our team, we prioritize this subject as much as any. We think it’s extremely important that all aspects of female sexuality are included in the conversation about sex - not just the desirable or interesting topics.
Kinkly: What was your most popular post ever? Why do you think it drew so many readers?
Helen Alison: Our most popular post is 8 Things I Learned from My First Time “Doing” Casual Sex. I think it’s so popular because it’s a great mix of funny and vulnerable. I wrote the post almost immediately after the encounter in question and so it’s very raw; I think people relate to, and enjoy, authenticity.
Kinkly: What’s the best thing about writing a sex blog?
Helen Alison: When someone tells you they’ve been needing your words, they’ve been looking for what you’ve had to say for a long time, and all they’ve been met with so far is silence. It’s amazing to be able to give someone that space, the conversation they need. To be able to support or enlighten people just by doing something we love is the best thing about what we do.
Kinkly: What’s the worst thing about it?
Helen Alison: Those moments where you’re made to second guess what you do because of someone else’s judgement or insecurity. They don’t last long because you remember WHY you do what you do and you give yourself a stern talking to. You realize that the people judging are the people struggling and that’s who we’re here for.
Kinkly: OK, now for the good stuff: Give us your best tip for great sex.
Helen Alison: Enthusiasm. It’s probably a super boring answer, but we’ve all heard how sexy confidence is, and it’s true! If you want to be there, if you want to do whatever it is you’re doing, it’ll show and you’ll look and feel amazing.
Oh, and lube. Lube every. single. time.