Fall is almost here and after a brief summer lull, we're falling back into our regular Sex Blogger of the Month series. This month, we're featuring a long-time blogger with a big following, Girl on the Net. This blogger's writing is sassy and on-point - and often deliciously NSFW. Check out Girl on the Net for thought-provoking rants, advice and some very sexy stories.
To get some background and reading tips for the blog, check out our interview with Girl on the Net below.
Kinkly: Give us three words to describe your blog.
Girl on the Net: Filthy, feminist, fun.
Kinkly: What inspired you to start the blog?
Girl on the Net: I've always loved writing, and ever since I discovered sex I've been a pretty big fan of that too, so it was probably inevitable that I'd start writing about it at some point. I almost started a joint sex blog with my ex (with whom I had a lot of depraved adventures) but he wasn't sure about doing it in the end so we let it slide. Then we broke up, I started casually dating, and I realized I had so much I wanted to say about sex - sharing stories of the hotter/more exciting things, discussing the attitudes I came across from dudes on OKCupid, ranting about the ways in which society still tries to dictate our sexual and romantic lives... all of that! So I spoke to my ex to get his consent to share some of our stuff, took a deep breath and started writing. I've made a ton of mistakes along the way since I started blogging in 2011, but the choice to start Girl on the Net is still one of the best decisions I've ever made.
Kinkly: What's behind the name?
Girl on the Net: Before I explain the origins, a quick confession: I hate the name. I picked it because it sounded generic and simple when I first set up my Twitter account, and it was similar to a name I'd used on a dating site. But 'Girl' on the net? I'm 35 now! 'Girl' seems a bit misleading, not to mention it's hard to write feminist critique of the tendency some people have to infantilize women (Hey, girls!) if I'm literally infantilizing myself. But I've built the brand now so I'm sort of stuck with it. If anyone's thinking of starting a sex blog, I strongly advise you - even if you're anonymous - to pick a name that sounds a bit like an actual name. Apart from the whole "when does a woman stop calling herself a girl'' thing, when I do interviews journalists usually want a "real" name to use, because they're understandably uncomfortable calling me "girl!"
Kinkly: Who's your target reader?
Girl on the Net: I want to say anyone who is horny/curious about sex but realistically I think my work is not as broad as I'd like it to be. I'm straight, so most of my writing will appeal primarily to those who like straight erotica, though I do host regular guest blogs (and I pay people for them, so if any of your readers have an awesome sex story or opinion to share, I'd love them to pitch me!) because I want to make sure that there is plenty of space for others to share their thoughts and experiences.
Other than that, I hope that most people will be able to find something they like or find useful on the blog - whether it's erotic fiction, real-life sex stories, discursive pieces about sexual politics or even tips on how to do kinky DIY like making your own spanking bench. The target reader is essentially someone a bit like me - someone who is nerdy about all aspects of sex: the personal, the political, the ridiculous and everything in between.
Kinkly: What's unique about your blog?
Girl on the Net: I turn my filthier blog posts into audio porn! A while ago I had a couple of blind blog followers who pointed out to me that written erotica wasn't hugely sexy when read aloud by the robotic monotone that comes as standard with most screenreaders, so I started recording myself reading the sexier posts aloud. Thanks to generous support from Patreon people, I've now managed to get over 100 of my posts recorded as audio porn, which helps to make my blog more accessible, as well as bring in new readers. I'm not the only person doing it, though, because at last year's Eroticon I did a talk about how and why other bloggers should record audio if they're up for it, and I'm really pleased to see that some others (like the talented Quinn of OnQueerStreet) are doing it too.
Kinkly: What is the topic you find yourself covering most often and why?
Girl on the Net: In sexy terms, I definitely write a LOT about watching my partner masturbate. I adore watching him wank, and I am pretty much completely obsessed with watching men I fancy pleasure themselves - it's the first thing I picture if I spot a celebrity I find especially hot, or if a guy makes eyes at me across a bar. What would he look like wanking? How would his arm muscles tense as he rubbed at himself? What faces would he pull at the moment of climax? What kind of porn - if any - would he watch? I am utterly obsessed by this, and when it comes to blog topics it's essentially a 2-for-1 in terms of achieving my devious ends: it means I get to write about something I have a powerful kink for, and I also get to tackle masturbation stigma by pointing out that wanking - far from being shameful or something to hide from a partner - can be a beautiful, intensely horny experience to enjoy together.
Kinkly: What was your most popular post ever? Why do you think it drew so many readers?
Girl on the Net: I'm going to give you two because they're so close in the stats as to almost be equal. They're both NSFW... Fucking in the office is incredibly popular, partly because it's hot and I think a lot of people have fantasies about having sex across the desks in their own offices. This trilogy of stories about butt plugs has been hugely popular too, and that's mostly down to search: I get a huge amount of search traffic for butt plugs - usually people who want to read about them in use, and straight men who want to know if it's acceptable for them to use them. The answer to that question is, of course, "hell yes."
Kinkly: What's the best thing about writing a sex blog?
Girl on the Net: When I wake up in the morning, I go and sit at my desk in my office and I write about the things which I'd previously thought I should hide or be ashamed of. The things that I love the most in the world: masturbation, sex, butt plugs, daydreams about getting gang-banged by a group of dudes on the tube, anything. These things now pay my bills! And my mortgage! I get to meet other people who do the same thing - whether virtually or at events like Eroticon - to share ideas, learn from them, and read their sexy words too. These other sex bloggers, sex toy companies, journalists and other fantastic sex-interested people inspire me to go home and try out new toys or techniques or ideas and that feeds back into the blog. The best thing about writing a sex blog is that I have been able to build my life around these two things that I really adore - writing and sex. I never forget how lucky I am to be able to do this.
Kinkly: What's the worst thing about it?
Girl on the Net: I think the worst thing is that because I am writing very real, personal stories, 'Girl on the Net' is now such a central role in my life that it is hard to escape from her. I'm incredibly reliant on coming up with new stories, ideas, posts and audio because it's not really like I can take a couple of weeks off when I rely on GOTN's traffic to keep advertisers happy and pay all my bills. I hate having to do the commercial side of sex blogging, because I'm not particularly business-minded - I adore the writing and I love the marketing because I was a marketer in my past life before I began sex writing. But although the business side of things is a huge headache, the worst part is that I can't really say 'OK I'm going to take a break from this for now' because GOTN is my full-time job, and keeping traffic up and interest up and creativity flowing is literally my bread and butter. I love it to pieces, but it can be quite knackering.
Kinkly: OK, now for the good stuff: Give us your best tip for great sex.
Girl on the Net: I think Kinkly readers are likely already on track to have good sex, because there's so much content here for them to enjoy, with tips on toys, techniques, communication and all that good stuff, so I'm going to go for something a little left-field in the hope I can be original. Tip for great sex: write about your sex life. You don't need to start your own blog - not everyone is keen to have all their intimate sex games out there like I am! Just begin by making notes (with your partner(s), or alone, or alone with the aim of discussing with your partner(s) later) and trying to tune into the things that you found hottest or most enjoyable: the faces someone pulled, the noises they made, the exact curve of their arm as you tied their wrists to the bedposts, the sensation of their tongue in a particular place that made you shiver... whatever it is you like.
By writing about your sex life, you train yourself to notice all the details that you may otherwise miss, and you essentially write yourself a hyper-personalized sex manual. If you're happy to discuss parts of it (or share the whole thing) with partners, you're giving them some great insight into you, and potentially encouraging them to do the same. We talk a lot about the importance of communication, but I think some people struggle with knowing where to start - especially if they haven't had much practice about communicating their needs and desires. Writing about sex is a fantastic way to start doing that.
Oh, and if you can, read "Enjoy Sex: How, When and If You Want To" by Meg-John Barker and Justin Hancock. It's an incredible book that taught me a huge amount about tuning in to my own desires.
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